This post goes all over the place so try to keep up.
Today was a therapist appointment for (S). The therapist has been very observant about what (S) does and says. I guess she should be as that is her job. Anyway, she knows we have to do something about the sleeping. DW and I can't possibly keep this pace up. We need to get our sleep as without it there is a strain on everything.
It also makes it harder to think straight about making a rational decision when it comes to deciding on adoption. The therapist says that if we don't adopt then (S) has the potential to face serious abandonment issues. Doesn't everyone have that potential? She is very clingy and the therapist thinks that is the reason she doesnt want to sleep in her room. She is afraid when she wakes up we won't be there anymore. She isn't afraid of going to sleep.....she is afraid of waking up and finding us gone. After all, her mother and father are gone without any explanation at all.
Obviously we can't explain things to her. She is only 3 1/2 years old. There is no way she can possibly understand no matter how we explain it to her. She doesn't ask any questions, but she doesn't know what questions to ask. She has no idea that her life isn't the same as every other life in the world. She has no reason to believe she is not living a perfectly normal life....if only she knew!
Today she told me that DW and I were her parents because we make sure she is safe and take good care of her. That is what parents do. She still doesn't call us mom and dad though. I don't think she makes the connection between the two. I so wish I could ask her what she thought was going on and she could give me a sensible answer. I constantly wonder what is going through her head.
We had a dog for about 14 years. It was a mutt we got from the shelter. She was not the smartest dog in the world, but she did whatever we asked and followed us wherever we went. She gave us unconditional love. She didn't know anything about us except that we gave her a home and fed her once a day. When she was sick we gave her medicine. The relationship was exactly the same one we have with (S).
Now I don't mean to imply that (S) is a dog. Quite the contrary. She is an absolutely adorable, thoughtful, and precious little girl. But......she does whatever we ask and follows us wherever we want. She gives us unconditional love. She knows nothing about us except that we give her a home and feed her (much more than once a day) and when she is sick we give her medicine.
When our dog passed away in the fall of 2001 she left a hole in our heart and in our family that won't ever be filled again. Even if we get another dog. I know if/when (S) leaves us, she will leave an even bigger hole.
Right now she is sleeping on the couch next to me. She is so peaceful and content.
I hope she sleeps through the night.
I hope she remains happy and content.
I pray we make the right decision.