I spend time these days having imaginary conversations with (S) answering the questions I think I know she will ask when she gets older. I don't know exactly when these questions will come. I don't even know if they will come. It is more the questions I think I would ask. I will probably be all prepared to answer these questions and she will ask something I am totally unprepared for. So anyway....
(S)..........Why didn't my bio-parents love me?
Me........Oh, they did love you (S). They loved you very much.
I don't ever want (S) to think that she was unloved or undeserving of love.
(S)........Why didn't they try to keep me then instead of letting the state take me away
Me......Well, they did try to keep you. They tried very hard. They even went to the Supreme Court of the State to try to keep you.
This is what we have been waiting for so long. They never had a chance but at least they tried. (S) doesn't need to know how bad their case was.
(S)......So why didn't they keep me?
Me......Well, they were not able to keep you safe. It is very important that children be safe and so they worked with the state to find us so that we could keep you safe and love you.
I am told that children understand being safe...I hope so
(S).......So how come my biological parents didn't love me the way you and mommy love me?
Me........Well sweetie, There is the quote I heard a long time ago that goes like this:
"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they've got."
I do believe that her biological parents love their children with everything thay have. They just didn't have what it takes to safely raise a family.
So now the question for me is: At what age will these questions be asked, and at what age are these answers the appropriate ones? I remember back when "A" "B" and "K" were liittle and wondering similar things. When the time came, I think I did the right thing and gave the right answers. Even if I didn't they turned out pretty good. All three of my children make me proud almost daily.
When all is said and done, I am sure (S) will too.