Monday, July 30, 2012

Tough couple of weeks

These have been some tough times for Shy these past few weeks and we are not sure why. We have been to visit her brother in Portland, Oregon, we have my mother (nanny) visiting now until the end of August. We are going to visit her sisters and nephew in Maine this weekend, and we have other cousins coming to visit a couple of times in the next few weeks.

thanks to a great suggestion, we have been skyping more frequently with her brothers and sisters as well, butt Shy has been good sometimes, and almost out of control on other occasions. She just doesn't seem to be very happy. She won't even kiss her nanny good-night when she goes to bed. Not even a little hug. I am not sure why that is. She has been busy with swimming, cheering camp, soccer camp, this week is hip-hop camp. She has been playing basketball and going to her friends house next door and across the street.

Most of the time she seems to be fine, but at other times, she just doesn't want to listen. She doesn't want to do as she is told, and she can get downright belligerent. It is really out of character, and when she does get that way, it just seems to escalate and escalate out of control.

Now, having said that, yesterday, maybe there was an excuse. We took her to see Ice Age 3 in 3D. It was a great movie and we all enjoyed it except for Shyanne. Fairly early in the movie, the daddy mammoth is separated from his wife and daughter. At that point, Shyanne did not like the movie anymore and wanted to leave. We eventually got her to pay attention again and of course she helped "root" for the daddy to find his way back home. I won't ruin the ending for anyone, but it is a movie made for kids so you can probably figure out the ending.

It was scary for her though, and I appreciate that. I will give her that yesterday was  a bad day after the movie because of that. But I can't make any excuse for the way things have been the last few weeks in general. I am getting to the point where I can't wait until she starts school again. Of course I don't know that will solve the problem, but I am thinking it will at least give her mother a break for half of the day.

Thankfully, there is a therapist appointment tomorrow. Hopefully she can shed some light on this for us.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

POOOOOOOF!!! It's gone.

There are many things we do for our children when they are growing up. A lot of them we find difficult, cumbersome, and even distasteful. But none of them lasts forever.

There is the little child that relies on you to help her get dressed. That needs help tying her shoes. That wants you to get her clothes down from the hanger. Then without even noticing, she no longer requires that. She is able to change the channel on the TV herself. She can get her own clothes, or cut some of her own foods. All of a sudden those moments of wanting to eat and having to cut food instead, or those moments when you are reading the paper and she wants a channel change, are gone.....POOOOF. Never to happen again.

We don't give it much thought as the moments come and go almost in the blink of an eye. We don't even realize they are gone until some time after they are gone. The first time that a child is able to go to the refrigerator get out the juice and pour her own glass to drink initially is given the old "good for you!" when she tells you what she did, but it takes a while to sink in that the meaning of the "good for you" is that you will never have to perform that task again. POOOOOF, it's gone.

Theses times come and go so innocuously that it is hard to pinpoint all of them. They just come and go. Pushing on a bicycle while holding it steady as a young one tries to learn how to ride, and you are panting and out of breath. All of a sudden, they get it. They ride themselves. They can balance. POOOOOF, it's gone.

Right now we have to drive Shyanne everywhere she wants to go. While most times we don't mind, and we expect to be doing it, there are occasions when we would rather be doing something else. It may seem like 10 years is a long time before she can get her license, but when it comes, those drives in the car when we are together alone and can talk about anything we want to talk about will be over. POOOOOF, it's gone.

It won't be long after that she will be out on her own. Maybe starting a family of her own and living her own life. While this may seem like a little early to be talking about since Shy is just coming up on her 7th birthday, trust me it isn't. They grow up so quickly. I have three other children....34, 32, and almost 30. It seems like just yesterday DW and I were discussing what names to pick out. They came, we did all of those things I mentioned like riding bikes, tying shoes, chauffeuring, and pouring drinks for them and then POOOOOF, it was gone.

I have no intention of complaining about anything Shyanne asks. I know it will be gone all too soon. I write this to all of you out there who may be regretting today's activity of driving to camp, or taking to a Doctor's appointment or reading a book, or cleaning a room.... Enjoy it. It won't be long before it is all just a distant memory and you will be wondering where the time went.....POOOOOOF!!!!


Friday, July 20, 2012


So Wednesday night Shy Skyped with Amy for a very short time. On the other hand, when Barry called and wanted to talk to her on the phone, she said no.

Then last night Barry called and wanted to Skype with Shy but she didn't want to and she didn't want to talk to him on the phone either. I know Amy reads this blog and I am sure she took that last suggestion about Skyping and thought it was a good idea. I agree. It is a good idea. Apparently only when shy is in the mood though and quite frankly, I can't figure her out.

Sometimes, she will answer the phone and talk to whoever is on the other end for quite a while. Sometimes she will answer the phone just to see who it is and then hands the phone to either DW or me. Sometimes she won't go near the phone and when someone asks for her, she has no interest in talking. Very hard to figure out which "phone shyanne" is going to be place at a given time.

I assume when she gets a little bit older and her friends are calling/texting/whatever they will be doing 10 years from now, she will be responding to them more often than I care to know about. Now children at this age are always finicky about talking on the phone, and I guess now skyping as well. There have actually been times when Shyanne has wanted to Skype and the person she wants to skype with is not available. She can have a major meltdown over that. Of course she doesn't remember that when people want to Skype with her and the answer is no.

I know it is a good idea to maintain as much communication as possible for Shy so that she doesn't feel left alone when she says good-bye to people, and I think just knowing that they are there and wanting to talk to her may be good enough for her. I certainly hope so, but she still gets so upset when she wants to talk to someone and they aren't available to speak, yet she thinks nothing of saying no to talk to other people. That is what bothers me the most.

Last night was another example. She wanted to ask her friend a question and called the house. No one answered the phone and she had a major meltdown. I think she would have been better had she been able to leave a message but the person was on the phone and didn't go over from the call-waiting so there was no machine either.

I have already talked about my age many times on this blog, so it doesn't bother me to day...."Back in the day".... before call-waiting, answering machines and the like, this was not a big issue. If someone didn't answer the phone, they weren't home, and you called back later. Today we expect either a person to answer or a machine to pick up and when it doesn't happen for this particular 6 year old, boy does she get upset.

Just one of the many things we have to work on, but we are confident we can overcome this with time. We will keep stressing the way she feels when people won't talk to her when she decides not to talk to someone else, and hopefully at some point she will get old enough, wise enough, and mature enough to want to talk to people, or to at least be polite enough to say hello.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A New Idea

It has been a real busy couple of weeks. Of course 4th of July week was kind of a weird one with the 4th being right in the middle of the week. But then it was off to Portland, Oregon to visit with Barry last week. We all had a great visit with him. He looks good. We hadn't seen him in over a year and it was nice to see him looking good, and of course Shyanne absolutely adores him. That in and of itself is a very interesting thing.

When Shyanne first came to us in December, 2007, Barry was living in Birmingham, Alabama. He lived there until this past December when he moved to Portland, Oregon. During this 4 1/2 years Barry has come home a few times and we have gone to visit him a couple of times. We also saw each other at my father's funeral last February, which was the last time we were together.

So why does Shyanne have such an affinity for her big brother Barry? In her whole life, she has seen him so little. When we visited him in Alabama it was only a few days. When we saw each other at the funeral, it was only a few days. When he came home the two or three times he did, it was only for a week or so. This trip to Portland was fly out on Monday and fly back on Friday.

We were in Portland for 4 days, yet the whole time we were there, Shyanne wanted nothing more than to be with her big brother Barry. She wanted to hold his hand. She wanted to show him how she could swim. She wanted to act like him and be like him. She looked up to him like only a little sister can look up to a big brother. Yet how does that happen when she spends so little time with him and really doesn't know him all that well?

I don't know how you all feel about it, but it is amazing to me!

And of course, when we go to leave, it is a difficult time for Shyanne. Now while it is a long trip from Cape Cod, Massachusetts to Portland, Oregon, Shyanne was great going out there. Coming back was a whole different story. It is just so hard for her to say good-bye. I wonder if we make too much of it sometimes, but it doesn't seem to matter. She just doesn't like to say good-bye when we go to visit.

I always wonder if it has to do with saying good-bye to people who never come back into her life. For a child so young, she has certainly had a number of people say good-bye to her and then never return. Her biological parents are just the start. Her two oldest biological brothers she hasn't seen in over a year and a half and there is no sign of seeing them any time soon. Then there was her Papa (my dad) who passed away last February and she knows he will never be back.

Of course I don't know for sure and Shyanne certainly is not able to put into words why saying good-bye is so difficult for her. When you ask her all you get is "I don't know" or she just hides behind you when it is time to leave.

I know when I was a kid there were certain people I didn't like to say Good-Bye to, but it wasn't universal like it is with Shyanne. I just didn't like the Aunt who would have to pinch my cheek, or the relative that kind of smelled and I would try to hide or keep from saying good-bye to them. But in general, it was not a problem for me. I guess I always knew that they were coming back...eventually. In my mind I never looked at it as good-bye, I more looked at it as a "see you later" type thing.

Maybe if we tried using that with Shyanne it would work. Instead of saying goodbye we could identify the next time we were going to see someone and then change the good-bye to "see you next month" or something like that.

I guess we will have to try that. Any other ideas?