There have been many times in my life when I have said " hey it is true, you can't judge a book by its cover." I remember a little Japanese restaurant in Montreal that a bunch of us went to. When we arrived we found a place that looked like a real dive. It was in a dying part of town. Old factory buildings that were boarded up lined the streets. There were stairs leading down to the restaurant located in the basement of one of those factories building. There was nothing else around and there weren't any people outside. The problem was that we were going to a baseball game and didn't really have a lot of time to find someplace else so we grudgingly went in.........It was fantastic!......You can't judge a book by its cover.
I could go on about movies that didn't look all that great but I went to because someone else wanted to go. I can think of books that really fit the theory. When we were looking for houses there were a lot of them. There were the ones that looked great on the outside and were in desperate need of TLC inside, as well as the ones that looked horrible on the outside but on the inside were absolutely beautiful......You can't judge a book by its cover.
OK, so the theory works. At least for inanimate objects. Not always mind you, but enough so that you really have to look inside to find out what the real picture is.
What about people? My idealistic side would like to think that everyone has some good somewhere, and I may be naive, but I am sure that is true to differing degrees. As far as the judging theory goes....well we were in court yet again last week and as always we were there for a hearing related to the TPR of (S). It was the busiest we had ever seen this courthouse. Being a family court all the cases were either child protective cases, divorce cases, adoption cases. There wasn't a lot to do except read old magazines, or people watch. I chose the later and found myself judging some of the "books" roaming around the courthouse on Monday.
There was a young couple there. One with a lot of life left ahead of them. On occasion they even held each other's hand. They were both well dressed and groomed. He was reading a book and she was sitting anxiously quiet. There was no way they were there to get a divorce. I am convinced they were in the process of adopting a young child.
On the other hand, there were a number of people there who were dirty, horribly dressed, and had obviously just came in from the wilderness of northern Maine. Most of them could not put together a sentence. I figured they must have been the ones involved in child protective cases. The only reason they could possibly be there is because the state had to take their children away.
There was a bleached blond girl there who was about 5'7" tall and I don't think she weighed 90 p0unds soaking wet. Obviously a drug addict. She was however well dressed. She was most likely trying to get custody back of her child/ren who had been taken away from her.
There was an older casually dressed couple there with a son of about 30 who looked like he was a hard working mechanic. His hands had the rough grease-stained look. He had on a pair of blue dickies and a sweatshirt. He was clean and was able to talk in complete sentences. Whatever the reason they were there, I was sure everything was going to work out for them.
There were the other people who were obviously there to testify. They were talking amongst themselves. Well dressed and groomed. A few I recognized as counselors and therapists from (S)s case.
The suits.....they all had to be the lawyers.....They had thick briefcases under their arms and cell-phones attached to their belts. One needed a cane. They conversed with each other about all matters of things. Some of them pertaining to cases, and some of them totally irrelevant to what they were doing in court.
So, was I right about my judgements? I have no clue. ( I was wearing a shirt and tie and had a cell phone but I am not a lawyer) I could have been right but most likely I was right about some and wrong about others. Hence the theory. But when you are sitting around in a courthouse all day awaiting your 10 minutes before a judge, what else is there to do? I am just left to wonder..... By the way (S)s bio-mom was there. She still looks used and abused although she was clean and neatly dressed.
If nothing else is clear, the one thing that is obvious is that some people have never been taught good hygiene, or how they should look when going before a judge.