Sunday, May 24, 2009

I Love You Mommy

So today has been one of those days that DW and I are convinced it would be am istake for us to adopt (S). It seems we have days like this where we are saying "what the hell are we thinking?" There are other days when we think about how wonderful it would be to have (S) in our life for years to come.

We never know which day we are going to have when we wake up and I am not sure what drives it. There are so many issues that will ultimately combine to make the decision, but right now we don't know which ones are most important to us.

In spite of the day we are having today, (S) came upstairs at one point and said to DW. "I love you mommy". She apparently just walked into the room said that to her and then left to go watch TV. Those are the types od things that happen. Of course it goes the other way too. As soon as we start thinking about how wonderful things might be (S) starts acting out like any normal 3 year old and we are back to the thinking we are crazy.

I know we are going to have many of both types of days as we go through this process. The other part is we are sure that the way we are thinking at a given point is the right answer. Today we are confident that adoption is not in the best interest of (S) or us. I know there will be other days between now and the day the decision is finally made that we will be sure that (S) will be staying with us. The other day I was even checking to see how much extra it would cost if we wanteds to go on a cruise to take (S) with us.

If we aren't crazy now, this decision will drive us crazy. I am already beginning to hear voices in my head telling me what to do. The problem is they don't make any more sense than I do. There is one thing that never changes though. We both do love this girl very much.

1 comment:

  1. I think all these feelings are normal. We are even panicking over the fact that we may be able to adopt 2 babies, and that was our goal! Second guessing yourself? We are too...We love our babies, and can't live without them either.