Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Winning Isn't Everything....Or Is It?

Now to most of us, winning isn't everything (except maybe when you are talking Patriots and Super Bowl, or Red Sox and World Series). But in our everyday life when we are playing a game of cards with our spouse or playing chess or sorry with our children, winning isn't the most important thing.

We all know that in our hearts and on many occasions, we express that to our children. When I sit down or lie on the bed to play a game with Shy, it is all about playing the game. It is about having fun together and enjoying each other's company. It is about quality family time.

The last thing it is about is who wins and who loses. Yet no matter how many times we say that, to Shy (and I know most other children as well) it is all about winning. Shy just can't stand to lose.

Now she plays basketball at school. She played T-Ball last year and they didn't keep score in those games. As a result, there is no winner or loser. That is the way it should be. The only thing is, how do you play sorry, or Candyland, or Chess and not have a winner or a loser.

The only way the game ends is when someone wins and someone loses. Now I want Shy to be competitive and I want her to have some drive to do well, but I don't want her to become all obsessed with the winning and losing. I want her to enjoy the games we play for just that purpose. Enjoyment!

We never make a big deal out of who wins and who loses, but still she can get very upset when she loses. Sometimes to the point of not wanting to play or just leaving and pouting. Again, I know this is far from uncommon and actually is way too common. I just don't like it and don't want Shy to become a sore sport, or just not enjoy playing when she isn't winning. I want her to have enjoyment for the person who wins. whomever that may be.

I suppose I could only play games that don't have a winner and loser. You know like playing house or playing with dolls. But that isn't really my thing. So, how do I instill in Shy the fact that sometimes it is OK to compete and do well and maybe not be so happy when you lose, but that it is more important to be a good sport and congratulate the person who wins and not be such a sore loser?

Any ideas?


1 comment:

  1. Maybe a story book would help. A long the lines of the other persons feelings when someone does not want to play again after losing. I think it is important for her to see and experience both winning and losing. She will come across situations in life and she will have to be able to deal with losing.I have seen people let their kids win all the time and it makes it hard on child when faced with losing among their peers. I always prepare my kids with a little speech about doing your best and if you happen to win it is icing on the cake. And when someone wins it is good to show your support to them.