Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The hearing is over

Yesterday marked the end of the TPR hearing. Now we are just waiting for the judges decision. I am hopeful he will take some time to make this decision as we still have not decided what we are going to do. we do have an appointment with a social worker for Thursday. We are hoping to get more information about adopting out of foster care and all the ramifications of that considering our age so that we can make an informed decision.

It seems as though every day we feel differently about what we want to do. I ran into a man I work with this past week and he has 2 adopted children. He adopted them after his older kids had left the house and the difference in age between he and his two adopted children is about the same as ours. He doesn't seem to have any regrets at all.

That is really our fear. That we will regret what ever decision it is we make. We don't want to find ourselves with a child we regret having. That would be horrible for all of us. On the other hand, we don't want to let her go and feel like we did the wrong thing that way either. I know I am rambling again, but this is all consuming. It is creating so much additional stress in our life when we least need it. (K)s wedding is in less than three weeks and we still have work to do with that as well. We have family coming from all over the country and that alone creates enough stress. I don't know how people deal with it. I am sure once we make our decision we will be content with it, but boy getting there has been more difficult then trying to explain twitter to my 80 year old parents.

Right now DW and (S) are asleep in each others arms on the recliner while I am watching the game and blogging. These are the moments when the answer is simple...of course we will adopt her. She belongs here...........This sucks


  1. My partner was adopted by her paternal grandparents. They took her in when she was 18 months old in an emergency situation. She's always marveled that they were able to adapt so easily to having a baby, but I'm sure it was very difficult for them. We've talked many times about how differently they parented her than their biological kids. She feels she got the best of both worlds -- parents who were partially retired and thus able to focus on her, but also who'd had enough experience parenting that they were laid-back and relaxed with her rather than strict and overbearing.

    By the same token, though, as we get ready to adopt she feels a real pressure to do it now because she's not sure she'd feel able to do it if she waited until she was older like they were when she came into their lives. I'm not trying to sway you either way, but I know she's said many times that being adopted by her grandparents was the best thing that ever happened to her. I'm glad they were able to make it a good thing for them too.

  2. I haven't said anything for a while, but I read everything. Early on I wrote that S would be okay if you let her go to a different home. I said that I thought you could be the grandparents. I still think this is possible.

    I know sometimes you worry about S being traumatized by having to be moved for an adoption. I think that that can be handled in a way which does not traumatize, though of course it will difficult.

    I can completely understand if you don't want to be full-time parents again. You are one of the few who really did intend to do reunification/temporary care. We need more foster parents who are committed to that. To stay committed to it and be a secure and temporary home for a certain number of children over the next how ever many years, is reasonable and laudible.

    I can envision so many options and think, "Yep, that would work. That would be good."

    But I am sitting here trying to imagine a world in which you say, "Gee, it was a mistake to adopt S" and I gotta tell you, I don't see it. I know there are reasons why you might not think it was a good idea to adopt S, I just don't think that "we will regret it later" is something you need to worry about. Not in a million years.