Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
* OK, so we had our dance recital this past weekend. Now since we can't show (S)s face, you might think that this particular picture was planned. Unfortunately, it was not. She stood this way through the entire first number.
When it came time for the second number she started this way, but by the end she was actually doing some of the dance moves with the rest of the kids.
At the end of the recital she got a medal from the dance school, and of course flowers from DW and I. She thought that was really special and now she wants to continue with dancing. I am hoping this will be just what she needs to help boost her self-confidence. That is one area she is lacking in. We try to encourage her as much as possible and when DW took her to the therapist today, she gave her a few things we could try.
The therapist also said it was good that she was tlaking about her bio-parents and things that happened when she was with them. She told us to encourage her to talk about them but only when she brings them up. So we will do that as well.
Obviously, there is still no word from the court. Did anyone really expect that? I was hoping, but last week's stars obviously weren't strong enough. Hopefully this weeks stars will work better.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
DW called and told me that when she picked up (S) at pre-school today the teacher said that she had mentioned her "other parents" for the first time. I guess she was very surprised by that. This is the second time in the last month or so that they have come up.
She doesn't indicate that she mises them, or even that she wants to see them or be with them. She just seems to acknowledge their existence in her life at one time. We think she may be having memories from that time in her life even though she was very young. Since I have been gone, there have been times when DW has been scolding her and she has said "Don't hurt me". We have never done anything fro her to think that we might, and while there was an extreme amount of violence in her birth home, as far as we knew, none of it was directed towards her.
I guess we need to talk about this with her therapist. You know I say her therapist, and that is what she is. A play therapist. I find though that she spends just as much time talking with DW and I about things as she does (S).
I am always bothered when she brings up her bio family. I am not sure why. It just bothers me. I don't know if it is because of the way her life began with that family that I wish she had no memory of it. I don't know if it is that I want to be the only father she knows and feel a little jealous.(In my head, I know that would be silly). Maybe it is just that DW and I often say we can no longer remember life without her, and I don't want her to remember life without us. I don't know what it is, it just bothers me.
She did acknowledge to her teacher that DW and I were her "real" parents, but I have no idea what she means by that. I am sure she doesn't know either. There are many times when I am happy she really has no idea of what is going on and how she came to be with us, but there are also times when I wish she was old enough so that we could have a complete conversation about it. That time will come....probably faster then I want it to.
On the bright side, she went for her kindergarten registration and screening and the school principal told DW that (S) was a very bright little girl. That is nice to hear.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Lately it seems like adoption is coming up everywhere. I was on the computer today at work and there was a popup about adoption.
Last night I was watching American Idol which was followed by a show called "Glee". Not one I normally watch but one of the sub-plots was about adoption.
I was using the button on the top of the blog page that says "next blog" and I have never gotten to a blog about adoption and today there were 2. One was by a person who was adopted and one by someone who had adopted 3 childen.
I am not sure what, if anything, to make of this. DW and I have already decided we will adopt (S). There is no question in our mind. I do worry about (S) when she gets older though and the "Glee" show as well as the one blog by the adoptee were about looking for ones biological mother. It got me to thinking about what we tell (S) about her bio-mother when she asks us.
I know it won't be for a while, but that seemed to be the theme. Apparently a lot of adopted children develop a fantasy about why they were put up for adoption to begin with, and when they go in search of their bio-parents, they have yet another fantasy about what kind of relationship they will have with their "blood relative"
I know (S)s fantasy won't be about the state taking her away from her family and bringing her to us. It is more likely to be something about a single woman who just couldn't keep her children and wanted a better life for them. How will she feel when she finds out her mother essentially chose her abusive father over her and her brothers?
I also know that if she wants, she will be told her parents name and she will always know where her brothers are. I would assume that by the time (S) is old enough to ask the questions, one of her brothers will probably know where her bio-parents are.
It makes me sad to think that she could potentially be very disappointed by what she finds out when she begins asking those questions. I guess we will have to work hard to make sure she is prepared for that day when it comes. I am not sure how to do that, but I think we have time...........then again
Time does fly with children......It seems like yesterday my bio children were playing and fighting in the back yard. My son is doing well on his own 1500 miles from home and I am very proud of him. I am also proud of my daughters. Last year I walked one of my daughters (K)down the aisle and come September, I will be walking (A) down the aisle......
As fast as they grow up, I guess it won't be that long before it will be (S)'s turn..........
I'm getting ahead of myself though. I am going over to Mom TV now to watch Adoption Angles. If you haven't seen it before, check it out Wednesdays 9:00pm Eastern at:
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Did you know that pixie dust can make you fly? Well that is the story anyway. But only if you believe it will and the belief lies in having "happy thoughts". Additionally, there is only one way to get pixie dust and that is from a bonafide "pixie". The most famous pixie of course, is Tinkerbelle.
OK. that is what they (again, the invisible "they" rear their ugly heads") want you to believe. I have a different belief. I think that when you have the pixie dust sprinkled on you, it can make your dreams come true, whatever they may be. In the case of (S) last month when we were at Disney, (If you hadn't figured it out yet, Disney is the theme here) she wanted to be and dreamed of being a real Princess. With a little pixie dust and a fairy godmother at the boutique, she indeed became a Princess. Just ask her. There is no doubt in her mind that she is a Princess, and I am not going to argue with her. It wouldn't do any good anyway.
Now, if you don't have any pixie dust, or ready access to a pixie to ask for some, you can always make a wish on a star. As Jiminy Cricket sang:
Saturday, May 15, 2010
It's Saturday so this must be......um.......New Hampshire. Yes, that's where I am today. New Hampshire. I have to keep telling myself so I remember where I am.
The one thing I do remember is I am not with DW and (S). I really do miss them. This has been a very long 6 months and I am glad it will all come to an end in a few weeks and I will be back where I belong. Not that I necessarily belong in Maine, but I do belong with DW and (S). I know they are looking forward to my return as well.
Someone said that old adage to me the other day. you know the one that goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder".
Most people believe that to be true. Well, it may be, but it certainly doesn't apply here. Now don't go thinking it makes love less. No way. Quite frankly, I just wasn't "fond" of DW and (S) when I left. I love them and miss them.
I was fond of my big screen tv and I will certainly appreciate it more when I return. I am even fond of having a big yard where (S) can play and I will be glad to get back there to play with her. All in all, I am fond of a lot of things. But all of you out there who have married with children know that you are never fond of your own spuse or children. You may be fond of other's children, but not your own.
I have decided that love is the superlative form of..........I don't know. Whatever it is. I guess only adjectives really have a comparative and superlative form. I guess love is a noun. That's what I am going to call it. Hey! Its my opinion (blog too) and it can be whatever I want. So.....Love is the superlative form of the noun and therefore can't be improved upon.
If you should see me and I tell you I am missing them, please don't tell me that "absence makes the heart grow fonder".
It doesn't apply.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Yesterday I celebrated Mother's Day in Maine with DW, (S), (K), (A), and her fiance. Then I traveled to New Hampshire and went to sleep. This morning at 3:00am I woke up and drove to Boston, MA. I then boarded an airplane and now find myself in Phoenix, AZ. I can't believe how much travelling I have been doing. I have not spent more than 4 days in a row in the same bed and have been essentially to 3 corners of the country. (Arizona, Maine, and Florida) in the last month. I just have to thank someone that I am not going to Washington State or Oregon any time soon.
I was told that (S) cried yesterday when I left. She has been crying a lot when I leave these days. I know it is hard on her. It is hard on all of us. I just hope in the long run, it turns out to be worth it as we had hoped. Only time will tell on that. Speaking of time.........
I wish the court would do something. I am sure you are just as tired hearing about it as I am talking about it, but this is ridiculous. These kids have been in the custody of the state for over 2 1/2 years and haven't seen their biological parents in ages (they didn't even show up in court for the TPR hearing). They all also have families willing to be their forever families.
There have been many times in the past I have been critical of the DHHS. There are times they certainly don't know what they are doing. There are times they do things that really make you wonder if they have any common sense. In reality though, while they may not use common sense all the time, I believe they always try to do things that are in the best interest of the children.
It doesn't appear as if the court works the same way. They have had this case long enough and it is time they render a decision and let these kids (and foster parents) get on with the business of being families!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
If you google ""Mother's Day" quotes" you will get 1, 610,000 results. On the other hand if you google ""Fathers Day" quotes" you only get 401,000 results.
That tells us how much more important our Mothers are to us as we are always talking about them and thinking about nice things to say about them. When you look at the first quote in the first result of each search, you get the following:
For Mother: Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
For Father: He didn't tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Kelland
Simple isn't it. Mothers teach us about love. Fathers teach us about life. I think the abundance of quotes about mother indicates how important love is to us as well as how important our mothers are to us. So to all the mother's out there.....Happy Mother's Day....
A special Happy Mother's Day to four mothers who are most important to me.
My mom. What can I say. She is truly a wonderful person. I love her dearly
DW. Without her, I could have never been the father I am. We would never have the four children in our life that we have. and I can't imagine what my life would be like. She is truly the love of my life.
(A). My oldest daughter who will be married this fall and become a step mother to two absolutely wonderful children. I know she will be a wonderful and show them the love and caring that her mother showed her.
(K). My youngest daughter who will give birth to our first grandson this summer. I can't wait for that day, and again, I know that she will be a wonderful mother.
Love to all of you
Sunday, May 2, 2010
We met at a McDonalds on Saturday with all of (S)s brothers. We told her ahead of time that we were going to meet them there. She was very happy to hear that. She said it had been a long time since she had seen them. We compared them to her brother (B) who lives in Alabama and she doesn't see him very often either because he also doesn't live with us.
She seemed OK with that. She was certainly very happy to see her brothers, but I am not sure they were as comfortable as she was. Being older, they have a better idea of what is going on and they have all made it clear they do not want to go back to live with their parents. (S) of course doesn't know that is even a possibility. I am not so sure the boys feel secure in their position though.
It was enlightening talking with the other foster parents as well. It was nice to know that they all agree that the CW we are now dealing with is useless. Unfortunately that doesn't help the kids, but we all agreed that we need to deal with her supervisor whenever we want anything done right. We are not even real sure what happened in court. I think DW should call the CW's supervisor and see what she can find out about what happened there.(I know you read this dear so please take note). I would call myself, but with my work schedule it is difficult.
I am still in New Hampshire and when I left home today (S) cried again. She is liking me going less and less, but it is only a few more weeks and then I will be home for good. One last note.........
May is Foster Care month: Here are a few articles about it:
Of course there are many more out there. This is certainly a good time for anyone who is thinking they might want to get involved in foster care to do just that. While I write about problems here, I also write about the wonderful times. DW and I have no idea what our life would be like now without (S). She is so much a part of our life and family. We love her so and can't imagine things any different. Nothing could ever be so bad as to cause us to regret getting involved in foster care, and I can assure you that the rewards are certainly worth any minor problems that might occur. Go for it!