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Every day at least one person and sometimes as many as 3 or 4 ask me: "Anything new from the court?" Well, the answer today is the same that it has been for the last 6 months. I don't see it changing any time soon either.
I know the people asking me are only asking because they genuinely care about (S) and what is happening with her, but it gets more and more irritating every day.
I have never been through anything like this before so it is a new experience. I am used to things being done in a more efficient manner and if they aren't, I do something about it. Unfortunately, I have no power over this one. I am reminded of the serenity prayer that goes something like this:.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Well, at least I have the wisdom to know that I can't change this, now I guess I just need some of that serenity. I will keep trying the prayer, but if anyone out there has any better ideas, I'm listening.
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Showing posts with label court. Show all posts
Showing posts with label court. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Pixie Dust and Stars
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Did you know that pixie dust can make you fly? Well that is the story anyway. But only if you believe it will and the belief lies in having "happy thoughts". Additionally, there is only one way to get pixie dust and that is from a bonafide "pixie". The most famous pixie of course, is Tinkerbelle.
OK. that is what they (again, the invisible "they" rear their ugly heads") want you to believe. I have a different belief. I think that when you have the pixie dust sprinkled on you, it can make your dreams come true, whatever they may be. In the case of (S) last month when we were at Disney, (If you hadn't figured it out yet, Disney is the theme here) she wanted to be and dreamed of being a real Princess. With a little pixie dust and a fairy godmother at the boutique, she indeed became a Princess. Just ask her. There is no doubt in her mind that she is a Princess, and I am not going to argue with her. It wouldn't do any good anyway.
Now, if you don't have any pixie dust, or ready access to a pixie to ask for some, you can always make a wish on a star. As Jiminy Cricket sang:
Did you know that pixie dust can make you fly? Well that is the story anyway. But only if you believe it will and the belief lies in having "happy thoughts". Additionally, there is only one way to get pixie dust and that is from a bonafide "pixie". The most famous pixie of course, is Tinkerbelle.
OK. that is what they (again, the invisible "they" rear their ugly heads") want you to believe. I have a different belief. I think that when you have the pixie dust sprinkled on you, it can make your dreams come true, whatever they may be. In the case of (S) last month when we were at Disney, (If you hadn't figured it out yet, Disney is the theme here) she wanted to be and dreamed of being a real Princess. With a little pixie dust and a fairy godmother at the boutique, she indeed became a Princess. Just ask her. There is no doubt in her mind that she is a Princess, and I am not going to argue with her. It wouldn't do any good anyway.
Now, if you don't have any pixie dust, or ready access to a pixie to ask for some, you can always make a wish on a star. As Jiminy Cricket sang:
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
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Since I don't have any pixie dust, and don't expect to run into any pixies any time soon, I am going to do my wishing on a star every night from now until my dream comes true. I think you all know what that wish is, but I can't say it, or it will keep it from coming true. I just hope the wishing on a star has jurisdiction over the Maine Court System.
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Tuesday, November 17, 2009
TPR Hearing Take 2 Day 2
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The parents were absent again today. Did anyone really think they would show up?
Today ended the hearing. There were only 3 witnesses that actually testified and a lot of information entered into evidence as well as the closing arguments.
When court began, the first witness was (S)'s therapist. She gave what was in my opinion very compelling testimony as to the impact that the parents have had on (S)'s life and most likely on all the children's lifes. She was very concerned about the potential regression if she were to be reunited with her parents. She said there would be extenisve counselling required with the parents and she has had 5 meetings set up with mom and mom has been a no-show at 3 of them. This lack of committment would not allow for the necessary counselling to take place. She also said that when she did have the chance to meet with mom, she was not truthful with her. This certainly would not be helpful in counselling.
After that there was a lot of legal manueverings taking place and meetings in chambers that we were not privy to. It seems that there were some problems with getting witnesses to arrive on time and other things to occur. It wasn't until about 3 1/2 hours after the recess that court reconvened. There were only two more witnesses called. Both of whom were testifying to the fact that mom and dad were spending a lot of time together and were certainly not separated as the first judge had thought.
It was then time for closing arguments. The longest argument went to the District Attorney. You could tell he didn't want to miss anything or leave anything out. He wanted to make sure that the judge had as much information as possible to terminate parental rights. I think he was successful, although he may have gotten a little carried away. I say that because at one point when he said "This is like overtime"....The judge interupted and said "When we get to the sports analogies, we have probably heard enough. Your closing argument has been longer than your case."
The lamest argument has to go to dad's lawyer. This is no reflection on the lawyer who is certainly competant and the type of a guy I think I could be friends with, but the fact that he had the lamest client any lawyer has ever had to put up with. I think dad not showing up only helped him through this hearing.
The most well thought out argument was the one made by the mother's lawyer. While it seemed to be well thought out, it didn't seem to be of significant substance, and i don't think swayed the judge much one way or the other.
The best closing argument has to go to the GAL. He was very passionate in his advocacy for the children. He emphasized the fact that these kids have been in limbo for almost 2 years and it was time to get the kids the stability they need. The best part of his argument, and the states case for that matter, was that all five childen have permanancy plans in place. There are foster parents with all 5 kids who are ready, willing, and able to adopt. We all know each other so there is high probablilty that the siblings will maintain contact. During his entire argument, the judge seemed to be connecting with what he was saying. She was nodding her head and paying close attention to what he said. She had no questions for him as he was complete with what he said and clarification was not needed.
So now it is up to the judge. She has mounds and mounds of evidence to analyze and then has to determine if the state has met its burden to terminate the parental rights.
Unforunately, of fortunately, depending on your position, it is the judges job to decide the case on the law. While what is best for the children has to enter into her thinking to some extent, if the state has not met its burden as outlined in the law, then the termination can not be granted. If on the other hand, the burden has been met and there is a belief that the children will be in jeopardy if the TPR is not granted then there is no choice but to grant the TPR. I would love to have a decision before Thanksgiving, but I think before Christmas is more likely.
It would be a wonderful Christmas present to be able to let these kids know that there will finally be some stability in their life. I hope Santa can bring them that.
The parents were absent again today. Did anyone really think they would show up?
Today ended the hearing. There were only 3 witnesses that actually testified and a lot of information entered into evidence as well as the closing arguments.
When court began, the first witness was (S)'s therapist. She gave what was in my opinion very compelling testimony as to the impact that the parents have had on (S)'s life and most likely on all the children's lifes. She was very concerned about the potential regression if she were to be reunited with her parents. She said there would be extenisve counselling required with the parents and she has had 5 meetings set up with mom and mom has been a no-show at 3 of them. This lack of committment would not allow for the necessary counselling to take place. She also said that when she did have the chance to meet with mom, she was not truthful with her. This certainly would not be helpful in counselling.
After that there was a lot of legal manueverings taking place and meetings in chambers that we were not privy to. It seems that there were some problems with getting witnesses to arrive on time and other things to occur. It wasn't until about 3 1/2 hours after the recess that court reconvened. There were only two more witnesses called. Both of whom were testifying to the fact that mom and dad were spending a lot of time together and were certainly not separated as the first judge had thought.
It was then time for closing arguments. The longest argument went to the District Attorney. You could tell he didn't want to miss anything or leave anything out. He wanted to make sure that the judge had as much information as possible to terminate parental rights. I think he was successful, although he may have gotten a little carried away. I say that because at one point when he said "This is like overtime"....The judge interupted and said "When we get to the sports analogies, we have probably heard enough. Your closing argument has been longer than your case."
The lamest argument has to go to dad's lawyer. This is no reflection on the lawyer who is certainly competant and the type of a guy I think I could be friends with, but the fact that he had the lamest client any lawyer has ever had to put up with. I think dad not showing up only helped him through this hearing.
The most well thought out argument was the one made by the mother's lawyer. While it seemed to be well thought out, it didn't seem to be of significant substance, and i don't think swayed the judge much one way or the other.
The best closing argument has to go to the GAL. He was very passionate in his advocacy for the children. He emphasized the fact that these kids have been in limbo for almost 2 years and it was time to get the kids the stability they need. The best part of his argument, and the states case for that matter, was that all five childen have permanancy plans in place. There are foster parents with all 5 kids who are ready, willing, and able to adopt. We all know each other so there is high probablilty that the siblings will maintain contact. During his entire argument, the judge seemed to be connecting with what he was saying. She was nodding her head and paying close attention to what he said. She had no questions for him as he was complete with what he said and clarification was not needed.
So now it is up to the judge. She has mounds and mounds of evidence to analyze and then has to determine if the state has met its burden to terminate the parental rights.
Unforunately, of fortunately, depending on your position, it is the judges job to decide the case on the law. While what is best for the children has to enter into her thinking to some extent, if the state has not met its burden as outlined in the law, then the termination can not be granted. If on the other hand, the burden has been met and there is a belief that the children will be in jeopardy if the TPR is not granted then there is no choice but to grant the TPR. I would love to have a decision before Thanksgiving, but I think before Christmas is more likely.
It would be a wonderful Christmas present to be able to let these kids know that there will finally be some stability in their life. I hope Santa can bring them that.
Monday, November 16, 2009
TPR Hearing Take 2 Day 1
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Guess what.....Bio mom and dad couldn't be bothered to show up in court for the start of the TPR hearing. As a result, things went pretty quick today.
Now on top of everything else, we have abandonment as an issue. The lawyers for mom and dad did show up.No one knows for sure where etiher of the parents are but rumor is dad is in hiding and wants everyone to believe he is somewhere on the gulf coast. He may or may not be. Rumor is Moms grandmother dies and she was attending her funeral. (In the words of the GAL...."A lot of people have dies in this case") Mom's lawyer asked for a continuance, but the judhge denies that. The state called about 10 witnesses today. Mom's lawyer asked about 12 questions total and Dad's lawyer may have asked 2 or 3 questions.
Mom's lawyer is only planning on calling one witness, and dad's lawyer has no plans to call any witnesses. It seems as though they are convinced that the state will win this case and they are saving their energy for the appeal.....On the other hand, I don't think the state has presented as strong a case as they did the last time, but apparently they have all agreed to have the last case be part of the record of this case....I have no idea what any of this means and I am just hoping as everyone else is that whatever is best for the kids is what happens.
There will be a day 2......It will be tomorrow.......I will report on that tomorrow evening.......I won't have any more of an idea as to what is going on tomorrow then I do today.......I get more and more baffled by our justice system every time I show up in court for these hearings.
We will be keeping our fingers crossed....see you all tomorrow
*
Guess what.....Bio mom and dad couldn't be bothered to show up in court for the start of the TPR hearing. As a result, things went pretty quick today.
Now on top of everything else, we have abandonment as an issue. The lawyers for mom and dad did show up.No one knows for sure where etiher of the parents are but rumor is dad is in hiding and wants everyone to believe he is somewhere on the gulf coast. He may or may not be. Rumor is Moms grandmother dies and she was attending her funeral. (In the words of the GAL...."A lot of people have dies in this case") Mom's lawyer asked for a continuance, but the judhge denies that. The state called about 10 witnesses today. Mom's lawyer asked about 12 questions total and Dad's lawyer may have asked 2 or 3 questions.
Mom's lawyer is only planning on calling one witness, and dad's lawyer has no plans to call any witnesses. It seems as though they are convinced that the state will win this case and they are saving their energy for the appeal.....On the other hand, I don't think the state has presented as strong a case as they did the last time, but apparently they have all agreed to have the last case be part of the record of this case....I have no idea what any of this means and I am just hoping as everyone else is that whatever is best for the kids is what happens.
There will be a day 2......It will be tomorrow.......I will report on that tomorrow evening.......I won't have any more of an idea as to what is going on tomorrow then I do today.......I get more and more baffled by our justice system every time I show up in court for these hearings.
We will be keeping our fingers crossed....see you all tomorrow
*
Friday, November 13, 2009
Our Final Answer
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Monday we will start yet another TPR hearing for (S)'s biological parents. I am still not sure why this was necessary except that the first judge apprently had no interest in the law, his reponsibility, or what was best for the children. I am hopeful that the new judge will see things for what they are and act appropriately. I believed that the last time, but I am still going to believe it again. It is not as if much has changed.
Bio-mom and dad are in a worse place. It is clearer now more than ever that they are unable to properly and safely care for the children. While many people don't do what is proper in other peoples eyes, the "safely" part is a must, and they can't seem to control themselves. Even in court the last time bio-dad was out of control. They have no home, they have no visible means of support, they can't live together in anything other than a violent atmosphere, and they can't live apart.
DW and I plan to attend the entire hearing. We have been told that the DA will be asking if we plan on adopting (S) if the TPR should go through. We have to give an honest answer. There is no room for fudging around with the answer. While some of you are aware of the answer, others have wondered as we struggled with that right after the last hearing when it became apparent (wrongly so) that the parental rights would be terminated. I have fudged around a little bit here and there, but I wanted to let those of you that haven't been sure know what the answer is before that testimony is made.
So when DW is asked; "Do you plan on adopting (S) if the TPR goes through?"
The answer will be YES! and it will be our final answer.
This was never our intention when we started down this road, but there can be no other answer now. So this blog which was originally just going to deal with foster care, will add adoption to its focus as well. We still plan on continuing in our role as foster parents and will talk about that, but we will also be talking about adoption and how the process is working for us.
We just hope that whatever decision the judge makes, it is the best one for the children.
*
Monday we will start yet another TPR hearing for (S)'s biological parents. I am still not sure why this was necessary except that the first judge apprently had no interest in the law, his reponsibility, or what was best for the children. I am hopeful that the new judge will see things for what they are and act appropriately. I believed that the last time, but I am still going to believe it again. It is not as if much has changed.
Bio-mom and dad are in a worse place. It is clearer now more than ever that they are unable to properly and safely care for the children. While many people don't do what is proper in other peoples eyes, the "safely" part is a must, and they can't seem to control themselves. Even in court the last time bio-dad was out of control. They have no home, they have no visible means of support, they can't live together in anything other than a violent atmosphere, and they can't live apart.
DW and I plan to attend the entire hearing. We have been told that the DA will be asking if we plan on adopting (S) if the TPR should go through. We have to give an honest answer. There is no room for fudging around with the answer. While some of you are aware of the answer, others have wondered as we struggled with that right after the last hearing when it became apparent (wrongly so) that the parental rights would be terminated. I have fudged around a little bit here and there, but I wanted to let those of you that haven't been sure know what the answer is before that testimony is made.
So when DW is asked; "Do you plan on adopting (S) if the TPR goes through?"
The answer will be YES! and it will be our final answer.
This was never our intention when we started down this road, but there can be no other answer now. So this blog which was originally just going to deal with foster care, will add adoption to its focus as well. We still plan on continuing in our role as foster parents and will talk about that, but we will also be talking about adoption and how the process is working for us.
We just hope that whatever decision the judge makes, it is the best one for the children.
*
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
You Can't You Judge a Book by its Cover. Or can you?
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There have been many times in my life when I have said " hey it is true, you can't judge a book by its cover." I remember a little Japanese restaurant in Montreal that a bunch of us went to. When we arrived we found a place that looked like a real dive. It was in a dying part of town. Old factory buildings that were boarded up lined the streets. There were stairs leading down to the restaurant located in the basement of one of those factories building. There was nothing else around and there weren't any people outside. The problem was that we were going to a baseball game and didn't really have a lot of time to find someplace else so we grudgingly went in.........It was fantastic!......You can't judge a book by its cover.
I could go on about movies that didn't look all that great but I went to because someone else wanted to go. I can think of books that really fit the theory. When we were looking for houses there were a lot of them. There were the ones that looked great on the outside and were in desperate need of TLC inside, as well as the ones that looked horrible on the outside but on the inside were absolutely beautiful......You can't judge a book by its cover.
OK, so the theory works. At least for inanimate objects. Not always mind you, but enough so that you really have to look inside to find out what the real picture is.
What about people? My idealistic side would like to think that everyone has some good somewhere, and I may be naive, but I am sure that is true to differing degrees. As far as the judging theory goes....well we were in court yet again last week and as always we were there for a hearing related to the TPR of (S). It was the busiest we had ever seen this courthouse. Being a family court all the cases were either child protective cases, divorce cases, adoption cases. There wasn't a lot to do except read old magazines, or people watch. I chose the later and found myself judging some of the "books" roaming around the courthouse on Monday.
There was a young couple there. One with a lot of life left ahead of them. On occasion they even held each other's hand. They were both well dressed and groomed. He was reading a book and she was sitting anxiously quiet. There was no way they were there to get a divorce. I am convinced they were in the process of adopting a young child.
On the other hand, there were a number of people there who were dirty, horribly dressed, and had obviously just came in from the wilderness of northern Maine. Most of them could not put together a sentence. I figured they must have been the ones involved in child protective cases. The only reason they could possibly be there is because the state had to take their children away.
There was a bleached blond girl there who was about 5'7" tall and I don't think she weighed 90 p0unds soaking wet. Obviously a drug addict. She was however well dressed. She was most likely trying to get custody back of her child/ren who had been taken away from her.
There was an older casually dressed couple there with a son of about 30 who looked like he was a hard working mechanic. His hands had the rough grease-stained look. He had on a pair of blue dickies and a sweatshirt. He was clean and was able to talk in complete sentences. Whatever the reason they were there, I was sure everything was going to work out for them.
There were the other people who were obviously there to testify. They were talking amongst themselves. Well dressed and groomed. A few I recognized as counselors and therapists from (S)s case.
The suits.....they all had to be the lawyers.....They had thick briefcases under their arms and cell-phones attached to their belts. One needed a cane. They conversed with each other about all matters of things. Some of them pertaining to cases, and some of them totally irrelevant to what they were doing in court.
So, was I right about my judgements? I have no clue. ( I was wearing a shirt and tie and had a cell phone but I am not a lawyer) I could have been right but most likely I was right about some and wrong about others. Hence the theory. But when you are sitting around in a courthouse all day awaiting your 10 minutes before a judge, what else is there to do? I am just left to wonder..... By the way (S)s bio-mom was there. She still looks used and abused although she was clean and neatly dressed.
If nothing else is clear, the one thing that is obvious is that some people have never been taught good hygiene, or how they should look when going before a judge.
*
There have been many times in my life when I have said " hey it is true, you can't judge a book by its cover." I remember a little Japanese restaurant in Montreal that a bunch of us went to. When we arrived we found a place that looked like a real dive. It was in a dying part of town. Old factory buildings that were boarded up lined the streets. There were stairs leading down to the restaurant located in the basement of one of those factories building. There was nothing else around and there weren't any people outside. The problem was that we were going to a baseball game and didn't really have a lot of time to find someplace else so we grudgingly went in.........It was fantastic!......You can't judge a book by its cover.
I could go on about movies that didn't look all that great but I went to because someone else wanted to go. I can think of books that really fit the theory. When we were looking for houses there were a lot of them. There were the ones that looked great on the outside and were in desperate need of TLC inside, as well as the ones that looked horrible on the outside but on the inside were absolutely beautiful......You can't judge a book by its cover.
OK, so the theory works. At least for inanimate objects. Not always mind you, but enough so that you really have to look inside to find out what the real picture is.
What about people? My idealistic side would like to think that everyone has some good somewhere, and I may be naive, but I am sure that is true to differing degrees. As far as the judging theory goes....well we were in court yet again last week and as always we were there for a hearing related to the TPR of (S). It was the busiest we had ever seen this courthouse. Being a family court all the cases were either child protective cases, divorce cases, adoption cases. There wasn't a lot to do except read old magazines, or people watch. I chose the later and found myself judging some of the "books" roaming around the courthouse on Monday.
There was a young couple there. One with a lot of life left ahead of them. On occasion they even held each other's hand. They were both well dressed and groomed. He was reading a book and she was sitting anxiously quiet. There was no way they were there to get a divorce. I am convinced they were in the process of adopting a young child.
On the other hand, there were a number of people there who were dirty, horribly dressed, and had obviously just came in from the wilderness of northern Maine. Most of them could not put together a sentence. I figured they must have been the ones involved in child protective cases. The only reason they could possibly be there is because the state had to take their children away.
There was a bleached blond girl there who was about 5'7" tall and I don't think she weighed 90 p0unds soaking wet. Obviously a drug addict. She was however well dressed. She was most likely trying to get custody back of her child/ren who had been taken away from her.
There was an older casually dressed couple there with a son of about 30 who looked like he was a hard working mechanic. His hands had the rough grease-stained look. He had on a pair of blue dickies and a sweatshirt. He was clean and was able to talk in complete sentences. Whatever the reason they were there, I was sure everything was going to work out for them.
There were the other people who were obviously there to testify. They were talking amongst themselves. Well dressed and groomed. A few I recognized as counselors and therapists from (S)s case.
The suits.....they all had to be the lawyers.....They had thick briefcases under their arms and cell-phones attached to their belts. One needed a cane. They conversed with each other about all matters of things. Some of them pertaining to cases, and some of them totally irrelevant to what they were doing in court.
So, was I right about my judgements? I have no clue. ( I was wearing a shirt and tie and had a cell phone but I am not a lawyer) I could have been right but most likely I was right about some and wrong about others. Hence the theory. But when you are sitting around in a courthouse all day awaiting your 10 minutes before a judge, what else is there to do? I am just left to wonder..... By the way (S)s bio-mom was there. She still looks used and abused although she was clean and neatly dressed.
If nothing else is clear, the one thing that is obvious is that some people have never been taught good hygiene, or how they should look when going before a judge.
*
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Court Hearing
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OK, you are not going to believe some of this, but I can assure you all of this is the truth.
Tuesday we didn't bother to go to the hearing. Big mistake. Apparently bio-dad sort of threw a chair at the caseworker at one point during a recess. Anyway, we did go for all of Wednesday. So a couple of foster parents including DW gave testimony as well as more therapists. They also started going out of order and at some point the bio-mom lawyer and the bio-dad lawyer started calling some of their witnesses.
The therapist for (S) said that during therapy (S) had buried a mother and father figure into the sand and she thought it symbolized the burying of her mom and dad. Bio-mom's lawyer when cross-examining asked if it was possible that it was the foster parents as opposed to the biological parents. Of course she had to say yes. (S) has no way of understanding all that. so anyway after that the bio-mom lawyer came over to us and wanted to make sure we knew that she didn't for one minute think that it would have been us and that she was just doing her job. It was really kind of funny but at the same time it was nice. The reason she came over is because bio-mom got mad at her because bio-mom likes us and doesn't want to do anything to make us think poorly of her. (I think it is a little too late for that). but I digress...
Bio-dad's lawyer calls the case worker as a witness. The entire time he is asking the caseworker questions bio-dad is badgering him telling him to ask this question or that question and continually interupting him. When it came time for bio-mom's attorney to ask the questions of the caseworker, bio-dad continued talking with his lawyer and telling him what he needed to do and it got to the point where the judge had to take a recess so that bio-dad and his lawyer could talk. It was obvious that bio-dad has no control over himself. Anyway, that recess ended up lasting until the end of the day so while on Wednesday morning they thought they would finish on Wednesday, they had to come back on Thursday to finish up.
Thursday began with the continuing of questions for the caseworker by bio-mom's lawyer, then the DA and then the GAL. Then the show began. It was time for bio-dad to testify.
His lawyer asked the questions first. I don't think he asked more than 2 questions and he just let bio-dad ramble on and spoke for about an hour and a half. It was a rant although it did make sense when I was able to concentrate. For most of the time he was putting me to sleep. Anyway, bio-mom's lawyer knew better then to ask him anything. The DA asked a couple of questions and you could tell that bio-dad was about to blow. He backed off a bit so there wouldn't be an explosion. the it was time for the GAL to ask some questions. He asked a simple yes or no question and bio-dad started to go on. The GAL said "This is a yes or no question, just give me a yes or no". Bio-dad said "I can't answer it yes or no". the GAL said "I am not going to be as patient with you as the DA was". Bio-dad's lawyer objects saying that the GAL is being argumentative.......It was at this point something was said that had me to the point where I thought I was going to get totally hysterical with laughter and get thrown out of the courtroom. Bio-dad syas to the GAL
"Maybe you need some anger management classes"
I kid you not. It is the truth.
The bad news.........There is no doubt that for all of (S)s life and even while in utero, by their own admission she was subjected to domestic violence of some sort on a weekly basis. That is what they admit to. It was probably even more then that.
I will write more about the lessons learned about (S)s life before being placed with us in the coming days. Right now I am still totally unsure of what we may want to do in terms of adoption. I have made a lot of difficult decisions in my life. I think that is going to be the most difficult.
OK, you are not going to believe some of this, but I can assure you all of this is the truth.
Tuesday we didn't bother to go to the hearing. Big mistake. Apparently bio-dad sort of threw a chair at the caseworker at one point during a recess. Anyway, we did go for all of Wednesday. So a couple of foster parents including DW gave testimony as well as more therapists. They also started going out of order and at some point the bio-mom lawyer and the bio-dad lawyer started calling some of their witnesses.
The therapist for (S) said that during therapy (S) had buried a mother and father figure into the sand and she thought it symbolized the burying of her mom and dad. Bio-mom's lawyer when cross-examining asked if it was possible that it was the foster parents as opposed to the biological parents. Of course she had to say yes. (S) has no way of understanding all that. so anyway after that the bio-mom lawyer came over to us and wanted to make sure we knew that she didn't for one minute think that it would have been us and that she was just doing her job. It was really kind of funny but at the same time it was nice. The reason she came over is because bio-mom got mad at her because bio-mom likes us and doesn't want to do anything to make us think poorly of her. (I think it is a little too late for that). but I digress...
Bio-dad's lawyer calls the case worker as a witness. The entire time he is asking the caseworker questions bio-dad is badgering him telling him to ask this question or that question and continually interupting him. When it came time for bio-mom's attorney to ask the questions of the caseworker, bio-dad continued talking with his lawyer and telling him what he needed to do and it got to the point where the judge had to take a recess so that bio-dad and his lawyer could talk. It was obvious that bio-dad has no control over himself. Anyway, that recess ended up lasting until the end of the day so while on Wednesday morning they thought they would finish on Wednesday, they had to come back on Thursday to finish up.
Thursday began with the continuing of questions for the caseworker by bio-mom's lawyer, then the DA and then the GAL. Then the show began. It was time for bio-dad to testify.
His lawyer asked the questions first. I don't think he asked more than 2 questions and he just let bio-dad ramble on and spoke for about an hour and a half. It was a rant although it did make sense when I was able to concentrate. For most of the time he was putting me to sleep. Anyway, bio-mom's lawyer knew better then to ask him anything. The DA asked a couple of questions and you could tell that bio-dad was about to blow. He backed off a bit so there wouldn't be an explosion. the it was time for the GAL to ask some questions. He asked a simple yes or no question and bio-dad started to go on. The GAL said "This is a yes or no question, just give me a yes or no". Bio-dad said "I can't answer it yes or no". the GAL said "I am not going to be as patient with you as the DA was". Bio-dad's lawyer objects saying that the GAL is being argumentative.......It was at this point something was said that had me to the point where I thought I was going to get totally hysterical with laughter and get thrown out of the courtroom. Bio-dad syas to the GAL
"Maybe you need some anger management classes"
I kid you not. It is the truth.
The bad news.........There is no doubt that for all of (S)s life and even while in utero, by their own admission she was subjected to domestic violence of some sort on a weekly basis. That is what they admit to. It was probably even more then that.
I will write more about the lessons learned about (S)s life before being placed with us in the coming days. Right now I am still totally unsure of what we may want to do in terms of adoption. I have made a lot of difficult decisions in my life. I think that is going to be the most difficult.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Too Much Going On
OK,
Yesterday was an appointment with the play therapist. (S) was really looking forward to it. She loves going there to play. Unfortunately, the therapist didn't show up. (S) was very disappointed.
and this was not the first time. I called the case worker and told her I wantged to find someone else as this person was unreliable. She insisted that this is very unusual and that this person is the best for (S). She said she would give her a call. I would have expected a call from the therapist by now, but nothing. I am not real impressed. I guess we will talk more about this on Monday....information on Monday to follow...
Today the GAL came by to see how things are going before the TPR hearing starts on Monday. He said it will ba a cast of thousands..actually I think it is going to be about 60 witnesses and they expect it to last most of next week. We have to be there Monday at 11:00am and then we will find out after that when we have to be back. I am hopeful they can nail down a good time so we don't have to sit there for hours upon hours.....unless they let us in. In that case, I will want to hear what is happening. If the TPR goes through then (S) will be available for adoption eventually.
Tomorrow we have a visit with her brothers at the local Mickey Ds that has a play place. They really enjoy being together and they play so well. They did get to see each other last week at the children's museum too. It is still undetermined what grouping would be adopted together or seperate or whatever...If (S) is alone, we will have to make a decision. We still havent been able to make a firm decision. After a year and a half, we have really grown to love her. It will be so hard to have her leave, but we have to be sure that whatever we do, we do it for her. We can't worry about the impact on our life. She is the important one now. So a busy few days. I have neevr been involved in this kind of a court proceeding so I am not sure what to expect. The GAL said we would just be asked how (S) was doing and there wouldn't be any difficult questions. This of course coming from a man who has been through literally thousands of these.
I hope we do ok. I will try to be better about blogging as the court proceedings move along
Yesterday was an appointment with the play therapist. (S) was really looking forward to it. She loves going there to play. Unfortunately, the therapist didn't show up. (S) was very disappointed.
and this was not the first time. I called the case worker and told her I wantged to find someone else as this person was unreliable. She insisted that this is very unusual and that this person is the best for (S). She said she would give her a call. I would have expected a call from the therapist by now, but nothing. I am not real impressed. I guess we will talk more about this on Monday....information on Monday to follow...
Today the GAL came by to see how things are going before the TPR hearing starts on Monday. He said it will ba a cast of thousands..actually I think it is going to be about 60 witnesses and they expect it to last most of next week. We have to be there Monday at 11:00am and then we will find out after that when we have to be back. I am hopeful they can nail down a good time so we don't have to sit there for hours upon hours.....unless they let us in. In that case, I will want to hear what is happening. If the TPR goes through then (S) will be available for adoption eventually.
Tomorrow we have a visit with her brothers at the local Mickey Ds that has a play place. They really enjoy being together and they play so well. They did get to see each other last week at the children's museum too. It is still undetermined what grouping would be adopted together or seperate or whatever...If (S) is alone, we will have to make a decision. We still havent been able to make a firm decision. After a year and a half, we have really grown to love her. It will be so hard to have her leave, but we have to be sure that whatever we do, we do it for her. We can't worry about the impact on our life. She is the important one now. So a busy few days. I have neevr been involved in this kind of a court proceeding so I am not sure what to expect. The GAL said we would just be asked how (S) was doing and there wouldn't be any difficult questions. This of course coming from a man who has been through literally thousands of these.
I hope we do ok. I will try to be better about blogging as the court proceedings move along
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Case Worker Visit
Today was the monthly visit from the CW. We were amazed to hear that she hasn't heard a word from Bio mom and dad since the last court date. Bio-dad does have a new lawyer so everything should be all set for the TPR hearing tot ake place the week of April 6th. We will have to be in court for that. They expect the hearing to last 3-4 days so that week will probably be shot and emotional for all involved. The CW anticipates that there will be a decision to terminate about 3 weeks after that.
She does expect an appeal, but at that point she will begin getting to work on having some sort of permanency. In other words, time to make a decision. It was interesting though (K) was here during the visit and she said she would adopt (S) if we didn't. Now as you know, she is getting married in June so I am not sure it would be the right thing to get involved in, but I am not going to tell them what to do. I simply told her that if she wanted to, her and her fiance needed to get started taking the classes and getting the paperwork done.
The CW said our trip would be a good opportunity for us to really see whether or not we wanted to adopt. We really have no intention of doing that at this point, so I don't think that will happen, but I guess you never know. She says she has had lots of people our age adopt foster children. I think we probably would have no problem if (S) was about 10 years older and everything else remained the same, but at age 3, it would mean a commitment to an age well above the normal.
I'm surprised I said that. If anyone knows what normal is, please let me know. I have never figured that one out. Just as soon as I think someone is normal, they do something I can't believe, I even dare to think I am normal on occasion, but then DW sets me straight.
The visit ended and the CW will be back in just 2 weeks so she can get in her March visit before we go away. We are so looking forward to this trip. It should make for some good posts here as we proceed by car through 15 different states. The details are just about worked out and the reservations are made. I can't wait!
She does expect an appeal, but at that point she will begin getting to work on having some sort of permanency. In other words, time to make a decision. It was interesting though (K) was here during the visit and she said she would adopt (S) if we didn't. Now as you know, she is getting married in June so I am not sure it would be the right thing to get involved in, but I am not going to tell them what to do. I simply told her that if she wanted to, her and her fiance needed to get started taking the classes and getting the paperwork done.
The CW said our trip would be a good opportunity for us to really see whether or not we wanted to adopt. We really have no intention of doing that at this point, so I don't think that will happen, but I guess you never know. She says she has had lots of people our age adopt foster children. I think we probably would have no problem if (S) was about 10 years older and everything else remained the same, but at age 3, it would mean a commitment to an age well above the normal.
I'm surprised I said that. If anyone knows what normal is, please let me know. I have never figured that one out. Just as soon as I think someone is normal, they do something I can't believe, I even dare to think I am normal on occasion, but then DW sets me straight.
The visit ended and the CW will be back in just 2 weeks so she can get in her March visit before we go away. We are so looking forward to this trip. It should make for some good posts here as we proceed by car through 15 different states. The details are just about worked out and the reservations are made. I can't wait!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Extra Security? Adoption?
(S)s caseworker was here today. It was her monthly visit and she filled us in on what is coming. There were two things in particular she talked to us about.
1. Since I was going to court on Monday she wanted me to know that they had asked for extra security at the court because they don't know what bio-dad may be capable of. She also said for the first time in many years she is concerned for her own well-being.
2. She wants us to give serious consideration and have plenty of family discussion about and around us adopting (S) as she believes that TPR will eventually come and they try to start working on that as soon as possible when they know it is a possibility. We have plenty of time so we should get started on our thoughts
As far as the security is concerned, I am glad there will be extra security there but I think bio-dad is a blowhard and as my DW says, a bully. He is not going to do anything to anyone who stands up to him. He just likes to beat people who are weaker than him. I will be there and I will talk with the judge if necessary so that (S) can come on our long road trip in March.
As far as adoption is concerned, that is not what we got into this for. We originally were just going to help out and do respite care for people and take care of kids on occasion. Well as things turned out, (S) came into our life and home in December 2007. We were new to the process and figured she would be with us for a short time and then there might be another child come to live with us a few months later.
I guess we were pretty naive. Now we have this lovely little 3 year old who we absoltely adore and if we don't adopt her, someone will. A 3 year old child is certainly easy to adopt out. Especially a child without any issues. It is looking like she will be up for adoption by herself. She will have less contact with her brothers and then if she is gone from us....the only house she knows living in.......she may develop issues. She is so smart and so cute and we only want the best for her. I don't necessarilly think we are best for her. We had our children who are all grown and out of the house. Our youngest is 26 years old. If we were to adopt (S) we would be 70 when she graduated high school. I don't know if we could keep up with her as a teenager. We were also talking about retirement in a few years. Do we really want to have that responsibility?
There is so much to consider and I am sure I don't even know the half of it. For those of you who have adopted, what is the half we don't know?
1. Since I was going to court on Monday she wanted me to know that they had asked for extra security at the court because they don't know what bio-dad may be capable of. She also said for the first time in many years she is concerned for her own well-being.
2. She wants us to give serious consideration and have plenty of family discussion about and around us adopting (S) as she believes that TPR will eventually come and they try to start working on that as soon as possible when they know it is a possibility. We have plenty of time so we should get started on our thoughts
As far as the security is concerned, I am glad there will be extra security there but I think bio-dad is a blowhard and as my DW says, a bully. He is not going to do anything to anyone who stands up to him. He just likes to beat people who are weaker than him. I will be there and I will talk with the judge if necessary so that (S) can come on our long road trip in March.
As far as adoption is concerned, that is not what we got into this for. We originally were just going to help out and do respite care for people and take care of kids on occasion. Well as things turned out, (S) came into our life and home in December 2007. We were new to the process and figured she would be with us for a short time and then there might be another child come to live with us a few months later.
I guess we were pretty naive. Now we have this lovely little 3 year old who we absoltely adore and if we don't adopt her, someone will. A 3 year old child is certainly easy to adopt out. Especially a child without any issues. It is looking like she will be up for adoption by herself. She will have less contact with her brothers and then if she is gone from us....the only house she knows living in.......she may develop issues. She is so smart and so cute and we only want the best for her. I don't necessarilly think we are best for her. We had our children who are all grown and out of the house. Our youngest is 26 years old. If we were to adopt (S) we would be 70 when she graduated high school. I don't know if we could keep up with her as a teenager. We were also talking about retirement in a few years. Do we really want to have that responsibility?
There is so much to consider and I am sure I don't even know the half of it. For those of you who have adopted, what is the half we don't know?
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