Thursday, February 26, 2009

An Epiphany?

Epiphany is defined by Webster as "a sudden manifestation of the meaning of something". Thats a little highbrow for me. I just call it an "Oh Yeah" moment. You know when you are sitting there not even thinking about a particular item and all of a sudden something pops into your head and you go "Oh Yeah". Like I should have known that all along, or why was I so stupid to have never thought of that before. Anyway, I didn't have a profound one today, but none the less it did make me take time to stop and think.

I was sitting in the office minding my own business looking at a new program on the computer that we are going to start running. I was playing with all the different options and menus just to see what all it could do when it came to me. (S)'s mother had her, but (S) never really had her mother and now more than likely never will.

I can't even begin to imagine what life is like without a mother. I am lucky. My mother is 82 and I talk to her almost every night. How lucky are those of us who had a mother who cared about and for us. There comes a time when everyone passes on to the next world, and we are programmed to bury our parents, not our children. What is (S) life going to be like when she comes to the realization that her mom didn't die, but was just unable to take care of her. Will she think her mom didn't love her. I really think her mom loves her, she is just clueless about how to be a mom.

The more time I spend thinking about (S) and about other children in foster care, the more I believe in what DW and I are doing. I don't know if when (S) leaves us if she will remember us, but if she does, I just want her to leave us with the knowledge that we really did care for and about her. I still dread the day she leaves, but as the saying goes:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

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