Monday, November 30, 2009

Stability Please

So things continued to go the same way for (S). She acted up in school today and for the first time had a wetting accident while there. She wouldn't listen to her teacher on two separate occasions and she is being obstinate. I guess she wouldn't have these problems is the teacher listened to her. :)

The case worker came by today and we mentioned the problems we have been having with (S) since the holidays. We assumed it was because of the age and the excitement and all of the people that were here over the last week. She brought up something we hadn't thought of..............

It was just after Thanskgiving that she was taken from her last home. I said "come on, she was only 2 years old, she couldn't be making that correlation". The case worker insists that could be part of the issue. While (S) may not be able to explain it and may not even know consciously what the problem is, somewhere in her psyche something says that Thanksgiving is not always a sign of good times to come and Happy Holidays, but a sign of loss of something that at the time was very dear to her. Has anyone who has had a foster child for more than a year seen this before? If you have any info you can give it would certainly be appreciated. If on the other hand you are wondering how this plays out, t me know, I will be sure to keep it as a topic over the coming weeks.

I guess this is just a signal of another loss that we hadn't really thought about. This will be her thrid Christmas with us and we try to make it very special for her. I think we succeed at that. I just wish we could start talking more positively about the future and we could convey that in a way that (S) could feel the stability we know she longs for. (Forget the she....we all long for that stability)


  1. Ohhh, that broke my heart. You have to totally think outside the box with our kiddos, huh? It's so hard to weed out the "normal naughty, being a kid stuff" and the "suffering from hurt and loss" that swirls inside them. It sure takes a lot of extra patience. Poor little angel.

    The stability and love you provide will prevail. It's not a matter of if but when. :o)

  2. You should check out Lisa's blog at - she's written a lot about traumaversaries. I've learned a lot from her.

  3. We just adopted a sibling group. And right before the adoption took place our oldest son age 5 at the time was concerned with what took place on adoption day. I think he remembered the police and could not understand what was going to happen. Once the day was over..he wanted to go back to adoption day. Before our court date he asked lots of questions with a concerned look on his face. He also acted up at school..not listening. After court he went back to normal. It is hard to know what is on our little ones minds, they have suffered such loss at such and early age. We have had our kids for almost 2 years and it surprises me what they still remember before being removed and placed in foster care. I always just let them talk and acknowledge their feelings.

  4. I do believe in the anniversary but I also think in general holidays seems to be hard for our kids, not sure if its the change in structure or what, but keeping it low key sometimes helps.