Saturday, June 27, 2009

Can Rocks Talk?

Since the wedding, things have begun to quiet down a little bit. The last person to leave was my son who I took to the airport on Tuesday so he could go back to Alabama. we had our monthly visit from the caseworker on Friday and then today we got (S) together with all of her bio brothers at another foster parents house. (S) is always happy to see her brothers. She considers them her "friends".

The next youngest child up from (S) does not have any permanency arrangement. His current foster parents will not be adopting him. the next one up has a foster parent who will adopt and the two oldest have foster parents that will become legal guardians. So that leaves the caseworker knowing she needs to find one home anyway and still hoping not to have to find one for (S).

When she visited on Friday, she advised that she had some peronal things going on and asked us not to burst her bubble today and let her continue to believe we are going to asopt (S). The thing is........there is still no decision from the court. Now anyone who was in court can't possibly believe that the preants will retain rights, but I am the type of person that wants to see things in writing.

So the whole family was here for the wedding and while most of them remained silent as far as offering any advice as to what we should do, the newest member of our family before my daughters wedding last week had some interesting words. She said:

" I dont' know why y'all (she is from Georgia) dont' know what you are going to do. Everyone else does."

Apparently the smart money is on us adopting (S). The way we feel this week, that is probably right. the problem is we know that next week we might not feel that way. I think if we don't change our feelings again than that will be the answer.

In searching for an answer I thought about the wedding. While there were many pictures taken of all of the family and we had (S) in most of them, there were some "family" pictures that we didn't have (S) in. I felt really bad about that. We are hoping the photographer will be able to photo-shop her into a few of those pictures. So we do consider her part of the family and we wouldn't have any of the other members leave the family, so it is looking like this one won't leave either.

We are still not sure though. We will continue to seek advice and counsel, and in the meantime, we are going to take (S) to York Beach the week after next for a few days of vacation. She loved it there last year and I love it there every year. I have been going there since before I can remember and it is a good place to do some thinking. There are some rocks on the ocean I will be sitting on and doing some deep thinking. I hope the rocks have some answers for me. If there are any rocks that can talk to me, these can.



  1. I'm not sure if you are still having sleep issues, you haven't mentioned it in a while, but I thought I would give you some (unrequested) advice. I just re-read Elizabeth Pantley's book The No-Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers and pre-scoolers. (there is a version for babies too) I had forgotten how good it is and how super helpful. Ella has had sleep issues again lately and I am getting back on the program to resolve them quickly. I'm too grumpy when my sleep is interrupted and she needs to sleep too!

  2. Still thinking of you and praying for your decision.

  3. Other Mother....

    Thank you so much. We need all the help we can get. I am so hoping that next week we will know what is best for (S) and us.

  4. Cloudmaster, you can email me at

  5. Cloudmaster, I admire your thought process. I know that this decision is one that you will not enter into lightly. You will do the right thing by (S). Either share your family forever, or help her get another forever family. Either way she will always be blessed. To have you touch her life!

  6. Like I've said before we were in the same place as you are now.
    We were going on a weeks vacation to the beach & could not get permission to take him out of state. We used this time to see how we felt without him there with us.
    Although we had a nice time being "babyless", we were miserable. I didn't know the people doing respite care for him. I was terrified that they didn't know how to take care of him the way he was use to. Did they make sure he had his blanket & paci for bed? They didn't know the kind of juice he liked or food. I called them twice a day the whole time to check on him. It was then I knew I didn't want to live without him in our life. We were his parents at this point. I would have died not knowing the kind of people who adopted him, how they would raise him.
    Yes, I still wonder what it would be like, to go to a movie and dinner at the drop of a hat. Go on a trip without packing the whole house. But I have a little boy who loves his mommy & daddy more than anything & vise versa.
    I don't know if rocks talk, but I know the sand does.
    I wish you peace of mind