Monday, July 20, 2009

The Post I Didn't Think I Would be Writing

(S)'s case worker called this afternoon. It seems that the judge denied the TPR. The state is filing for an emergency appeal, but in the meantime they have set up a visit with bio-mom this Friday and with bio-dad for next Friday. (S) and her brothers have not seen their bio parents in 8 months. I know that (S)'s therapist will be livid. There is no way that (S) should be visiting with her parents. This will lead to no sleeping again and probably reverse all the progress we have made in toilet training. Sunday she actually pooped in the toilet twice)

We told the case worker that we would not be a party to this nonsense and that they would have to make the travel arrangements. We were not going to take (S) or pick her up. We understand that DHHS has nothing to say about it and they are under a court order, but DW and I are both working on Friday and (S) will be at day care, so if they want there to be a visit, they will have to take care of the travel arrangements.

Apparently the judge feels like the mother and father are apart even though the state has information that it isn't the case. That is the reason for the emergency appeal. From the sounds of what the caseworker said, I don't think their appeal is going to be successful. The Guardian Ad Litem is also against this. I am sure (S)'s therapist will be writing a letter for the appeal, but again, I don't know if it will do any good.

In the meantime, any thought of adoption is obviously to be put on hold. There may not be any child to adopt. All I want is what is best for (S). If the good lord determines that she is better with her biological parents then with an adoptive family, then I can live with that, but if this additional attempt at reunification isn't going to work, then we need to make sure that this visit and future reunification efforts don't really mess things up for (S).

I am very concerned about the impact on (S). I also wonder why the state hasn't done anything to ensure that the visit is preceeded with some kind of therapy so that (S) has some explanation and maybe a little understanding for what is happening.

I know that judge was in the same courtroom that I was. I also know he is retiring in August. He must have already gone senile. There is no way he could have heard that testimony and reached this conclusion. If I go on writing about him, I am bound to use language that I shouldn't, so for now I will sign off. We see the caseworker on Thursday.

I am so disappointed in this system.


  1. Oh, I can't believe that. I'm so sorry. Poor S. It has to be so confusing for her.

  2. I really hope things work out well for (S) and for you. How scary!

  3. I'm so sorry. Until the TPR is ordered everything that is done is to protect the rights of the parents. No consideration is given to the best interest of the children.

  4. Wow, I can't understand this. There has to be a better way, this is too commonplace. So sorry.

  5. What the hell? What a mess! There has to be some mistake. I hope it all gets sorted out soon.

    Also, I thought that both parents were unstable and the source of abuse. What difference does it make that they are supposedly no longer together?

  6. Apparently the judge thinks that if they aren't together then the home will not be so violent........ Apparently the judge is a moron

  7. I will be praying for you, and for S. The system is broken, but it's the best we have. Could you request counseling for her? Hang in there, be there for her, and know we are thinking of you.

  8. Grrrr!
    i hear your frustration, and feel for you and your family. Poor (S). She has no idea. And you and DW, still in limbo.
    Your in my thoughts!