*
By far one of the most exciting days of my life. Yes it was just as exciting as the day my biological children were born and the day I married my wonderful wife.
Today, an individual I have never met in person, but have come to know over the last few years through this blog and hers is having her day.
Congratulations to Melissa, Little Buddy, and SweetPea. Be sure to drop by and pass along your thoughts at:
http://www.ourfullcircle.com/
*
Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Adoption - an "E" Ticket Ride!!
*
Tomorrow we are heading up to Maine. It is Amy's birthday on Monday so we are going up for the weekend partially to celebrate her birthday, but also to visit with Kari, and our sons-in-law and most importantly for us, our grandson.
It is also an opportunity for Shy to visit with her sisters. Those are adopted sisters. Our biological children. Shy asked if she could have play dates with her brothers (biological). We sent a message to the adoptive parents we have contact with, but unfortunately, it looks like that won't happen. Shy has not seen her two oldest biological brothers in over a year. She has seen the other two (one a year older and one three years older) a couple of times since we moved to Cape Cod.
One of them lives in Portland, Maine and is unable to get to the area we will be visiting. We do drive through Portland, but we don't want to limit our visit and leave our grandson earlier than we have to, so that is not looking great. The other adoptive parent we have not heard back from. They live very close to where we are visiting, so a little play time and visit with him is certainly doable.
So, this all begs the question. Does Shy really want to have a play date with her "brothers" because she feels the biological connection to them? or is it more likely that she just likes to have play dates and these are a couple of boys that she can have a play date with and are the only ones she knows close to her age up there in Maine? Those are not the only questions.
What about the questions for DW and I. Is this becoming less and less of a priority for us now that all 5 of the children have been adopted. The parents of the two older boys seem to want to have absolutely nothing to do with the three younger ones. Are we heading that way? If so, I am not sure why. Of course we want Shy to be able to visit with her brothers if that is what she wants, but.....Is there something in the back of my mind that is afraid of losing Shy to her biological family when she gets older? The less she sees them now, is that less likely or more likely to happen?
How important is it for a 6 year old to maintain a bond with her biological family? Does it become less important or more important as time moves on? Will not seeing them often make her want to see them more. (You know the old "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing). Will seeing them less make her more likely to forget them? Will that cause a more serious desire to "find" them when she reaches 18? or 21"?
Well, I guess with everything, all kids are different. All DW and I can do is hang on for the ride and see where it takes us. For those of you older folks that remember, this foster care/adoption is definitely an "E-Ticket" ride. (for you younger folks, this does not refer to an airlines "electronic" ticket" )
*
Tomorrow we are heading up to Maine. It is Amy's birthday on Monday so we are going up for the weekend partially to celebrate her birthday, but also to visit with Kari, and our sons-in-law and most importantly for us, our grandson.
It is also an opportunity for Shy to visit with her sisters. Those are adopted sisters. Our biological children. Shy asked if she could have play dates with her brothers (biological). We sent a message to the adoptive parents we have contact with, but unfortunately, it looks like that won't happen. Shy has not seen her two oldest biological brothers in over a year. She has seen the other two (one a year older and one three years older) a couple of times since we moved to Cape Cod.
One of them lives in Portland, Maine and is unable to get to the area we will be visiting. We do drive through Portland, but we don't want to limit our visit and leave our grandson earlier than we have to, so that is not looking great. The other adoptive parent we have not heard back from. They live very close to where we are visiting, so a little play time and visit with him is certainly doable.
So, this all begs the question. Does Shy really want to have a play date with her "brothers" because she feels the biological connection to them? or is it more likely that she just likes to have play dates and these are a couple of boys that she can have a play date with and are the only ones she knows close to her age up there in Maine? Those are not the only questions.
What about the questions for DW and I. Is this becoming less and less of a priority for us now that all 5 of the children have been adopted. The parents of the two older boys seem to want to have absolutely nothing to do with the three younger ones. Are we heading that way? If so, I am not sure why. Of course we want Shy to be able to visit with her brothers if that is what she wants, but.....Is there something in the back of my mind that is afraid of losing Shy to her biological family when she gets older? The less she sees them now, is that less likely or more likely to happen?
How important is it for a 6 year old to maintain a bond with her biological family? Does it become less important or more important as time moves on? Will not seeing them often make her want to see them more. (You know the old "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing). Will seeing them less make her more likely to forget them? Will that cause a more serious desire to "find" them when she reaches 18? or 21"?
Well, I guess with everything, all kids are different. All DW and I can do is hang on for the ride and see where it takes us. For those of you older folks that remember, this foster care/adoption is definitely an "E-Ticket" ride. (for you younger folks, this does not refer to an airlines "electronic" ticket" )
*
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Finally.....A report on the Cruise
*
So here is a short report on the cruise.......
We got to the terminal at Port Everglades at 10:30 on sail date. They had a small area set up to check in those of us who arrived early, and we got to sit in a special area to board first since we are high enough up in Royal Caribbeans "Crown and Anchor Society" to garner such treatment. You know a child travelling with you attains the level you are at whether or not they have travelled as much as required to attain such status. That means that Shyanne will get special treatment on her next cruise as though she had been on ten cruises with Royal Caribbean, even though she has only been on one.
Anyway....We waited for the main terminal to open up and to get let on the ship. While we waited, we noticed our new friends from Cape Cod come in the door. We went over and said hello to them and told then we would see them on board. As it turned out, we saw a lot of them on board the ship and enjoyed our time together. They are really great people and fun to be with.
So....very shortly after 11:00am they led us into the main terminal and through the door to the gangway. Of course we had to stop to get our "All Aboard" picture taken and then we made our way onto the ship. Shy got a special green bracelet that showed where her muster station was in the event of an emergency. That way, if she wasn't with us, a crew member would know exactly where to take her to be with us.
We looked around the ship for a little while, but then Shy wanted to go into the pool. We headed up that way and we spent some time in the pool, in the hot tubs, and just enjoying the Florida sun. Shy participated in the festivities at sail-away and enjoyed dancing with everyone on the deck. It was then time to go to the cabin to get ready for our first dinner and see if our luggage had arrived.
We thought that since we had gotten there early and they had taken our luggage early, we would get it early. Well, we were just about the last ones on our deck to get our luggage. Shy was getting very anxious and concerned about it as the outfit we had carried on for dinner was not the one she really wanted to wear. This falls in the category of "a women's prerogative". Anyway, the luggage finally came and we went off to dinner.
Lucky us!!!! There was another little girl just a year younger than Shyanne at the table with us. She was a little girl from New York, and she was absolutely adorable. The two of them sat together at evening meals and had a wonderful time together..
Day two started the "Adventure Ocean" camp that Royal Caribbean runs on their ships. It was absolutely wonderful Shyanne loved it and wanted to spend as much time as possible with that group. There were times we had to literally pull her away so that we could spend some family time together. What a great program and a great reason for families to go on cruises. At least with Royal Caribbean.
We did do a couple of excursions while on the cruise. We did one on Saint Martin to the butterfly farm and then to Orient Beach. Shy loved both. We also did an excursion on St. Kitts that included a plantation, a fort, and a beach. It was absolutely wonderful. Shyanne had a great time and we all enjoyed just being together.
We can't wait to take another cruise. It was certainly something we all needed after such a long period without a good vacation trip like that. I will write more about the cruise and different little things that happened along the way, but I just wanted to let everyone know how wonderful our 8 days at sea were, and to recommend it to anyone who wants to have a great time!!
A few little tips for travelling with children that we were aware of, but can lead to problems if you don't heed them:...
Make sure you have current passports for everyone!!!
If your child does not have the same last name as both parents, make sure you have a birth certificate that shows that.
If you are a divorced parent make sure you have a letter from the other parent authorizing you to take the child on board the ship and out of the country.
In any of the above cases, and as far as I am concerned, anytime you are travelling with children, a birth certificate to go along with that other information is always a good thing to have.
Make sure you have copies of all of the above documentation to take with you when you go ashore on any islands. IF there is a problem on the island, it can help make things move quicker if you have all the numbers with you.
All of the above can be a problem especially for adoptive families, so please make sure you check everything in advance so you don't have a problem at the pier that could ruin your vacation.
Foster Families typically have to have special permission to take children out of the country. When Shyanne was in foster care with us, we were unable to take her out of the country and it just about took an act of congress to take her out of the State of Maine, so be sure to check with your case worker before you plan any travel with a foster child.
*
So here is a short report on the cruise.......
We got to the terminal at Port Everglades at 10:30 on sail date. They had a small area set up to check in those of us who arrived early, and we got to sit in a special area to board first since we are high enough up in Royal Caribbeans "Crown and Anchor Society" to garner such treatment. You know a child travelling with you attains the level you are at whether or not they have travelled as much as required to attain such status. That means that Shyanne will get special treatment on her next cruise as though she had been on ten cruises with Royal Caribbean, even though she has only been on one.
Anyway....We waited for the main terminal to open up and to get let on the ship. While we waited, we noticed our new friends from Cape Cod come in the door. We went over and said hello to them and told then we would see them on board. As it turned out, we saw a lot of them on board the ship and enjoyed our time together. They are really great people and fun to be with.
So....very shortly after 11:00am they led us into the main terminal and through the door to the gangway. Of course we had to stop to get our "All Aboard" picture taken and then we made our way onto the ship. Shy got a special green bracelet that showed where her muster station was in the event of an emergency. That way, if she wasn't with us, a crew member would know exactly where to take her to be with us.
We looked around the ship for a little while, but then Shy wanted to go into the pool. We headed up that way and we spent some time in the pool, in the hot tubs, and just enjoying the Florida sun. Shy participated in the festivities at sail-away and enjoyed dancing with everyone on the deck. It was then time to go to the cabin to get ready for our first dinner and see if our luggage had arrived.
We thought that since we had gotten there early and they had taken our luggage early, we would get it early. Well, we were just about the last ones on our deck to get our luggage. Shy was getting very anxious and concerned about it as the outfit we had carried on for dinner was not the one she really wanted to wear. This falls in the category of "a women's prerogative". Anyway, the luggage finally came and we went off to dinner.
Lucky us!!!! There was another little girl just a year younger than Shyanne at the table with us. She was a little girl from New York, and she was absolutely adorable. The two of them sat together at evening meals and had a wonderful time together..
Day two started the "Adventure Ocean" camp that Royal Caribbean runs on their ships. It was absolutely wonderful Shyanne loved it and wanted to spend as much time as possible with that group. There were times we had to literally pull her away so that we could spend some family time together. What a great program and a great reason for families to go on cruises. At least with Royal Caribbean.
We did do a couple of excursions while on the cruise. We did one on Saint Martin to the butterfly farm and then to Orient Beach. Shy loved both. We also did an excursion on St. Kitts that included a plantation, a fort, and a beach. It was absolutely wonderful. Shyanne had a great time and we all enjoyed just being together.
We can't wait to take another cruise. It was certainly something we all needed after such a long period without a good vacation trip like that. I will write more about the cruise and different little things that happened along the way, but I just wanted to let everyone know how wonderful our 8 days at sea were, and to recommend it to anyone who wants to have a great time!!
A few little tips for travelling with children that we were aware of, but can lead to problems if you don't heed them:...
Make sure you have current passports for everyone!!!
If your child does not have the same last name as both parents, make sure you have a birth certificate that shows that.
If you are a divorced parent make sure you have a letter from the other parent authorizing you to take the child on board the ship and out of the country.
In any of the above cases, and as far as I am concerned, anytime you are travelling with children, a birth certificate to go along with that other information is always a good thing to have.
Make sure you have copies of all of the above documentation to take with you when you go ashore on any islands. IF there is a problem on the island, it can help make things move quicker if you have all the numbers with you.
All of the above can be a problem especially for adoptive families, so please make sure you check everything in advance so you don't have a problem at the pier that could ruin your vacation.
Foster Families typically have to have special permission to take children out of the country. When Shyanne was in foster care with us, we were unable to take her out of the country and it just about took an act of congress to take her out of the State of Maine, so be sure to check with your case worker before you plan any travel with a foster child.
*
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Are They Really Problems?
*
Yesterday was Shyanne's busy day. School, followed by Chess club. Dinner as soon as she walks in the door after dance was followed by homework, get washed up and into pajamas and then off to bed.
She still woke up around 10:00pm as we were watching the end of Alcatraz. (I had to DVR it as DW was at a PTA meeting). She didn't like it and covered her face while she sat with us. She then went into bed, but at some time during the night she came into our bedroom and when I awoke this morning, I found her lying in the bed between DW and I.
It has been a long time since that happened, and I am not sure why it did last night. Whether or not Alcatraz caused her some problems or not, I don't know. It just seems to be too easy an excuse to make for kids. "Scary movies or TV shows give them nightmares etc etc."
Today Shy will go to her play therapist after school so maybe she will be able to shed some light on it. Like I said, it hasn't happened since well before we went away on our trip, so I don't think it is a real problem, but I want to be sure we keep it from becoming that.
I think a lot of times the things we see as "problems" for Shyanne are really our own problems. Whether it be coming into our room at night, getting angry over something that is really meaningless, coming crying to us when there is absolutely no reason, or yelling at us when nothing happened. We want to assign every issue a reason, when in reality, we just have to realize she is 6 years old and these things would happen regardless of her past....right???
*
Yesterday was Shyanne's busy day. School, followed by Chess club. Dinner as soon as she walks in the door after dance was followed by homework, get washed up and into pajamas and then off to bed.
She still woke up around 10:00pm as we were watching the end of Alcatraz. (I had to DVR it as DW was at a PTA meeting). She didn't like it and covered her face while she sat with us. She then went into bed, but at some time during the night she came into our bedroom and when I awoke this morning, I found her lying in the bed between DW and I.
It has been a long time since that happened, and I am not sure why it did last night. Whether or not Alcatraz caused her some problems or not, I don't know. It just seems to be too easy an excuse to make for kids. "Scary movies or TV shows give them nightmares etc etc."
Today Shy will go to her play therapist after school so maybe she will be able to shed some light on it. Like I said, it hasn't happened since well before we went away on our trip, so I don't think it is a real problem, but I want to be sure we keep it from becoming that.
I think a lot of times the things we see as "problems" for Shyanne are really our own problems. Whether it be coming into our room at night, getting angry over something that is really meaningless, coming crying to us when there is absolutely no reason, or yelling at us when nothing happened. We want to assign every issue a reason, when in reality, we just have to realize she is 6 years old and these things would happen regardless of her past....right???
*
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Girl Scout Cookies
*
Well, the Girl Scout Cookies are in, and yesterday we had almost 100 boxes at our house. No, we didn't buy them all, just 10 boxes. The other were bought by family, friend, and co-workers. Now the job of delivering them to the people who ordered them and collecting the money begins. It is certainly a big task, and since we are going away on Tuesday, it is a task we would like to have completed by Monday.
I am not sure that is possible, but we are going to give it our best! Shy went ahead and started delivering as soon as she got home form school yesterday. She also started eating. She had 2 of the Peanut Butter Patties. I find that very disappointing. They are my favorites. On the other hand, DW likes the Shortbread cookies. I wish Shy would find those to be the ones she liked the most!
If her sales are any indication, the Peanut Butter Patties, Thin Mints, and Caramel De-Lites are the three biggest sellers. I also like the Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies myself. I think everyone probably has a Girl Scout Cookie they like.
I wonder. Is there anyone who has never had a Girl Scout Cookie? I would find that so hard to believe. This time of year they are ever present in the Northeast. They have booths set up at malls and stores all over the area. They also have girls selling to friends relatives and neighbors. I think it may be one of the most widely marketed items in the country.
I guess I would have to ask this question. Is there anyone out there who has never had a Girl Scout Cookie? If you haven't, why not?
Just Curious?
Well, the Girl Scout Cookies are in, and yesterday we had almost 100 boxes at our house. No, we didn't buy them all, just 10 boxes. The other were bought by family, friend, and co-workers. Now the job of delivering them to the people who ordered them and collecting the money begins. It is certainly a big task, and since we are going away on Tuesday, it is a task we would like to have completed by Monday.
I am not sure that is possible, but we are going to give it our best! Shy went ahead and started delivering as soon as she got home form school yesterday. She also started eating. She had 2 of the Peanut Butter Patties. I find that very disappointing. They are my favorites. On the other hand, DW likes the Shortbread cookies. I wish Shy would find those to be the ones she liked the most!
If her sales are any indication, the Peanut Butter Patties, Thin Mints, and Caramel De-Lites are the three biggest sellers. I also like the Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies myself. I think everyone probably has a Girl Scout Cookie they like.
I wonder. Is there anyone who has never had a Girl Scout Cookie? I would find that so hard to believe. This time of year they are ever present in the Northeast. They have booths set up at malls and stores all over the area. They also have girls selling to friends relatives and neighbors. I think it may be one of the most widely marketed items in the country.
I guess I would have to ask this question. Is there anyone out there who has never had a Girl Scout Cookie? If you haven't, why not?
Just Curious?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Trouble in School
*
Yesterday we got an e-mail from Shy's school teacher. It seems that she was not listening to what the teacher was telling her during math class and as a result, the teacher took 5 minutes of recess away from Shy.
When we asked her about it, she did not want to talk about it at all and got quite irate about it.
We explained that that behavior was not acceptable and it was important that she listened to her teacher. She said she didn't care about recess and when we told her no TV after dinner, she said she didn't care about that either. She got quite angry and started yelling at us. We know she was more upset with her self than with us, so we just kind of let that part of it go.
She just didn't want to talk about it. She knew we were upset with her, and I think that was enough. So after dinner we just let her read and finish up her homework and then it was off to bed.
When DW was putting her into bed, she said she was sorry that she didn't behave well in class, and that she was also sorry for the way she acted about it at home. She was very loving.
These are the times when we believe that she is still testing us. I think she wants to see if we will still love her no matter what she does. Of course the answer is yes. The only thing I worry about is how far she will go to see if we still love her. Of course our love for her will never waiver, but we don't want her to do anything in the future that is going to require more than a simple apology to make things a little better. The last thing we want is for her to be labelled as a trouble maker by the teachers or the school.
And I know most of you already know this, but we do still lover he and always will. She is an absolutely wonderful and beautiful little girl, and nothing she does could ever change that.
The challenge is getting her to believe that!
*
Yesterday we got an e-mail from Shy's school teacher. It seems that she was not listening to what the teacher was telling her during math class and as a result, the teacher took 5 minutes of recess away from Shy.
When we asked her about it, she did not want to talk about it at all and got quite irate about it.
We explained that that behavior was not acceptable and it was important that she listened to her teacher. She said she didn't care about recess and when we told her no TV after dinner, she said she didn't care about that either. She got quite angry and started yelling at us. We know she was more upset with her self than with us, so we just kind of let that part of it go.
She just didn't want to talk about it. She knew we were upset with her, and I think that was enough. So after dinner we just let her read and finish up her homework and then it was off to bed.
When DW was putting her into bed, she said she was sorry that she didn't behave well in class, and that she was also sorry for the way she acted about it at home. She was very loving.
These are the times when we believe that she is still testing us. I think she wants to see if we will still love her no matter what she does. Of course the answer is yes. The only thing I worry about is how far she will go to see if we still love her. Of course our love for her will never waiver, but we don't want her to do anything in the future that is going to require more than a simple apology to make things a little better. The last thing we want is for her to be labelled as a trouble maker by the teachers or the school.
And I know most of you already know this, but we do still lover he and always will. She is an absolutely wonderful and beautiful little girl, and nothing she does could ever change that.
The challenge is getting her to believe that!
*
Friday, January 27, 2012
New Places, New Experiences, New People
*
First.... for those of you interested, Shyanne did earn a sticker yesterday.
Last Saturday Shy and I went to the Northeast Clown Institute being held in Plymouth, Ma. It is a short ride from where we live and Shy likes clowns. I know that there are a lot of people who think clowns are creepy, but Shy likes them.
On the other hand, the clowns I know are all pretty good guys. The main reason we went up there was so I could see some friends of mine. You see this institute is run by the Shriner's Organization. They have clowns at all of their temples and they go around to different events that children may be at, and also work at the Shrine Circus events held around the country.
Most people have heard about the Shriner's Hospitals and all the good work they do. All the funding for those hospitals comes from the Shriners, so they are definitely a great organization, and one I know all Shriners are proud of.
I have two friends from Maine who are Shrine clowns and they were going to be there. One was actually the "Dean" of the institute. So Shy an I went up there. Since their wives were not coming DW was not real interested so she had some alone time at the house while Shy and I had some "Princess/daddy" together time.
We watched as all the clowns paraded on stage for a make-up competition. Unfortunately, they didn't announce winners until the next morning, so we don't know who won. (neither of my friends participated in that particular part). When that was over, Shy and I waited until my two friends could get away. In the meantime, Shy collected cards from all the clowns, and had her face painted as a butterfly by a clown. She really enjoyed all of that.
Then it was off to dinner. We ate at a nice Italian restaurant, and said our good-byes and went home. IT was a great day. Anytime we take Shy anywhere or do anything out of the ordinary she just eats it up. She loves doing things that are different. The more we do different things, the more she thrives. It is the sitting around at home that she doesn't like so much, and that is why there are days that she does not earn a sticker.
She just needs to be doing new things, experiencing new places, and having fun with other people. The cruise in 3 weeks should be just up her alley!!! and ours too!! None of us can wait for that trip and vacation. I am sure I will have plenty of stories to tell when we return.
First.... for those of you interested, Shyanne did earn a sticker yesterday.
Last Saturday Shy and I went to the Northeast Clown Institute being held in Plymouth, Ma. It is a short ride from where we live and Shy likes clowns. I know that there are a lot of people who think clowns are creepy, but Shy likes them.
On the other hand, the clowns I know are all pretty good guys. The main reason we went up there was so I could see some friends of mine. You see this institute is run by the Shriner's Organization. They have clowns at all of their temples and they go around to different events that children may be at, and also work at the Shrine Circus events held around the country.
Most people have heard about the Shriner's Hospitals and all the good work they do. All the funding for those hospitals comes from the Shriners, so they are definitely a great organization, and one I know all Shriners are proud of.
I have two friends from Maine who are Shrine clowns and they were going to be there. One was actually the "Dean" of the institute. So Shy an I went up there. Since their wives were not coming DW was not real interested so she had some alone time at the house while Shy and I had some "Princess/daddy" together time.
We watched as all the clowns paraded on stage for a make-up competition. Unfortunately, they didn't announce winners until the next morning, so we don't know who won. (neither of my friends participated in that particular part). When that was over, Shy and I waited until my two friends could get away. In the meantime, Shy collected cards from all the clowns, and had her face painted as a butterfly by a clown. She really enjoyed all of that.
Then it was off to dinner. We ate at a nice Italian restaurant, and said our good-byes and went home. IT was a great day. Anytime we take Shy anywhere or do anything out of the ordinary she just eats it up. She loves doing things that are different. The more we do different things, the more she thrives. It is the sitting around at home that she doesn't like so much, and that is why there are days that she does not earn a sticker.
She just needs to be doing new things, experiencing new places, and having fun with other people. The cruise in 3 weeks should be just up her alley!!! and ours too!! None of us can wait for that trip and vacation. I am sure I will have plenty of stories to tell when we return.
*
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I Remain Worried
Foster parents are needed. and there is an article from Cleveland today that shows why. There are way too many children going back to biological parents before they should. This article talks about a number of different cases.
Unfortunately, while it is Departments of Children Services around the country that are lamenting the lack of foster parents available, they are the very ones who don't listen to what foster parents have to say.
The main reason for this article is the murder of a child returned to the biological parent AFTER the foster parents adamently opposed the reunion of this family. They felt the mother was not yet in a position to care for children.
Case Workers: You can't have it both ways!
If you want foster parents, you have to believe in what you are told. In most cases you are overworked and the foster parents have a much better idea of what is happening with the children then you do. I know you don't like to admit this, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to resolving your issues.
So.........(S)s bio-parents are back in town. They have not made any attempt to contact DHHS or their children and apparently don't care to find out how they are doing, but the court still has not decided on the appeal of the TPR. Put that together with the attached article, and you can understand why I will remain worried until I hear that the appeal has been denied. At this point, any other outcome is unacceptable.
http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2010/02/county_officials_defend_decisi.html
*
Unfortunately, while it is Departments of Children Services around the country that are lamenting the lack of foster parents available, they are the very ones who don't listen to what foster parents have to say.
The main reason for this article is the murder of a child returned to the biological parent AFTER the foster parents adamently opposed the reunion of this family. They felt the mother was not yet in a position to care for children.
Case Workers: You can't have it both ways!
If you want foster parents, you have to believe in what you are told. In most cases you are overworked and the foster parents have a much better idea of what is happening with the children then you do. I know you don't like to admit this, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to resolving your issues.
So.........(S)s bio-parents are back in town. They have not made any attempt to contact DHHS or their children and apparently don't care to find out how they are doing, but the court still has not decided on the appeal of the TPR. Put that together with the attached article, and you can understand why I will remain worried until I hear that the appeal has been denied. At this point, any other outcome is unacceptable.
http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2010/02/county_officials_defend_decisi.html
*
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Missing my Girls
*
I miss DW and (S). They came down last Thursday and stayed until Monday and will be back again on Friday until Tuesday, but I still miss them. Last weekend they were each sick a day so we didn't exactly have a great time other than the horses and Chuck E's.
This weekend we are planning a trip to Glow Bowling, and of course I will be taking my two girls out for dinner on Sunday for Valentine's Day. Mostly, I just enjoy spending time with them. It really doesn't matter what we do.
While some people have recommended that we delay the Disney trip another year, we have decided a different course of action. We are going to do our best to prepare (S) for the trip. Tell her everything we can. Show her pictures from a past trip there and try our best to assure her that this is fun and nothing to be afraid of.
So I plan on talking about and doing more planning for our trip. Exactly when, where and how. We are also going to visit Nanny, Papa, and Grandpa who all live in Florida. We don't get to see them much, so any opportunity is a good one. We also have another trip to talk about, but I haven't said anything to DW yet. This blog entry will kind of be a test to see how often she checks the blog and calls to find out about this other trip. I am not sure we can do it, but I am not even going to try if she isn't interested.
Of course, I am still planning our regular February trip that we have missed the last two years for February 2011. That will be a trip that we certainly hope will be with (S) as our adopted daughter, not our foster daughter. A trip we won't need to get approval for from anyone else.
Anyway, it will be nice to see them both this weekend. We will have lots of fun together, and I hope no one gets sick. Can't wait to see you both sweetie!
*
I miss DW and (S). They came down last Thursday and stayed until Monday and will be back again on Friday until Tuesday, but I still miss them. Last weekend they were each sick a day so we didn't exactly have a great time other than the horses and Chuck E's.
This weekend we are planning a trip to Glow Bowling, and of course I will be taking my two girls out for dinner on Sunday for Valentine's Day. Mostly, I just enjoy spending time with them. It really doesn't matter what we do.
While some people have recommended that we delay the Disney trip another year, we have decided a different course of action. We are going to do our best to prepare (S) for the trip. Tell her everything we can. Show her pictures from a past trip there and try our best to assure her that this is fun and nothing to be afraid of.
So I plan on talking about and doing more planning for our trip. Exactly when, where and how. We are also going to visit Nanny, Papa, and Grandpa who all live in Florida. We don't get to see them much, so any opportunity is a good one. We also have another trip to talk about, but I haven't said anything to DW yet. This blog entry will kind of be a test to see how often she checks the blog and calls to find out about this other trip. I am not sure we can do it, but I am not even going to try if she isn't interested.
Of course, I am still planning our regular February trip that we have missed the last two years for February 2011. That will be a trip that we certainly hope will be with (S) as our adopted daughter, not our foster daughter. A trip we won't need to get approval for from anyone else.
Anyway, it will be nice to see them both this weekend. We will have lots of fun together, and I hope no one gets sick. Can't wait to see you both sweetie!
*
Monday, November 30, 2009
Stability Please
*
So things continued to go the same way for (S). She acted up in school today and for the first time had a wetting accident while there. She wouldn't listen to her teacher on two separate occasions and she is being obstinate. I guess she wouldn't have these problems is the teacher listened to her. :)
The case worker came by today and we mentioned the problems we have been having with (S) since the holidays. We assumed it was because of the age and the excitement and all of the people that were here over the last week. She brought up something we hadn't thought of..............
It was just after Thanskgiving that she was taken from her last home. I said "come on, she was only 2 years old, she couldn't be making that correlation". The case worker insists that could be part of the issue. While (S) may not be able to explain it and may not even know consciously what the problem is, somewhere in her psyche something says that Thanksgiving is not always a sign of good times to come and Happy Holidays, but a sign of loss of something that at the time was very dear to her. Has anyone who has had a foster child for more than a year seen this before? If you have any info you can give it would certainly be appreciated. If on the other hand you are wondering how this plays out, t me know, I will be sure to keep it as a topic over the coming weeks.
I guess this is just a signal of another loss that we hadn't really thought about. This will be her thrid Christmas with us and we try to make it very special for her. I think we succeed at that. I just wish we could start talking more positively about the future and we could convey that in a way that (S) could feel the stability we know she longs for. (Forget the she....we all long for that stability)
+
So things continued to go the same way for (S). She acted up in school today and for the first time had a wetting accident while there. She wouldn't listen to her teacher on two separate occasions and she is being obstinate. I guess she wouldn't have these problems is the teacher listened to her. :)
The case worker came by today and we mentioned the problems we have been having with (S) since the holidays. We assumed it was because of the age and the excitement and all of the people that were here over the last week. She brought up something we hadn't thought of..............
It was just after Thanskgiving that she was taken from her last home. I said "come on, she was only 2 years old, she couldn't be making that correlation". The case worker insists that could be part of the issue. While (S) may not be able to explain it and may not even know consciously what the problem is, somewhere in her psyche something says that Thanksgiving is not always a sign of good times to come and Happy Holidays, but a sign of loss of something that at the time was very dear to her. Has anyone who has had a foster child for more than a year seen this before? If you have any info you can give it would certainly be appreciated. If on the other hand you are wondering how this plays out, t me know, I will be sure to keep it as a topic over the coming weeks.
I guess this is just a signal of another loss that we hadn't really thought about. This will be her thrid Christmas with us and we try to make it very special for her. I think we succeed at that. I just wish we could start talking more positively about the future and we could convey that in a way that (S) could feel the stability we know she longs for. (Forget the she....we all long for that stability)
+
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Bowling
*
(S) went to her first theme birthday party today. It was a bowling party. She had never been bowling before. She was pretty excited about going to begin with since she loves cake and ice cream she was ecstatic.
The girl who was celebrating her birthday is a year older then her. Her mother does foster care and we met her through our original foster care class. We have done respite care for each other on a few occasions and (S) and DW have spent time at her house while the kids play.
Our biggest concern was whether or not (S) would try to throw the ball. Thankfully they were playing candlepins. For those of you in other parts of the country that don't have candlepin bowling, it is very thin pins. They are about as tall as regular pins but only about 2 inches in diameter at their widest point. You also use a much smaller ball. It is about 4 inches in diameter and has no holes in it. You just hold it like a softball and roll it. The lane is about the same, but the rules are a little different. Since the kids weren't playing by the rules or really even care what the score was, I will leave it at that.
Anyway, we got her to the party and got her shoes to wear. Since she loves shoes, she liked that part. She was not happy though when they had to be returned. After that it was step onto a lane and roll a ball. She had a blast. She just kept rolling balls and knocking down pins. The bumpers in the gutters really helped.
She is still lacking in social skills. We know that and she has made great strides in the last year since starting at daycare and now at pre-school, but it still takes her a while to warm up to a situation. She needs one on one attention. She can't just join a crowd of kids and particpate. Hopefully we will have plenty more opportunities to help her build those skills.
Tomorrow is our monthly visit from her case worker. I am hoping she may have some news, but I doubt she will. In the meantime, we will persevere. There is not much else scheduled during this week. Next Saturday is "peek week" at Dance Class, and next Sunday is "cut down a Christmas tree" day so next weekend is looking like fun.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know we did
(S) went to her first theme birthday party today. It was a bowling party. She had never been bowling before. She was pretty excited about going to begin with since she loves cake and ice cream she was ecstatic.
The girl who was celebrating her birthday is a year older then her. Her mother does foster care and we met her through our original foster care class. We have done respite care for each other on a few occasions and (S) and DW have spent time at her house while the kids play.
Our biggest concern was whether or not (S) would try to throw the ball. Thankfully they were playing candlepins. For those of you in other parts of the country that don't have candlepin bowling, it is very thin pins. They are about as tall as regular pins but only about 2 inches in diameter at their widest point. You also use a much smaller ball. It is about 4 inches in diameter and has no holes in it. You just hold it like a softball and roll it. The lane is about the same, but the rules are a little different. Since the kids weren't playing by the rules or really even care what the score was, I will leave it at that.
Anyway, we got her to the party and got her shoes to wear. Since she loves shoes, she liked that part. She was not happy though when they had to be returned. After that it was step onto a lane and roll a ball. She had a blast. She just kept rolling balls and knocking down pins. The bumpers in the gutters really helped.
She is still lacking in social skills. We know that and she has made great strides in the last year since starting at daycare and now at pre-school, but it still takes her a while to warm up to a situation. She needs one on one attention. She can't just join a crowd of kids and particpate. Hopefully we will have plenty more opportunities to help her build those skills.
Tomorrow is our monthly visit from her case worker. I am hoping she may have some news, but I doubt she will. In the meantime, we will persevere. There is not much else scheduled during this week. Next Saturday is "peek week" at Dance Class, and next Sunday is "cut down a Christmas tree" day so next weekend is looking like fun.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know we did
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Family
*
Two years ago I knew that there would never be another little child calling me daddy. I was hoping there would be new little children calling me Grandpa....or better yet Papa. Well fast forward two years, and I do have a little child calling me Daddy and there are no little children calling me papa. Funny how life works.
The fact that there is no little child calling me Papa is not a big deal or totally unexpected. While I do have three biological children between the ages of 27 and 31, none of them were married until this past June when the youngest got married.
The fact that there is a little child calling me Daddy, on the other hand, is certainly remarkable. Two years ago DW and I had completed our training class to become foster parents. One of the things mentioned in the class was that it can sometimes be confusing for children if they call their foster parents Mommy and Daddy. While it works for some, most people prefer to use something else. There were a lot of other reasons as well that we were given this suggestion by the instructor and quite frankly, I don't remember what they were.
I do remember that when (S) came to us we had her calling us by or first names. We didn't expect her to be here very long. As a matter of fact, I was thinking that by this time there would have been numerous children that had stayed with us temporarily before going back to their homes and living happily ever after with their biological family. I am learning that my view of the foster care system and the families of children involved in the system was really quite naive. I don't like to make generalizations as there are certainly some families where that is the case, but unfortunately those are the ones you don't hear about.
At some point along the way (S) started calling us Mommy and Daddy. At first it was intermittent along with our first names but gradually it has grown to where it is today. She calls us Mommy and Daddy exclusively. She refers to our three biological children as her sisters and brother. She calls my parents her Nanny and Papa etc etc etc. Maybe it was when she satrted calling us that, that we started thinking seriously about adoption. It still is amazing to me that we are not only hoping to adopt a child, but we are expecting to adopt a child.
We want to be her Mommy and Daddy, not just be called that. She considers us to be her family. She is so excited that we have so much family coming to our home for Thanksgiving. There will be 16 of us in all and it will be a great time.
There were a number of things my parents taught us growing up. One thing that was said on many occasions was that "no matter what happens, you always have family". They didn't just say those words either. They have practiced those words throughout.
It is my belief that won't be true for (S) if her family remains the one she was born in to. I can guarantee her that will be the case if the courts see their way clear to terminate the parental rights of her biological family and allow us to adopt her.
It is my hope that the court system and the Judge do not look at this case as the "breaking up of a family" but as a wonderful creation of 3 new, beautiful, and loving families that are interconnected through 5 biological siblings. All 5 of the kids deserve to have the kind of a family that is always there for you.
*
Two years ago I knew that there would never be another little child calling me daddy. I was hoping there would be new little children calling me Grandpa....or better yet Papa. Well fast forward two years, and I do have a little child calling me Daddy and there are no little children calling me papa. Funny how life works.
The fact that there is no little child calling me Papa is not a big deal or totally unexpected. While I do have three biological children between the ages of 27 and 31, none of them were married until this past June when the youngest got married.
The fact that there is a little child calling me Daddy, on the other hand, is certainly remarkable. Two years ago DW and I had completed our training class to become foster parents. One of the things mentioned in the class was that it can sometimes be confusing for children if they call their foster parents Mommy and Daddy. While it works for some, most people prefer to use something else. There were a lot of other reasons as well that we were given this suggestion by the instructor and quite frankly, I don't remember what they were.
I do remember that when (S) came to us we had her calling us by or first names. We didn't expect her to be here very long. As a matter of fact, I was thinking that by this time there would have been numerous children that had stayed with us temporarily before going back to their homes and living happily ever after with their biological family. I am learning that my view of the foster care system and the families of children involved in the system was really quite naive. I don't like to make generalizations as there are certainly some families where that is the case, but unfortunately those are the ones you don't hear about.
At some point along the way (S) started calling us Mommy and Daddy. At first it was intermittent along with our first names but gradually it has grown to where it is today. She calls us Mommy and Daddy exclusively. She refers to our three biological children as her sisters and brother. She calls my parents her Nanny and Papa etc etc etc. Maybe it was when she satrted calling us that, that we started thinking seriously about adoption. It still is amazing to me that we are not only hoping to adopt a child, but we are expecting to adopt a child.
We want to be her Mommy and Daddy, not just be called that. She considers us to be her family. She is so excited that we have so much family coming to our home for Thanksgiving. There will be 16 of us in all and it will be a great time.
There were a number of things my parents taught us growing up. One thing that was said on many occasions was that "no matter what happens, you always have family". They didn't just say those words either. They have practiced those words throughout.
It is my belief that won't be true for (S) if her family remains the one she was born in to. I can guarantee her that will be the case if the courts see their way clear to terminate the parental rights of her biological family and allow us to adopt her.
It is my hope that the court system and the Judge do not look at this case as the "breaking up of a family" but as a wonderful creation of 3 new, beautiful, and loving families that are interconnected through 5 biological siblings. All 5 of the kids deserve to have the kind of a family that is always there for you.
*
Friday, November 13, 2009
Our Final Answer
*
Monday we will start yet another TPR hearing for (S)'s biological parents. I am still not sure why this was necessary except that the first judge apprently had no interest in the law, his reponsibility, or what was best for the children. I am hopeful that the new judge will see things for what they are and act appropriately. I believed that the last time, but I am still going to believe it again. It is not as if much has changed.
Bio-mom and dad are in a worse place. It is clearer now more than ever that they are unable to properly and safely care for the children. While many people don't do what is proper in other peoples eyes, the "safely" part is a must, and they can't seem to control themselves. Even in court the last time bio-dad was out of control. They have no home, they have no visible means of support, they can't live together in anything other than a violent atmosphere, and they can't live apart.
DW and I plan to attend the entire hearing. We have been told that the DA will be asking if we plan on adopting (S) if the TPR should go through. We have to give an honest answer. There is no room for fudging around with the answer. While some of you are aware of the answer, others have wondered as we struggled with that right after the last hearing when it became apparent (wrongly so) that the parental rights would be terminated. I have fudged around a little bit here and there, but I wanted to let those of you that haven't been sure know what the answer is before that testimony is made.
So when DW is asked; "Do you plan on adopting (S) if the TPR goes through?"
The answer will be YES! and it will be our final answer.
This was never our intention when we started down this road, but there can be no other answer now. So this blog which was originally just going to deal with foster care, will add adoption to its focus as well. We still plan on continuing in our role as foster parents and will talk about that, but we will also be talking about adoption and how the process is working for us.
We just hope that whatever decision the judge makes, it is the best one for the children.
*
Monday we will start yet another TPR hearing for (S)'s biological parents. I am still not sure why this was necessary except that the first judge apprently had no interest in the law, his reponsibility, or what was best for the children. I am hopeful that the new judge will see things for what they are and act appropriately. I believed that the last time, but I am still going to believe it again. It is not as if much has changed.
Bio-mom and dad are in a worse place. It is clearer now more than ever that they are unable to properly and safely care for the children. While many people don't do what is proper in other peoples eyes, the "safely" part is a must, and they can't seem to control themselves. Even in court the last time bio-dad was out of control. They have no home, they have no visible means of support, they can't live together in anything other than a violent atmosphere, and they can't live apart.
DW and I plan to attend the entire hearing. We have been told that the DA will be asking if we plan on adopting (S) if the TPR should go through. We have to give an honest answer. There is no room for fudging around with the answer. While some of you are aware of the answer, others have wondered as we struggled with that right after the last hearing when it became apparent (wrongly so) that the parental rights would be terminated. I have fudged around a little bit here and there, but I wanted to let those of you that haven't been sure know what the answer is before that testimony is made.
So when DW is asked; "Do you plan on adopting (S) if the TPR goes through?"
The answer will be YES! and it will be our final answer.
This was never our intention when we started down this road, but there can be no other answer now. So this blog which was originally just going to deal with foster care, will add adoption to its focus as well. We still plan on continuing in our role as foster parents and will talk about that, but we will also be talking about adoption and how the process is working for us.
We just hope that whatever decision the judge makes, it is the best one for the children.
*
Monday, October 5, 2009
Where are the men?
*
I have had this blog going since last December. I started it when it was getting close to the time when (S) was going to be going back to her biological family. Unfortunately, that never happened for her and now the state is going through the TPR process. Anyway, I started this blog and at the same time started following other blogs that deal with foster care and adoption. There are many good blogs out there. Some of the ones I follow are listed to the left side of this page. There are others as well.
They all have two things in common. The most important is that they are all interesting and enjoyable reading pertaining to adoption and foster care. The other thing they all have in common is that they are all written by women.
The only comments that have been made in the 150 or so entries I have made over 10 months have been made by women. They are all seemingly wonderful women who have a genuine interest and passion for foster care and/or adoption. They all care about the children in their care, or are anxiously awaiting the first child to come into their family. While I have never met most of them, I consider them all to be valuable sources of information. It does however leave me with the one question:
Where are the Men? Am I the only one here?
*
I have had this blog going since last December. I started it when it was getting close to the time when (S) was going to be going back to her biological family. Unfortunately, that never happened for her and now the state is going through the TPR process. Anyway, I started this blog and at the same time started following other blogs that deal with foster care and adoption. There are many good blogs out there. Some of the ones I follow are listed to the left side of this page. There are others as well.
They all have two things in common. The most important is that they are all interesting and enjoyable reading pertaining to adoption and foster care. The other thing they all have in common is that they are all written by women.
The only comments that have been made in the 150 or so entries I have made over 10 months have been made by women. They are all seemingly wonderful women who have a genuine interest and passion for foster care and/or adoption. They all care about the children in their care, or are anxiously awaiting the first child to come into their family. While I have never met most of them, I consider them all to be valuable sources of information. It does however leave me with the one question:
Where are the Men? Am I the only one here?
*
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
On Topic and Off Topic
On topic
(S)'s caseworker came by today for her monthly visit to see how (S) is doing. Most of the conversation centered around these potential visits with her bio-parents. I told her that while I disagreed with the judge about the potential of these visits, I was willing to defer to the experts/therapists as far as visits with bio-mom was concerned, but after what happened on Monday there was no way I could allow (S) to spend any time, supervised or not, with her bio dad. (not that I have a lot to day about it)
Of course he had a case adjudicated yesterday that may have put him behind bars for a few months. If that is the case, then we won't have to worry too much. In the meantime, the meeting with the new judge is still on in two weeks. I plan on talking to the guardian ad litem to make sure he is well aware of our position. Of course I know that his position is no different, it is just a matter of making sure the new judge knows what a mistake this would be and we can convince her that there needs to be a change here.
So where does that leave us now? Nothing has changed. We are still not happy with the speed at which the judicial system is moving, but as long as there are no more visits taking place now, I guess I can't really complain.
Off Topic
........I never wanted to bring politics into this blog and that is not my intent. Most of us involved in foster care are people who care deeply about those who may not be as lucky as us or have as much as us. In particular the children we take into our homes. Unfortunately, these children and adults in similar situations have lost a great advocate with the death of Ted Kennedy. While a lot of people may have questioned some of his actions in the past, no one can question his consistent care and concern for the underprivaledged in our society.....so I just want to say "May he rest in peace"
*
(S)'s caseworker came by today for her monthly visit to see how (S) is doing. Most of the conversation centered around these potential visits with her bio-parents. I told her that while I disagreed with the judge about the potential of these visits, I was willing to defer to the experts/therapists as far as visits with bio-mom was concerned, but after what happened on Monday there was no way I could allow (S) to spend any time, supervised or not, with her bio dad. (not that I have a lot to day about it)
Of course he had a case adjudicated yesterday that may have put him behind bars for a few months. If that is the case, then we won't have to worry too much. In the meantime, the meeting with the new judge is still on in two weeks. I plan on talking to the guardian ad litem to make sure he is well aware of our position. Of course I know that his position is no different, it is just a matter of making sure the new judge knows what a mistake this would be and we can convince her that there needs to be a change here.
So where does that leave us now? Nothing has changed. We are still not happy with the speed at which the judicial system is moving, but as long as there are no more visits taking place now, I guess I can't really complain.
Off Topic
........I never wanted to bring politics into this blog and that is not my intent. Most of us involved in foster care are people who care deeply about those who may not be as lucky as us or have as much as us. In particular the children we take into our homes. Unfortunately, these children and adults in similar situations have lost a great advocate with the death of Ted Kennedy. While a lot of people may have questioned some of his actions in the past, no one can question his consistent care and concern for the underprivaledged in our society.....so I just want to say "May he rest in peace"
*
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Can Rocks Talk?
*
Since the wedding, things have begun to quiet down a little bit. The last person to leave was my son who I took to the airport on Tuesday so he could go back to Alabama. we had our monthly visit from the caseworker on Friday and then today we got (S) together with all of her bio brothers at another foster parents house. (S) is always happy to see her brothers. She considers them her "friends".
The next youngest child up from (S) does not have any permanency arrangement. His current foster parents will not be adopting him. the next one up has a foster parent who will adopt and the two oldest have foster parents that will become legal guardians. So that leaves the caseworker knowing she needs to find one home anyway and still hoping not to have to find one for (S).
When she visited on Friday, she advised that she had some peronal things going on and asked us not to burst her bubble today and let her continue to believe we are going to asopt (S). The thing is........there is still no decision from the court. Now anyone who was in court can't possibly believe that the preants will retain rights, but I am the type of person that wants to see things in writing.
So the whole family was here for the wedding and while most of them remained silent as far as offering any advice as to what we should do, the newest member of our family before my daughters wedding last week had some interesting words. She said:
" I dont' know why y'all (she is from Georgia) dont' know what you are going to do. Everyone else does."
Apparently the smart money is on us adopting (S). The way we feel this week, that is probably right. the problem is we know that next week we might not feel that way. I think if we don't change our feelings again than that will be the answer.
In searching for an answer I thought about the wedding. While there were many pictures taken of all of the family and we had (S) in most of them, there were some "family" pictures that we didn't have (S) in. I felt really bad about that. We are hoping the photographer will be able to photo-shop her into a few of those pictures. So we do consider her part of the family and we wouldn't have any of the other members leave the family, so it is looking like this one won't leave either.
We are still not sure though. We will continue to seek advice and counsel, and in the meantime, we are going to take (S) to York Beach the week after next for a few days of vacation. She loved it there last year and I love it there every year. I have been going there since before I can remember and it is a good place to do some thinking. There are some rocks on the ocean I will be sitting on and doing some deep thinking. I hope the rocks have some answers for me. If there are any rocks that can talk to me, these can.
*
Since the wedding, things have begun to quiet down a little bit. The last person to leave was my son who I took to the airport on Tuesday so he could go back to Alabama. we had our monthly visit from the caseworker on Friday and then today we got (S) together with all of her bio brothers at another foster parents house. (S) is always happy to see her brothers. She considers them her "friends".
The next youngest child up from (S) does not have any permanency arrangement. His current foster parents will not be adopting him. the next one up has a foster parent who will adopt and the two oldest have foster parents that will become legal guardians. So that leaves the caseworker knowing she needs to find one home anyway and still hoping not to have to find one for (S).
When she visited on Friday, she advised that she had some peronal things going on and asked us not to burst her bubble today and let her continue to believe we are going to asopt (S). The thing is........there is still no decision from the court. Now anyone who was in court can't possibly believe that the preants will retain rights, but I am the type of person that wants to see things in writing.
So the whole family was here for the wedding and while most of them remained silent as far as offering any advice as to what we should do, the newest member of our family before my daughters wedding last week had some interesting words. She said:
" I dont' know why y'all (she is from Georgia) dont' know what you are going to do. Everyone else does."
Apparently the smart money is on us adopting (S). The way we feel this week, that is probably right. the problem is we know that next week we might not feel that way. I think if we don't change our feelings again than that will be the answer.
In searching for an answer I thought about the wedding. While there were many pictures taken of all of the family and we had (S) in most of them, there were some "family" pictures that we didn't have (S) in. I felt really bad about that. We are hoping the photographer will be able to photo-shop her into a few of those pictures. So we do consider her part of the family and we wouldn't have any of the other members leave the family, so it is looking like this one won't leave either.
We are still not sure though. We will continue to seek advice and counsel, and in the meantime, we are going to take (S) to York Beach the week after next for a few days of vacation. She loved it there last year and I love it there every year. I have been going there since before I can remember and it is a good place to do some thinking. There are some rocks on the ocean I will be sitting on and doing some deep thinking. I hope the rocks have some answers for me. If there are any rocks that can talk to me, these can.
*
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Court Hearing
*
OK, you are not going to believe some of this, but I can assure you all of this is the truth.
Tuesday we didn't bother to go to the hearing. Big mistake. Apparently bio-dad sort of threw a chair at the caseworker at one point during a recess. Anyway, we did go for all of Wednesday. So a couple of foster parents including DW gave testimony as well as more therapists. They also started going out of order and at some point the bio-mom lawyer and the bio-dad lawyer started calling some of their witnesses.
The therapist for (S) said that during therapy (S) had buried a mother and father figure into the sand and she thought it symbolized the burying of her mom and dad. Bio-mom's lawyer when cross-examining asked if it was possible that it was the foster parents as opposed to the biological parents. Of course she had to say yes. (S) has no way of understanding all that. so anyway after that the bio-mom lawyer came over to us and wanted to make sure we knew that she didn't for one minute think that it would have been us and that she was just doing her job. It was really kind of funny but at the same time it was nice. The reason she came over is because bio-mom got mad at her because bio-mom likes us and doesn't want to do anything to make us think poorly of her. (I think it is a little too late for that). but I digress...
Bio-dad's lawyer calls the case worker as a witness. The entire time he is asking the caseworker questions bio-dad is badgering him telling him to ask this question or that question and continually interupting him. When it came time for bio-mom's attorney to ask the questions of the caseworker, bio-dad continued talking with his lawyer and telling him what he needed to do and it got to the point where the judge had to take a recess so that bio-dad and his lawyer could talk. It was obvious that bio-dad has no control over himself. Anyway, that recess ended up lasting until the end of the day so while on Wednesday morning they thought they would finish on Wednesday, they had to come back on Thursday to finish up.
Thursday began with the continuing of questions for the caseworker by bio-mom's lawyer, then the DA and then the GAL. Then the show began. It was time for bio-dad to testify.
His lawyer asked the questions first. I don't think he asked more than 2 questions and he just let bio-dad ramble on and spoke for about an hour and a half. It was a rant although it did make sense when I was able to concentrate. For most of the time he was putting me to sleep. Anyway, bio-mom's lawyer knew better then to ask him anything. The DA asked a couple of questions and you could tell that bio-dad was about to blow. He backed off a bit so there wouldn't be an explosion. the it was time for the GAL to ask some questions. He asked a simple yes or no question and bio-dad started to go on. The GAL said "This is a yes or no question, just give me a yes or no". Bio-dad said "I can't answer it yes or no". the GAL said "I am not going to be as patient with you as the DA was". Bio-dad's lawyer objects saying that the GAL is being argumentative.......It was at this point something was said that had me to the point where I thought I was going to get totally hysterical with laughter and get thrown out of the courtroom. Bio-dad syas to the GAL
"Maybe you need some anger management classes"
I kid you not. It is the truth.
The bad news.........There is no doubt that for all of (S)s life and even while in utero, by their own admission she was subjected to domestic violence of some sort on a weekly basis. That is what they admit to. It was probably even more then that.
I will write more about the lessons learned about (S)s life before being placed with us in the coming days. Right now I am still totally unsure of what we may want to do in terms of adoption. I have made a lot of difficult decisions in my life. I think that is going to be the most difficult.
OK, you are not going to believe some of this, but I can assure you all of this is the truth.
Tuesday we didn't bother to go to the hearing. Big mistake. Apparently bio-dad sort of threw a chair at the caseworker at one point during a recess. Anyway, we did go for all of Wednesday. So a couple of foster parents including DW gave testimony as well as more therapists. They also started going out of order and at some point the bio-mom lawyer and the bio-dad lawyer started calling some of their witnesses.
The therapist for (S) said that during therapy (S) had buried a mother and father figure into the sand and she thought it symbolized the burying of her mom and dad. Bio-mom's lawyer when cross-examining asked if it was possible that it was the foster parents as opposed to the biological parents. Of course she had to say yes. (S) has no way of understanding all that. so anyway after that the bio-mom lawyer came over to us and wanted to make sure we knew that she didn't for one minute think that it would have been us and that she was just doing her job. It was really kind of funny but at the same time it was nice. The reason she came over is because bio-mom got mad at her because bio-mom likes us and doesn't want to do anything to make us think poorly of her. (I think it is a little too late for that). but I digress...
Bio-dad's lawyer calls the case worker as a witness. The entire time he is asking the caseworker questions bio-dad is badgering him telling him to ask this question or that question and continually interupting him. When it came time for bio-mom's attorney to ask the questions of the caseworker, bio-dad continued talking with his lawyer and telling him what he needed to do and it got to the point where the judge had to take a recess so that bio-dad and his lawyer could talk. It was obvious that bio-dad has no control over himself. Anyway, that recess ended up lasting until the end of the day so while on Wednesday morning they thought they would finish on Wednesday, they had to come back on Thursday to finish up.
Thursday began with the continuing of questions for the caseworker by bio-mom's lawyer, then the DA and then the GAL. Then the show began. It was time for bio-dad to testify.
His lawyer asked the questions first. I don't think he asked more than 2 questions and he just let bio-dad ramble on and spoke for about an hour and a half. It was a rant although it did make sense when I was able to concentrate. For most of the time he was putting me to sleep. Anyway, bio-mom's lawyer knew better then to ask him anything. The DA asked a couple of questions and you could tell that bio-dad was about to blow. He backed off a bit so there wouldn't be an explosion. the it was time for the GAL to ask some questions. He asked a simple yes or no question and bio-dad started to go on. The GAL said "This is a yes or no question, just give me a yes or no". Bio-dad said "I can't answer it yes or no". the GAL said "I am not going to be as patient with you as the DA was". Bio-dad's lawyer objects saying that the GAL is being argumentative.......It was at this point something was said that had me to the point where I thought I was going to get totally hysterical with laughter and get thrown out of the courtroom. Bio-dad syas to the GAL
"Maybe you need some anger management classes"
I kid you not. It is the truth.
The bad news.........There is no doubt that for all of (S)s life and even while in utero, by their own admission she was subjected to domestic violence of some sort on a weekly basis. That is what they admit to. It was probably even more then that.
I will write more about the lessons learned about (S)s life before being placed with us in the coming days. Right now I am still totally unsure of what we may want to do in terms of adoption. I have made a lot of difficult decisions in my life. I think that is going to be the most difficult.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
1+ 1 Does Not Equal 5
*
We were supposed to visit with all of (S)s brothers today (4 of them and her). Unfortunately only one showed up. We thought one was going to be out of town so we were not surprised about him, but we have no idea what happened to the other two. When it came time to leave (S) started crying. She doesn't like good-byes to begin with but when she realized her other two brothers weren't coming she was very upset. This is the second time this week she has been disappointed by someone not showing up.
Why can't people be more considerate of others? She has had so much disappointment in her life and certainly doesn't need any more. This disappointment was caused by two adults that should know better. Her play therapist and the foster parents of her two brothers. What the? We are figuring we just have to stop telling her where she is going and who she is going to see so when they don't show up she won't be disappointed......we shouldn't have to do that.....
Anyway, the one other foster parent that was there is a pleasure to be with and talk to so it was fine for me. He swaid he was told that he was actually going to testify at the TPR hearing on Tuesday AM. I told him we were told to be there Monday at 11:00 but we weren't told when we would be testifying. He had talked directly to the DA so maybe we should have done that. That is the advantage of experience I guess. He has been fostering for almost 20 years. This is our first venture...DW has been asking me a lot lately about actually adopting (S). I don't know what she is thinking. We really have to put aside what we want and think about what is best for (S). That is another post though.....maybe tomorrow we will talk about that.....In the meantime, (S) has started calling us mommy and daddy along with our names. It is like she is testing it out once in a while to see how it fits.........I wonder if it does. She truly is precious.
*
We were supposed to visit with all of (S)s brothers today (4 of them and her). Unfortunately only one showed up. We thought one was going to be out of town so we were not surprised about him, but we have no idea what happened to the other two. When it came time to leave (S) started crying. She doesn't like good-byes to begin with but when she realized her other two brothers weren't coming she was very upset. This is the second time this week she has been disappointed by someone not showing up.
Why can't people be more considerate of others? She has had so much disappointment in her life and certainly doesn't need any more. This disappointment was caused by two adults that should know better. Her play therapist and the foster parents of her two brothers. What the? We are figuring we just have to stop telling her where she is going and who she is going to see so when they don't show up she won't be disappointed......we shouldn't have to do that.....
Anyway, the one other foster parent that was there is a pleasure to be with and talk to so it was fine for me. He swaid he was told that he was actually going to testify at the TPR hearing on Tuesday AM. I told him we were told to be there Monday at 11:00 but we weren't told when we would be testifying. He had talked directly to the DA so maybe we should have done that. That is the advantage of experience I guess. He has been fostering for almost 20 years. This is our first venture...DW has been asking me a lot lately about actually adopting (S). I don't know what she is thinking. We really have to put aside what we want and think about what is best for (S). That is another post though.....maybe tomorrow we will talk about that.....In the meantime, (S) has started calling us mommy and daddy along with our names. It is like she is testing it out once in a while to see how it fits.........I wonder if it does. She truly is precious.
*
Monday, April 27, 2009
Aging Out Can No Longer be at 18
I have not been very good about writing lately. (S) has not been sleeping at all and as a result, neither are we. It makes for little ambition during the course of the day.
We have seen some improvements, but they are very slow. Almost at a snail's pace. On the bright side, she is still a cheery and wonderful child to have around the house and she does make us laugh at least once or twice every day.
I came across this editorial from a Pennsylvania newspaper this weekend. It is right on and in support of additional assistance for children "aging out" of the foster care system. I have mentioned this problem several times ehre and while there are many states that have some kind of a program in place, they are not always comprehensive and there are still many states that have nothing for these children that reach age 18.
There is one line in this editorial by Jeanette Krebs that really sums it up best:
"It is a sad commentary that kids who have been abused or neglected by no fault of their own wind up with little or no support when they become young adults."
You can check out the entire editorial here:
http://www.pennlive.com/editorials/index.ssf/2009/04/tough_future_for_teens_aging_o.html
Eda LaShan, author and psychologist is quoted as saying:
"Becoming responsible adults is no longer a matter of whether children hang up there pajamas or put dirty towels in the hamper, but whether they care about themselves and others"
How can we expect them to care about themselves or others if we toss them out at 18 and just say "Good Luck"?
We have seen some improvements, but they are very slow. Almost at a snail's pace. On the bright side, she is still a cheery and wonderful child to have around the house and she does make us laugh at least once or twice every day.
I came across this editorial from a Pennsylvania newspaper this weekend. It is right on and in support of additional assistance for children "aging out" of the foster care system. I have mentioned this problem several times ehre and while there are many states that have some kind of a program in place, they are not always comprehensive and there are still many states that have nothing for these children that reach age 18.
There is one line in this editorial by Jeanette Krebs that really sums it up best:
"It is a sad commentary that kids who have been abused or neglected by no fault of their own wind up with little or no support when they become young adults."
You can check out the entire editorial here:
http://www.pennlive.com/editorials/index.ssf/2009/04/tough_future_for_teens_aging_o.html
Eda LaShan, author and psychologist is quoted as saying:
"Becoming responsible adults is no longer a matter of whether children hang up there pajamas or put dirty towels in the hamper, but whether they care about themselves and others"
How can we expect them to care about themselves or others if we toss them out at 18 and just say "Good Luck"?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
YES!!! A Good Foster Care Story
I have written a few times about the problem with children aging out of the foster care system and never getting a solid foundation upon which to build the rest of their life. As we all know, this leads to many former foster kids ending up homeless, or in jail, or doing things that will probably land them in jail if they haven't been caught yet. I would venture to guess in almost all cases they were good kids whose only crime was that they were born into a family that was unable to properly care for them.
There are a couple of places that have started new programs for kids who "age out" and some of them have been very successful. There is an article today in the San Francisco Chronicle.
There was no byline, so I am unable to give proper credit here to a writer.
In any event, it is about a group of former Foster Children who ""Aged" out of the system and formed an organization called VOICES (Voice Our Independent Choices for Emancipation Support). This organization provides washers so that kids have a place to come and do their laundry. Is this important? well I remember loving to come home from college and having a place to do my laundry (actually, I was lucky enough to have a mom that did it). They have a wardrobe with business clothes they can provide for job interviews. They also can cook a meal, or find someone who knows where they are coming from to talk to. This program has been so successful that they are opening a second office today. They are run totally on donations and right now are looking for computers so they may set up a computer center.
If you would like to get additional information, or better yet, make a donation you can contact VOICES at
http://www.voicesyouthcenter.org/. The phone number for the Santa Rosa center is (707) 579-4327. Its mailing address is 335 College Ave., Santa Rosa, CA, 95401.
If you would like to read the article you can find it here:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/04/02/ED3716K9T4.DTL
*
There are a couple of places that have started new programs for kids who "age out" and some of them have been very successful. There is an article today in the San Francisco Chronicle.
There was no byline, so I am unable to give proper credit here to a writer.
In any event, it is about a group of former Foster Children who ""Aged" out of the system and formed an organization called VOICES (Voice Our Independent Choices for Emancipation Support). This organization provides washers so that kids have a place to come and do their laundry. Is this important? well I remember loving to come home from college and having a place to do my laundry (actually, I was lucky enough to have a mom that did it). They have a wardrobe with business clothes they can provide for job interviews. They also can cook a meal, or find someone who knows where they are coming from to talk to. This program has been so successful that they are opening a second office today. They are run totally on donations and right now are looking for computers so they may set up a computer center.
If you would like to get additional information, or better yet, make a donation you can contact VOICES at
http://www.voicesyouthcenter.org/. The phone number for the Santa Rosa center is (707) 579-4327. Its mailing address is 335 College Ave., Santa Rosa, CA, 95401.
If you would like to read the article you can find it here:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/04/02/ED3716K9T4.DTL
*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
