Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Today is a Sad Day

First to get you caught up. (S) and her brothers were within a couple of weeks of starting to move back home. Thursday the social worker calls and says all unsupervised visits are stopping. She really didn't give us much of a story, but it was clear she wan't happy with bio mom and dad.

Tuesday was phone call night to mom and dad. I placed the call and when mom picked up I asked her what was going on. (I wasn't sure I would get the truth and don't know if it is all the truth but I know some is. She told me that dad was put in jail Friday night because of a probation violation. (she said he only had a couple of beers and the social worker had arranged for him to be caught) Dad was still in jail. She insisted that they hadn't done anything wrong and her lawyer was going to get it all straightened out.

This morning I spoke to the social worker. She said that the decision to stop the unsupervised visits was made before and without any knowledge of the jail situation. She also said that dad was arrested for a probation violation, was totally intoxicated and fought with the police so was also arrested on a resisting arrrest charge. He won't get to go before the judge for at least five more days........but that is not the sad news.

The sad news is that the social worker also told us she had filed to start TRP proceedings, they had been approved to start the process by a judge, and the father had been served in jail but the mother wasn't served yet.

Now (S) was so close to going home. She was starting to develop a relationship with bio-mom and while she doesn't know it, her life will be in limbo for at least another year and then if the TRP ultimately goes through it will be longer until her and her 4 brothers find a "forever" family. I also feel real bad for bio-mom. I know she loves this little girl and when she gets this word she will certainly be heartbroken. Before this occurred I thought I would have mixed emotions as (S) has certainly become a part of our family over the last 13 months. I am surprised to find my emotions are not mixed. I can't remember the last time I felt this bad about something. I feel bad for (S). I feel bad for her brothers. I even feel bad for bio mom and dad. Maybe if we continue to foster for an extended period and have multiple children and this happens a lot, I will get used to it.

This being the first time facing this I find it hard to believe I could ever get used to it. Jeez, does anybody ever get used to it?


  1. I don't think anyone can ever get used to this stuff. At least you have a good relationship with the bio-mom. That is a very good thing to have.

  2. I also don't think we get used to it. I think we get a little better at knowing what we need to do to deal though. I think the best we can hope for is getting better at taking care of ourselves.

    Some of us even manage not to punch people who say, "I could never do that. I would love them too much and get too attached."

    I still want to though.

  3. I know I will never get used to this. I haven't even started, and I know. Every child is unique, and every horrible situation is unique for that family. If you get used to it, you cease being compassionate.