Thursday, January 29, 2009

Extra Security? Adoption?

(S)s caseworker was here today. It was her monthly visit and she filled us in on what is coming. There were two things in particular she talked to us about.

1. Since I was going to court on Monday she wanted me to know that they had asked for extra security at the court because they don't know what bio-dad may be capable of. She also said for the first time in many years she is concerned for her own well-being.

2. She wants us to give serious consideration and have plenty of family discussion about and around us adopting (S) as she believes that TPR will eventually come and they try to start working on that as soon as possible when they know it is a possibility. We have plenty of time so we should get started on our thoughts

As far as the security is concerned, I am glad there will be extra security there but I think bio-dad is a blowhard and as my DW says, a bully. He is not going to do anything to anyone who stands up to him. He just likes to beat people who are weaker than him. I will be there and I will talk with the judge if necessary so that (S) can come on our long road trip in March.

As far as adoption is concerned, that is not what we got into this for. We originally were just going to help out and do respite care for people and take care of kids on occasion. Well as things turned out, (S) came into our life and home in December 2007. We were new to the process and figured she would be with us for a short time and then there might be another child come to live with us a few months later.

I guess we were pretty naive. Now we have this lovely little 3 year old who we absoltely adore and if we don't adopt her, someone will. A 3 year old child is certainly easy to adopt out. Especially a child without any issues. It is looking like she will be up for adoption by herself. She will have less contact with her brothers and then if she is gone from us....the only house she knows living in.......she may develop issues. She is so smart and so cute and we only want the best for her. I don't necessarilly think we are best for her. We had our children who are all grown and out of the house. Our youngest is 26 years old. If we were to adopt (S) we would be 70 when she graduated high school. I don't know if we could keep up with her as a teenager. We were also talking about retirement in a few years. Do we really want to have that responsibility?

There is so much to consider and I am sure I don't even know the half of it. For those of you who have adopted, what is the half we don't know?


  1. Do you read Susan (

    She cares for babies and young children who leave her for reunification or adoption.

    Don't mistake me, if you decide to adopt S I'm supportive. However if you want to talk to someone about how to help a child make a transition from your home to an adoptive home, she would be the person.

    I'll be thinking about you while you figure this out!

  2. I will be praying for you guys as you work though each step and decide what will be the out come
    Just know that I for one will be here in which ever road you take.....

    I hope that court doesn't get too out of control....

  3. What a decision.. ya'll are in my prayers for guidance and peace!

  4. You are right, she will be able to find an adoptive home, but it's anyone's guess how she will attach. I did not see this coming, what a decision! Either way, it will not be easy. I'm sorry you and your wife have to go through this.

  5. She will find a forever family to adopt her. If you decide not to be that family, ideally, you could still be a part of her life (respite care, etc.) The state is very lucky to have such caring, committed foster parents like you!