Monday, January 12, 2009

She Thinks Her Life is Normal


"We are going to go to trial"

Those were the words of the case worker today, but she never explained to us what for. She wanted to confim again that we were in this for the long haul. (we have been with (S) for 13 months already) They are trying to set up "supervised" visits but we don't know when or how that is going to work.

We are not stopping phone calls to mom and dad twice a week but according to the case worker we can just hang up if we don't like what is said. I don't hang up on people, so I am not sure why I would now. Mom and Dad have always been civil to us. I am not sure I would be as civil as they have been.

We remian in the dark about what caused the sudden change and today we found out the family meeting for Friday is off and of course we don't know why. I am going to see if I can find out from Mom tomorrow when we make one of the phone calls, but I won't really know if what I am being told is the truth or not, so I guess asking would be kind of stupid.

Our biggest problem now is that we have a child here who wants to see mommy and doesn't know why she can't. What can we possibly tell a 3 year old that she will understand. Obviously nothing.

When we took our classes to become foster parents, we were taught a lot about how to work within the system and we were told a lot about different problems that kids will have and the reasons that kids ended up in custody. We also got some instruction and did a little role play about dealing with the parents.....we got absolutely no training about what to tell or how to deal with the children. The only reason we are in this is for the kids. I didn't think much about it at the time we were being trained. I thought they were teaching what I needed to know and after all, I had raised three children of my own so I knew how to deal with children.........NOT.......My children never had to face the uncertainty that these kids face every day. Not knowing where they may live tomorrow, and not knowing when they may see their parents or their siblings again.

This would have been good trianing, but maybe I wouldn't have appreciated it at the time because of the fact that I had raised three children and until you are exposed to these kids and what they go through you can't possibly know how to handle it. Obviously you want to keep things age appropriate, but we don't even know what should or shouldn't be told so we don't know what we are keeping age appropriate.

There is no doubt in my mind that the case worker wants to do what is best for (S), but so do we, and I think so do mom and dad. It is just that we all have different ideas about what is best.

(S) is now getting up every night and is up and down throughout the night. She is grasping onto both of us I think because of a fear of losing us as she did her parents. She is a cute girl. She is a very engaging and a blast ot be with. She is always helful. She is always polite. She is a smart girl and in spite of that.......

She thinks her life is normal!


  1. Just heartbreaking. No doubt she fears losing the stability she has found in your home. Thank God she has you and your wife!

  2. She thinks her life is normal because this is what her life has been shes doesnt no what NORMAL is!! I am sure when she is with you her life IS NORMAL

    I think you guys are doing a GREAT JOB stay ture to why you started this and your love will stay with S