I could see Boon Island Light clearly. It was 7:00am and all was quiet. It was the first sun we had seen for a while. I said a quick hello to my Uncle and my cousin's husband (they both have had their ashes spread on those rocks) and got on with my thinking. I guess it is kind of like Blue's Clues and these were my thinking rocks. The only problem was I didn't have any clues as to what the answer to the mystery is.
The first thing that I thought about was a conversation I had with my father about our dilemma the previous day. He said that he knew our decision was a tough one and no matter what we did, he and my mother would stand behind it. They wouldn't think any better or worse no matter what we decided. That brought me to my next thought. What he had said was really just a variation on something that my parents always said to me and that DW and I always said to our children:
"No matter what, you always have family."
Family will stand beside you through thick and thin. In good times and in bad. In happy times and times that are sad.
So who was going to do that for (S). Was it going to be us, or someone else. then I came to my next thought. I only think of things that are supporting the way I am feeling at that particular moment. If I am thinking that adoption is not a good idea, I only come up with reasons we shouldn't adopt. If I am thinking that we should adopt, I only think of reasons why we should. So what was I able to determine from all of this?
I determined that at that particular moment I wanted to adopt (S). I have been feeling that way for a while. I still don't know that it is the right decision, or the best decision, but it is the decision I am thinking I want to make.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, it is not just my decision. DW has a lot to say about this. We have to be together if we are going to adopt. We need both of us to be fully on board. If one is not then the answer has to be no. Of course DW has been talking about names for (S). If we adopt we have the option of changing her name to whatever we would want. I guess that means that she is at least leaning towards adoption too. I guess we are heading that way, but still have not made any commitment.
In the meantime..........still no word from the court or the caseworker............more to follow