Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I Had a Question

and that question was: "What was in that part of my heart that (S) now occupies?" I never felt like anything was missing from my life. DW and I were happy and content. We had three grown children who were all out in the world on their own and doing well. While it was a struggle at times, there was never anything missing from our life. But now that (S) has come into our family, I know there would be a huge emptiness in my heart if she were to leave. I don’t feel any less about anyone that was already in my life. (S) takes up just as much space as my three biological children and I feel just as strongly about her as I do them. I want her to grow up and have just as wonderful a life as possible, just like I hope for my biological children.

There were more questions that naturally followed the original...

So how does that work anyway? When do you run out of places in your heart to put people? Do you ever? If there isn’t anything missing, how can something find a place into your heart? If there wasn't a hole to begin with, why is there one when someone is gone?

I think I have come up with the answer. While I am not a philosopher by any stretch of the imagination and my college philosophy grades will prove that, I now believe the following:

There is never a hole in your heart, there are just spaces that are available for tangible(i.e. people) and intangible (i.e. religion) things to occupy. Those spaces are currently occupied with your own love. Things only occupy those areas of your heart if you open it up to them. Someone or something has to be very special for you to open up your heart, and when you do, you give some of your love to them. That creates the space that is then devoted to them forever. No one can ever take their place in that spot. Other spaces will be made available as new people come into your life and you give of your love to them, but ultimately the space given to someone is thiers forever. When they are gone, is when there is that empty feeling that never really goes away. You may get used to it after a while but it never really goes away.

A lost child can not be replaced with a newborn, nor can a lost spouse be replaced with a new spouse. You can just open up another area of your heart and let more of your love out. It is certainly risky business. The more you open up your heart and the more love you let out, the more susceptible you are to having empty spaces. So....back to the beginning. If you have no empty space in your heart, how is there room to add someone into it?

You make the room in your heart by giving of some of your love for that person to put into their heart. It is really quite simple. As the Beatles said:

"And in the end
The love you take
is equal to the love you make"

Thank you for indulging me in my little rambling



  1. Beautiful post and philosphy. Makes perfect sense. Love it!

  2. Some people think we're nuts for doing what we do. I think we're blessed to have the honor of loving some amazing little angels. :o)

    Beautiful post!

  3. This is an absolutely lovely post. Thank you!

  4. This is such a great observance! I guess that is why some folks can have such huge families.