Tonight we went for a ride to the store and then to get some ice cream. It was me, my DW, and (S). While we are on the way to the store DW told me that this was a day that she was feeling like it would be a mistake to adopt (S). She said she wasn't sure she could handle it and that today being home with (S) all day was really tough. (S) is getting to where she doesn't listen very well and she always wants to do what she wants to do and not what we would like her to do.
In other words, she is getting closer and closer to acting her age. This is what we would expect. It was just being hard on DW today and she was feeling like adoption was not in the cards. Now we have both had days like that and also days where we say something like "of course we are going to adopt her!"
The way it usually works is we feel like we shouldn't adopt because (S) is being a pain and that feeling will last a few days and then she will do something really cute and adorable and remind us that we absolutely love her and she is a part of the family and we feel like of course we are going to adopt her. That goes on for a few days and then it goes back the other way. However tonight was different.
Like I said we are going to the store which is about 20 minutes from the house. The first 15 minutes of the drive were DW telling me how she was feeling that adoption was not a good option. Then, 15 minutes into the ride (S) starts calling both of us from the back seat by our first names. This is what she has called us since she arrived here although lately she has been mixing in a mommy and a daddy once in a while.
So here she is calling to us by name when DW says to her:
"(S) you need to start calling us mommy and daddy, not by our names."
Never have either of us gone from feeling one way to the other in a span of 20 minutes. I don't know what to think about that and I dont think DW does either. I have known for about 5 months that this was going to be difficult if it came to this, but I guess I didn't expect it to be this difficult.
We have another appointment with a counselor on monday and then we will be at the beach Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I am not putting any time limit on myself or DW, but I am certainly hoping that we will be able to reach a final decision next week and then move on with whatever that us.
(S) needs to be able to get on with the rest of her life and we need to get on with the rest of ours. I just don't know if we will be doing it together. So when we tell her to call us mommy and daddy, aren't we committing to keeping that name as a forever family?
I am rambling again. I will call it a night, or maybe Ill call it a day, or maybe I just wont call it anything because after all, What's in a name?