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The last time (S) met with any members of her family was last August. Over 8 months ago. At that time, the visit which included her Bio-parents caused her great distress and sent her backwards in development.
Tomorrow there will be the first sibling visit since that time. This was set up by the CW and I am sure it was something that was "ordered" by the court during the hearing a couple of weeks ago. We have talked with the therapist that (S) sees and she has been supportive of a visit, but I have to tell you, I am certainly worried about it.
It is not our intent to keep (S) away from her siblings either now or after adoption. They will always be a part of each other's life as all the adoptive parents are in agreement on that. I am just not sure that this is the right time. Then again, when would be the right time? I suppose the longer it gets put off, the worse it will be. My fear is that (S) will think this is a sign she is going back to her "other" family and that is something I am sure would cause her great distress. Something she certainly doesn't need at this point in her development.
I will let you know how it goes, but in the meantime, I will remain worried.
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Even if you don't think she can comprehend what's going on try explaining it to her in simple terms what the visit is for and what it means just to give her a little warning. Just like you are her family now they are still part of her family too, but it doesn't mean that she will live with them again. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteWill you be with her during the visit or can you ask to be? Can you show her photos of her siblings to get her to remember their looks?
ReplyDeleteWhen we do sibling visits, I'm usually with my FD. I'm really positive about it, and I think that makes her feel safe. She knows that I'm there with her and I'll be taking her home with me. We also look at photos often, so that when she does meet with them, she knows who is who and isn't so scared of all the "strangers"
They need to maintain a connection and having you there will comfort her. It may be a bumpy ride at first but they will create new and happy memories together.
ReplyDeleteYou will worry (now and always) because you love her down to your soul. Hugs to you, DW and little S.