Tuesday, March 3, 2009

"Never Can Say Goodbye"

Clifton Davis

On Saturday we took (S) to visit with her 4 brothers at the local Mickey Ds. for about an hour or so.

(S) went to the daycare today and spent time with her BFF (she doesnt know what that means, but it fits) Anyway, it came time for her to leave and she will not see her BFF or anyone else for over 3 weeks while we are away.

(A) and her partner and his two children came over for dinner tonight. (S) was so happy to see them as they will all play with her and do anything she wants with them. They came over becasue we are going away for a few weeks and they wanted to see us before we left.

The thing that connects these three events? There came a time to say good-bye and (S) refused. This is not the first time. She does not like good-byes. I think this is also her problem with going to bed. She doesn't like being alone or saying good-bye. I believe it is just that she fears losing the people she loves.

This is fairly obvious as it happens to a lot of kids in foster care. The question is how do we help her get over this. Will she ever get over it. Is she developing or on the way to developing RAD? I don't know. I am not familiar enough with either RAD or foster care to know that. I certainly will mention it to the SW when she comes tomorrow. Hopefully she will have some good advice. If this is what is happening, I want to do whatever we can to prevent it.

Does it sound like this may be a problem to any of you? If so, what do you think we can do to prevent it from becoming a problem for (S)? This is the problem with new foster parents like ourselves. We lack the knowledge that experience will give us. I guess everyone has to start somewhere, but it is frustrating.


  1. I'm not an expert, but in my non-expert opinion, she will not develop RAD. She's past that danger.

    She is a kid who has experienced loss and she probably will have more separation anxiety than a lot of other kids. None of my four boys had RAD. One only forms superficial attachments. The others however may be cautious, but they attach.

    You have given S a firm foundation. I really think she will be okay.

  2. S seems like she is very attached to your family. That she doesn't want to say goodbye, to me, only reinforces that. My two RAD kids have no issues about saying goodbye or hello or coming or going because they have grown indifferent to relationships.

    And if you are concerned about her developing attachment issues if she is adopted, if you support her move and work with her new parents on a smooth transition that everyone feels comfortable with, she will be fine. She will miss you but that would be a VERY good thing. Because a kid with RAD would not miss you. My kid who has been with me for three years MIGHT miss me. My newest who has only been with me for 7 months wouldn't miss me for a second.

    If I were in your shoes, from what you have written, I wouldn't be worried. You are doing a great job with her! Keep up the good work :)

  3. Thank you. I certainly appreciate the comments and support. We will keep plugging away