I can't see you!

* OK, so we had our dance recital this past weekend. Now since we can't show (S)s face, you might think that this particular picture was planned. Unfortunately, it was not. She stood this way through the entire first number.

When it came time for the second number she started this way, but by the end she was actually doing some of the dance moves with the rest of the kids.

At the end of the recital she got a medal from the dance school, and of course flowers from DW and I. She thought that was really special and now she wants to continue with dancing. I am hoping this will be just what she needs to help boost her self-confidence. That is one area she is lacking in. We try to encourage her as much as possible and when DW took her to the therapist today, she gave her a few things we could try.

The therapist also said it was good that she was tlaking about her bio-parents and things that happened when she was with them. She told us to encourage her to talk about them but only when she brings them up. So we will do that as well.

Obviously, there is still no word from the court. Did anyone really expect that? I was hoping, but last week's stars obviously weren't strong enough. Hopefully this weeks stars will work better.

*

Tired and Still Waiting

*

Yesterday I celebrated Mother's Day in Maine with DW, (S), (K), (A), and her fiance. Then I traveled to New Hampshire and went to sleep. This morning at 3:00am I woke up and drove to Boston, MA. I then boarded an airplane and now find myself in Phoenix, AZ. I can't believe how much travelling I have been doing. I have not spent more than 4 days in a row in the same bed and have been essentially to 3 corners of the country. (Arizona, Maine, and Florida) in the last month. I just have to thank someone that I am not going to Washington State or Oregon any time soon.


I was told that (S) cried yesterday when I left. She has been crying a lot when I leave these days. I know it is hard on her. It is hard on all of us. I just hope in the long run, it turns out to be worth it as we had hoped. Only time will tell on that. Speaking of time.........

I wish the court would do something. I am sure you are just as tired hearing about it as I am talking about it, but this is ridiculous. These kids have been in the custody of the state for over 2 1/2 years and haven't seen their biological parents in ages (they didn't even show up in court for the TPR hearing). They all also have families willing to be their forever families.

There have been many times in the past I have been critical of the DHHS. There are times they certainly don't know what they are doing. There are times they do things that really make you wonder if they have any common sense. In reality though, while they may not use common sense all the time, I believe they always try to do things that are in the best interest of the children.

It doesn't appear as if the court works the same way. They have had this case long enough and it is time they render a decision and let these kids (and foster parents) get on with the business of being families!

Nuff said...
*

On The Road Again

*
The CW was over today for her monthly visit with (S). She says she is going to set up a visit with (S)s siblings for this Saturday. Of course she has been going to do that for the last 3 months. We will see if she actually does it this time. I think it probably will because...

We asked about the court hearing that occurred last week. It was just an update to the judge. The CW said the judge did ask why things weren't resolved yet, and she seemed unhappy that we were waiting on her colleagues to make a decision. After the CW told us that, she started asking questions about the adoption reference the home study, and the paperwork that she needs to fill out. She said she was going to get started on it. That tells me that she must be fairly confident that we will have things worked out soon. I have a feeling the judge asked about the sibling visits, and that is why she is gung ho about them. I am still at a wait and see posture on it though I am optimistic.

So maybe we are closer to an adoption, and maybe not. This is the way I see it.....

Life never quite goes the way you plan it. If it did, there would be an awful lot of cowboys, nurses, and policemen in the world, and not too many proctologists. After all, how many 7 year olds can even pronounce that?

So as we move through our life, things change and our plans change. As we go down each road, there are good things and bad things that we encounter. They all affect us in some way and cause us to take a different turn onto a different street. As long as we don't let the bad things turn into road blocks, there will always be good things ahead......And bad things....that is the way life is.


DW and I had been planning on retiring in a couple of years. Well, when (S)s parents were unable to make it through to reunification and the state sought the TPR, that was life changing for us and we started down a different road. We could have chosen to foster her until a forever family came along and still retire in a couple of years. Instead, we chose to become that forever family. A new road taken.

Unfortunately, it has been slow going. Apparently this road isn't paved and we got a flat tire somewhere along the way. Not a roadblock. I hope I am not reading too much into what the CW said and getting my hopes up too much, but I am feeling like our flat has been fixed and we are back on the road again.

*

Life is Good

*

(S) cried again when I left today. At least it will only be a few days until I see her again. She and DW are coming to NH on WEdnesday and we leave for Florida on Thursday night. Hopefully all will go well with the flights and we will wake up Friday am at my parents house in West Palm Beach and ready to go to the pool.



A few days there and then off to Disney for 5 dayes before returning to Palm Beach. When we return we will be lucky as (B) will be there and we will be able toi visit with him as well. DW will be meeting with the CW tomorrow. Still nothing has happened with the case. I check the court web site every day to see if anything has been posted. Nothing yet. I am hoping we are close. I promised I wouldn't get too itchy until after we returned from Florida, but it is tough.


More excitement in the family though. (A) received a proposal this week and will be married in September. Her finace has two children from a previous marriage. Our family is growing like crazy. One year agao we have 3 children. By the winter we now expect to have 4 children and three grandchildren. How is that for growth?!

The funniest part is that (S) will be an aunt to two kids more than twice her age. She is going to be flower girl again too. She is becoming an expert at that.

I don't know if I will have much chance to get on here before Disney, but you can be sure we will have some pictures to post once we get there. All in all......Life is Good.....

Looking Back

*
DW was here visiting with me for the weekend while (A) was taking care of (S) at home. I enjoyed our time alone together, but alas it did have to come to an end. After DW left I got to thinking about how things had changed over the last 2 1/2 years. I think what caused this was the realization this wekeend that (S) has spent more of her life with DW and I then with her biological family.

She spent 2 yrs and 60 days with her biological family. As of today, March 14, she has been with DW and I for 2 years and 82 days.

For those of you who have never read this blog, or don't know the whole story here is a look back at how we got to where we are today.

This was never what we had planned on. We got involved in Foster care because our 3 biological children had moved on and out of the house and were living their own life. We were alone in our home which certainly had more room than we needed and it was crying out for more life. We were watching tv one night and I saw an ad for foster care. I suggested to DW that we ought to look into it. She was not interested.

A couple of days later I got the information on what was required to get involved in foster care. I gave it to DW and asked her to make a call to find out about when the next informational meeting was. She wasn't interested, but I told her we didn't have to do foster care, we could check into it and this didn't commit us to anything.

So we went to the intial meeting and got the application and found out about the training we needed to take. Again, DW was not really interested. Again, I told her we never had to do foster care, but we could fill out the application and going to a class would be fun. We could go out to dinner each class night and then go to class and it would give us something to do other than to sit around the house.

She agreed to take the classes. After the classes, we continued to fill out the application. We still knew that we never had to complete the process to get our license. We never had to do foster care if we didn't want to and once the classes were over that could be the end of it.

We passed the class and then we continued with the licensing process. It was now 6 months since that first conversation and we still didn't have a license, but were a lot closer than we had been. The fire marshall had been to the house, the water from our well had been tested, and we had all kinds of people out to the house to do the required home studies. The only thing left was the fingerprints.

Mine were fine.

DW for some reason does not have much in the way of finger prints. They just couldn't get hers to the point where there was enough definition to get into the computer. We finally had to have a police oifficer attest to the fact that these were the best finger prints he could get. Our background checks were fine, but we still didn't have approval for the finger prints.

So we are waiting for that and still haven't decided if this was something we really wanted to do. Then I came home from work one day and there was a message on the machine to call a woman at DHHS. I figured it had to do with DWs fingerprints, so I called the woman and she advised me they were looking for a family to place child(ren) with. I said "but we don't have a license yet." She said that her supervisor had told her we were close enough and since they really needed people they would be happy for us to do it.

I asked what they were looking for and she said they had a family with 5 children. 2 were already placed and they had 2 boys and a girl to place. They either wanted to place all three together, or keep the boys together and then find a place for the girl. Since we had never done this before and had never given it any thought other than we would only do 1 at a time, I told her that we might be interested in the one girl, but I would have to call DW to see if it was ok. She asked me to call her back as soon as possible. She gave me some preliminary information. I called DW.

I told her that DHHS had called about a placement. She said "but we don't have a license yet" (sound familiar?) . Anyway I told her what I had been told and then told her that they were interested in placing a 2 year old girl. When DW heard that, she was all excited. I knew the answer would be yes as long as everything else was within the parameters we had discussed.

I called DHHS back and asked how long a placement they anticipated this would be as we were going away in a couple of months. They said it probably wouldn't last that long and there was another family that might be interested in taking all 5. (This was my first lesson in DHHS not being completely truthful) anyway, we agreed. They asked if we could come to DHHS and pick her up. I said of course, and as soon as DW got home, we headed over to the DHHS office. We left there about an hour or so later with beautiful redheaded little girl who was going to come and live with us, and it was just 2 weeks before Christmas 2007. We had shopping to do!

As always, DHHS was working towards reunification with her family. We had regular visits with her parents and her siblings, and about 9 months later we were really getting close to the family being all back together again. We knew when that day came it would be difficult for us, but we also knew that was what was best for (S).

It was now Christmas of 2008 and overnight visits with the 2 oldest siblings were about to begin. Overnight visits with (S) would begin the middle of January. It was getting close. That is when I started writing this blog. Wondering how we were going to deal with; this little girl going home, this little girl no longer being a part of our family, this little girl no longer sharing her love with us.......

Then, everything with her family fell apart. We are not sure of all the particulars, but in an instant, reunification came to an end and termination of parental rights began. Then we were faced with what were we going to do. Once termination of parental rights was granted, (S) would become a child looking for a forever family. The case worker asked us if we were interested. The answer of course was no. Heck, we still weren't sure we wanted to do foster care. Adoption was never in our plans. We went to court and watched the TPR proceedings and rapidly saw why these proceedings were happening. BioDad had no control over himself and was obviously a dangerous man. BioMom could not be without BioDad.

We started thinking about adoption. We spoke with our family memebers, and we even sought out a therapist so that we could figure out what we wanted. I will never forget what my sister in law from Georgia said to us one day.

"I don't know why y'all don't know whether or not you are going to adopt,
everyone else does!"

She was right. We made the decision that we would adopt (S). I wish it was that easy. Since that time, there have been two court cases. A TPR has been granted and an appeal has been made. The court still hasn't decided on the appeal. DHHS has little doubt in their mind that the appeal wil be denied and once that happens we can proceed with the paperwork to adopt, however no one has any idea how long it will take for the court/judges to make a decision. We have gone through the process to be approved as a "foster to adopt" family, and have even had our foster license renewed.

That is where we find ourselves today. (S) has no idea what is happening. As far as she is concerned, we are her family. She will always be with us, and there is no question about that. As I said earlier, she has spent more than half her life with us, and has been with us since shortly after her second birthday. She has only seen her bio parents once in the last 14 months. She hasn't seen her siblings in 8 months. She has asked about her siblings, but has not asked her bio parents.

We so much want this to be over for her. For us. We want to know that she will be with us and we will be her forever family. We can't wait. So anyway, that is where we are at. That is a quick (well maybe not so quick)look back at where we are, where we have been, and where we hope to go.

Eventually, maybe we will decide whether or not we want to do foster care. :)

I write this post to answer some questions that have been asked of me lately. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I will be more than happy to answer them as I can in this forum. Thanks for your interest, and thanks to all for your encouragement along the way.
*

Appointment, Visit, Disney

*
(S) had an appointment with the therapist yesterday. We are still trying to concentrate on the sleeping issue and getting her to stay an entire night in her own room. I guess we are going to start moving her a foot at a time from where she is sleeping closer to her room. I don't know if we are betting she doesn't notice, or thinking she will notice and it just won't bother her anymore. As long as it works, I really don't care. We are now going to see the therapist every other week instead of every week.

(S)s case worker came by yesterday for her monthly visit. I am still out of state so I didn't get to talk with her, but DW did. When asked about the case and if anyone knew what was happening, the answer, of course, was that they don't know anything. She said she had talked with the DA and he had no idea where it was. The CW also added that she had one case that had taken a year. We don't know if that was start of TPR proceedings to end of appeal, or just the appeal process. If it was just the appeal process, it is time to scream with frustration. If it was from start to finsih, then it shouldn't be long before we scream with excitement. The start of the TPR process was just about this time last year. We will keep our fingers crossed.

We also have all the permissions in place to take (S) to Disney World. We have been talking it up with her and making sure she knows that there are many characters there. She says she is fine with that. I guess Chuck E Cheese is more of a rat while Mickey of course is a mouse. I don't know, but she likes Mickey. In any event, we have made our plane reservations and also have made reservations for:

Bibiddi Bobiddi Boutiue where she will get all dolled up like a Princess. (Hair, Nails, Makeup)

After the boutique, we are having dinner with Cinderella in the castle.

We are also going to have lunch one day with Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, and Eeyore.

The above are all at the Magic Kingdom.

We have reservations for Breakfast with Donald Duck in Animal Kingdom

We are still deciding what, if any, character meal we will do in Epcot.

We are only 6 weeks away from leaving for Florida, so we are getting REAL excited!!! Can't wait. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions, things not to miss etc, please let us know.
*

The Mystery Mansion reappears

*
The Mystery Mansion is striking again.

We have a new CW and she is not very reliable. We may have been spoiled by our original CW for (S), as she was with us for 2 years. Now we have one that doesnt seem to really care all that much. I am beginning to wonder if it is because the case has been through the family court, the TPR has been granted and we have decided to adopt (S).

Unfortunately I have been away and not had the opportunity to meet her. She wants to meet me, but we have called a couple of times and she never returns our calls. Monday I am going to call her supervisor and see what is going on. The supervisor happens to be the one who called us originally to take (S) 2 years ago and she has been following the ase since. I know she is happy that we are going to adopt (S) so hopefully she will give us some assistnace in taking care of these issues.

We also need to renew our foster license and the person who handles that is also impossible to get a hold of. I know we have been approved as an adoptive resource so all of that is taken care of, but no one seems to have a lot of answers for us. Additionally, mom and dad have appealed the TPR and I am not sure DHHS wants to do anything until after the appeal is decided. We have been told by numerous people that the appeal will not change anything, it will just delay things. That is too bad because we are hoping to have everything completed before (S) starts school in September. We also want tog et her a passport in case we want to go out of the cvountry, but wee can't do that until after an adoption is complete.

We have heard that the DHHS is not all that helpful when we get to this part of the process and after adoption. As a result, we are going to hire a lawyer to make sure all our bases are covered. DHHS is just looking out for the child which is as we would want it, but we need to make sure we look out for ourselves and we get the needed paperwork in a timely manner once the adoption goes through.

Right now we are just keeping our fingers crossed. Until the adoption is final and everything is settled. I think this is going to be a very stressful time.

Bad News or Good News?

*

Well (S)'s parents have filed an appeal with the state supreme court. (This is the only court that hears appeals on these matters in this state).

There is no one that thinks an appeal will go through, but as those of you who have been reading this blog know, stranger things have happened. So is it good news or bad?


The bad news is that this will hold up any adoption for a few months longer. It means that we probably will not have everything complete in early spring. We are just hoping it can be complete before school starts next year so (S) doesn't have a name change while in school. The other bad news is that the court could make any decision and we don't know for sure what that will be. While all the experts are saying there is no way this appeal will go through, all the experts have been wrong before in this case.

So where is the good news? you ask.

Well, Bio mom and dad never showed up in court for the initial TPR hearing. We were there for two days and there was never any proof indicating where they were or that they even cared about their children. I may be going out on a limb here but at least this shows SOME degree of caring for their children. I would have expected them to fight harder in the intial case then they did. By fighting now, at least when (S) grows up, we can tell her that her parents did fight to keep her. I don't want her to feel as though she was the cause of anything pertaining to her removal from her birth family or that she was unloved.

The second part of the potentially good part is that once the appeal is over there will be no more possible chance for recourse. They won't be able to come back and say we didn't get the chance to present our side of the case or anything like that. They will have taken it as far as it can go, and the court case will be over.

So is it good news or bad? Well, like most things it is a mixed blessing. We won't know the final outcome for a few months, but we will continue to keep our fingers crossed and hope that ultimately what happens is the best thing for (S).

In the meantime, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year.

~

Our Final Answer

*

Monday we will start yet another TPR hearing for (S)'s biological parents. I am still not sure why this was necessary except that the first judge apprently had no interest in the law, his reponsibility, or what was best for the children. I am hopeful that the new judge will see things for what they are and act appropriately. I believed that the last time, but I am still going to believe it again. It is not as if much has changed.

Bio-mom and dad are in a worse place. It is clearer now more than ever that they are unable to properly and safely care for the children. While many people don't do what is proper in other peoples eyes, the "safely" part is a must, and they can't seem to control themselves. Even in court the last time bio-dad was out of control. They have no home, they have no visible means of support, they can't live together in anything other than a violent atmosphere, and they can't live apart.

DW and I plan to attend the entire hearing. We have been told that the DA will be asking if we plan on adopting (S) if the TPR should go through. We have to give an honest answer. There is no room for fudging around with the answer. While some of you are aware of the answer, others have wondered as we struggled with that right after the last hearing when it became apparent (wrongly so) that the parental rights would be terminated. I have fudged around a little bit here and there, but I wanted to let those of you that haven't been sure know what the answer is before that testimony is made.

So when DW is asked; "Do you plan on adopting (S) if the TPR goes through?"

The answer will be YES! and it will be our final answer.

This was never our intention when we started down this road, but there can be no other answer now. So this blog which was originally just going to deal with foster care, will add adoption to its focus as well. We still plan on continuing in our role as foster parents and will talk about that, but we will also be talking about adoption and how the process is working for us.

We just hope that whatever decision the judge makes, it is the best one for the children.

*

Happenings

*
This week we had a visit from the adoption resource specialist who is doing our adoption home study. It is not much in addition to what was already done for the foster care home study. We are still in the process of renewing the foster care license as well because that runs out in February.

Next week (S)s case worker is coming for her monthly visit, and the following week we will be in court listening in on the TPR hearings. It is scheduled for 3 days. DW will be testifying as well. This time there is a different judge. Whether or not things will go differently is anyone's guess. In any event we will try to be prepared for whatever comes.

In the meantime, (S) continues to do very well. She loves her pre-school and has made lots of new friends there, and she loves her dance classes as well. We took her trick or treating at the Mall and she had a blast there as well. The Smarties were her biggest thrill!

This morning she woke up to see we had about 2 inches of snow on the ground from a little snow shower that had come through sometime last night. She was so excited to see the snow.

Unfortunately, she was also disappointed. Last year after the plow had come a few times we had a big pile of snow near the house and we made it into a sled run for her. Well, there was no pile and no sled run, hence the disappointment. DW assured her it wouldn't be too long before there was enough snow to make that happen. In the meantime she packed up her boots and snow suit and mittens etc. in case they went outside at pre-school today. Then upon arrival at pre-school it was apparent that in just those 10 or 15 miles they had received a lot less snow then we had. Only a little dusting that would probably be melted by 11:00am. More disappointment.

While none of us like to see our children or foster children disappointed in any way, it is gratifying to know that this is the type of disappointment that she now has in her life. May she always be this disappointed!
*

Mixed Bag

*
Tonight we went Trick or Treating at the mall. The place was jammed with kids and it was a great time for (S). She was Tinkerbelle and seemed to have a great time. We went with her BFF and now her BFF is spending the night. Tomorrow morning will be pancakes.

Next week the licensing person will come to our house to do the extended home study we need. We are going to change our license from a "foster care" license to a "foster to adopt" license. I am not sure what additional is required, but we will find out when the adoption specialist shows up on Wednesday.

In the meantime we have court dates. November 16, 17, and 18 are scheduled for the TPR hearing. That means there could be a decision made before Christmas. Of course then there is an appeal that is likely and another wait for 3 or 4 months. In any event, we will be ready when the time comes to do whatever it is we need to do........I hope.

We have also signed up for a class so we can get our hours done because our foster license expires in February. The first class is for toddlers and preschool age children and the next course we are going to take is about kids who have suffered trauma. Of course both of those will fit well with (S) and hopefully provide us with information so that we are better able to understand her and any foibles she may have.

I don't know if that will be enough as I am not sure what is actually requried, but that is something else we can find out next week.

This past week we took (S) to her first movie. "Astro Boy". We saw it at a place called Chunky's and it was great. It is a combination restaurant and theater and it was a great place for (S) to see her first movie. She had a blast and we were with other kids and they had a great time too. The burgers were also pretty good. The one we went to is in Nashua, but I guess there are a few of them around the Nashua area and I think there is one in Sanford, Maine as well. We had never heard of it before, but if we are ever in the area again, it will be a definite to go there.
*

An Occurrence

*
For those of you who have been reading this blog, one of the issues we had been strugling with was whether or not we would adopt (S) if ultimately that is her fate. We thought about it quite extensively during the time it looked like there was going to be a TPR and the need to make a decision in June or July. The judge essentially decided he didn't want to make a decision so now we are waiting for a new hearing before a new judge sometime in November. Our "final answer" was put on hold, thus giving us more time to debate with ourselves. (we aren't really debating anymore as we have decided what will we do if those circumstances occur.)

Part of the debate was whether or not we were too old to adopt a 4 year old child. DW and I are both in our mid 50's and our youngest child is about to turn 27.

We thought about all sorts of reasons why we were too old and all sorts of reasons why we weren't too old. well yesterday there was an occurrence. It seemed to fit into the "too old" column.

(S) is going to a preschool now and doing quite well. She loves going there and has made many friends in her class. There is even one boy who she says can make funny noises and everyone laughs. I didn't think there were class clowns at age 4 but apparently there are. I am sure his parents are proud! Anyway I digress.

Yesterday I went to pick her up from her school and there was another mother there picking up her child as well. Nothing real unusual there until I took particular note of the other mother. I am thinking is that "T"? No, it can't be "T". By golly it was "T". And who is "T" you ask? Well, she dated my son when he was in high school. They say you are only as young as or as old as you feel. At that moment I felt pretty old. She probably thought I was picking up a grandchild.

But.....

when you are driving home from preschool and (S) is sitting in the back seat of the car and she says "Daddy, I love you" well.....need I say more?

~

You Can't You Judge a Book by its Cover. Or can you?

*

There have been many times in my life when I have said " hey it is true, you can't judge a book by its cover." I remember a little Japanese restaurant in Montreal that a bunch of us went to. When we arrived we found a place that looked like a real dive. It was in a dying part of town. Old factory buildings that were boarded up lined the streets. There were stairs leading down to the restaurant located in the basement of one of those factories building. There was nothing else around and there weren't any people outside. The problem was that we were going to a baseball game and didn't really have a lot of time to find someplace else so we grudgingly went in.........It was fantastic!......You can't judge a book by its cover.

I could go on about movies that didn't look all that great but I went to because someone else wanted to go. I can think of books that really fit the theory. When we were looking for houses there were a lot of them. There were the ones that looked great on the outside and were in desperate need of TLC inside, as well as the ones that looked horrible on the outside but on the inside were absolutely beautiful......You can't judge a book by its cover.

OK, so the theory works. At least for inanimate objects. Not always mind you, but enough so that you really have to look inside to find out what the real picture is.

What about people? My idealistic side would like to think that everyone has some good somewhere, and I may be naive, but I am sure that is true to differing degrees. As far as the judging theory goes....well we were in court yet again last week and as always we were there for a hearing related to the TPR of (S). It was the busiest we had ever seen this courthouse. Being a family court all the cases were either child protective cases, divorce cases, adoption cases. There wasn't a lot to do except read old magazines, or people watch. I chose the later and found myself judging some of the "books" roaming around the courthouse on Monday.

There was a young couple there. One with a lot of life left ahead of them. On occasion they even held each other's hand. They were both well dressed and groomed. He was reading a book and she was sitting anxiously quiet. There was no way they were there to get a divorce. I am convinced they were in the process of adopting a young child.

On the other hand, there were a number of people there who were dirty, horribly dressed, and had obviously just came in from the wilderness of northern Maine. Most of them could not put together a sentence. I figured they must have been the ones involved in child protective cases. The only reason they could possibly be there is because the state had to take their children away.

There was a bleached blond girl there who was about 5'7" tall and I don't think she weighed 90 p0unds soaking wet. Obviously a drug addict. She was however well dressed. She was most likely trying to get custody back of her child/ren who had been taken away from her.

There was an older casually dressed couple there with a son of about 30 who looked like he was a hard working mechanic. His hands had the rough grease-stained look. He had on a pair of blue dickies and a sweatshirt. He was clean and was able to talk in complete sentences. Whatever the reason they were there, I was sure everything was going to work out for them.

There were the other people who were obviously there to testify. They were talking amongst themselves. Well dressed and groomed. A few I recognized as counselors and therapists from (S)s case.

The suits.....they all had to be the lawyers.....They had thick briefcases under their arms and cell-phones attached to their belts. One needed a cane. They conversed with each other about all matters of things. Some of them pertaining to cases, and some of them totally irrelevant to what they were doing in court.


So, was I right about my judgements? I have no clue. ( I was wearing a shirt and tie and had a cell phone but I am not a lawyer) I could have been right but most likely I was right about some and wrong about others. Hence the theory. But when you are sitting around in a courthouse all day awaiting your 10 minutes before a judge, what else is there to do? I am just left to wonder..... By the way (S)s bio-mom was there. She still looks used and abused although she was clean and neatly dressed.

If nothing else is clear, the one thing that is obvious is that some people have never been taught good hygiene, or how they should look when going before a judge.


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The Latest Poop

OK, so it has been a couple of weeks. I was out of town all last week on business.

I kept thinking each day something new was going to happen and yet it hasn't. Today we went to the courthouse and the new judge was there to discuss the case. She said the old judge may return to hear the case. I guess he is "active" retired. I am not sure what that means, but I am hoping that the new judge just hears the whole thing. A fresh look at all the evidence and what is and has been going on might work out best for all concerned.

In the meantime, the lawyers are going to get together in a couple of weeks to talk and we are looking at a November or December hearing that will last 3 to 4 days. Then there will be a 4 to 6 week time before any decision is rendered. Sooooooooooo we will be here in limbo until sometime after the New Year. At least (S) is unaware of her "limbo status". Of course one of the lawyers said that there was a warrant out for dad's arrest (not sure why) and according to the sw, mom and dad filed PPOs against each other but are living around the corner from each other. I could live to be 100 and I will never figure this out so I guess I will just report it and not waster energy trying to figure it out.

Mom will be having a meeting with (S)s therapist this week to discuss how visits with her may be handled. There has not been any progress made on this front, and I am quite happy about that. After the last visit with mom (S) took a giant step backwards and she is doing so well now.

Speaking of doing well.....(S) started pre-school last week. She really likes it. She seems to do real well. She is clingy in the morning when we drop her off, but it isn't anything that unusual. She has been dry and clean every day for a while now. She still wears a diaper at night, but she is making progress there too. We still can't get her to spend an entire night in her own bedroom. She hasn't done that since the last visit with mom over a month ago. She is turning into a terror at times. I think she is just testing the limits like any other child to see how far she can go. It can be very frustrating for us at times though.

Obviously, this saga will continue to continue or keep on keeping on, or whatever you want to call it. At least the plot isn't thickening....I think......

On Topic and Off Topic

On topic

(S)'s caseworker came by today for her monthly visit to see how (S) is doing. Most of the conversation centered around these potential visits with her bio-parents. I told her that while I disagreed with the judge about the potential of these visits, I was willing to defer to the experts/therapists as far as visits with bio-mom was concerned, but after what happened on Monday there was no way I could allow (S) to spend any time, supervised or not, with her bio dad. (not that I have a lot to day about it)

Of course he had a case adjudicated yesterday that may have put him behind bars for a few months. If that is the case, then we won't have to worry too much. In the meantime, the meeting with the new judge is still on in two weeks. I plan on talking to the guardian ad litem to make sure he is well aware of our position. Of course I know that his position is no different, it is just a matter of making sure the new judge knows what a mistake this would be and we can convince her that there needs to be a change here.

So where does that leave us now? Nothing has changed. We are still not happy with the speed at which the judicial system is moving, but as long as there are no more visits taking place now, I guess I can't really complain.

Off Topic

........I never wanted to bring politics into this blog and that is not my intent. Most of us involved in foster care are people who care deeply about those who may not be as lucky as us or have as much as us. In particular the children we take into our homes. Unfortunately, these children and adults in similar situations have lost a great advocate with the death of Ted Kennedy. While a lot of people may have questioned some of his actions in the past, no one can question his consistent care and concern for the underprivaledged in our society.....so I just want to say "May he rest in peace"
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Things are Happening

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There is a lot happening, yet nothing is moving. The family team meeting scheduled for the end of next week has been moved to Monday. Not sure why, but all that will happen there is discussion about the needs of the children. Both DW and I will try to make it.

We also received a call from the fire marshall who wants to come out to check out the house. It is time for license renewal so we have to do those things. In the meantime since it is time to do that anyway, we decided to have our license changed.......just in case......we are going to change from a "foster home" to a foster and adoptive resource home.

What that means is that if and when (S) becomes available for adoption and we decide to do that, the paperwork will be all taken care of on our end. Apparently we need to have another home study. I am not sure what questions they could ask us that they didn't ask before. Maybe they want to know what my favorite breakfast was when I was a child (Corn Flakes and bananas), or what I liked to eat for lunch (Velveeta Cheese sandwich). There certainly can't be much left of any relelvence that they didn't ask the first time.

Anyway, we got the forms to fill out in the mail today. We also have to set up an appointment for that home study. I dont' anticipate this as being any kind of a problem, just more red tape to go through.

We still haven;t heard from (S)'s therapist yet about when her next appointment will be. That will have to happen before any visits may occur. I am not sure what the situation is with (S)'s brothers but I guess we will find out more about that on Monday. Mayb e we will get more information then about the TPR hearings. If not, we have the monthly visit from the caseworker on Wednesday and that will be another opportunity to get some information.

In the meantime, we are still up in the air. We can handle that. It is (S) who is going to have the problems if permanency can't be achieved in a relatively short amount of time. This case needs to be heard decided and completed on the kids time, not on the courts, caseworkers, judges, or even the foster parents time. The problem is that the justice system that says it does things it believes are in the "best interest" of the children doesn't seem to really accomplish that with any degree of regularity It really is a shame.
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There has to be a better way

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Well I just got off the phone with the case worker for (S). She had just filed another TPR. I thought I was beginning to understand the system, but I am getting more and more confused. She still has to plan on visits for (S) with bio mom and dad even though they do a number on her. Those visits will be done when and how the therapist working with (S) decides they should be. In the meantime, the therapist just had surgery and I don't know when she will be back. If she calls, I guess there won't be any hurry calling her back.



I don't know what impact the filing of a TPR has on that. I guess until the next judge hears something the visits will be as ordered by the last judge. At some point though youhave to wonder how many times can they file for a TPR? Apparently there are certain circumstancs under which they can be filed, and if things change, which indeed they have, then they can refile. Like I said, Idon't understand this system, but I fel like th GAL and DA had a chance and they were so sure they had this case in the bag that they let up and that is what caused them to lose. On the other hand, they apparently left themselves an opening for refiling. Who knows? I certainly don't.



What I do know is that (S) needs to have some permanency and that can't occur until all these court proceedings come to an end. Is there anything that can be more damaging to a child like (S) then not having any permanency. At least at this point she doesn't know it, but if and when the time comes, I am sure it will be very difficult. I don't know how else it can be done, but

There has to be a better way.


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Its All Mumbo Jumbo To Me

I was in the process of writing an entry about my family values but that will have to wait. Right now I am trying to figure out the demise of our justice system. Apparently some judges can be so arrogant that they refuse to admit they are wrong. They continue to make their determinations based on flaed thinking and won't let anyone tell them otherwise.

You have probably figured out I am talking again about one moronic magistrate in particular. Today he denied BOTH motions the state had made. I don't know why he thinks he knows so much more than all the professionals, but apparently he does. He also apparently has no regard what so ever for what is in the best interests of the children. That is the saddest part of all. So now the saga will go one for a few more months adn the children will remain in legal limbo until all is decided.

We have one possibble saving grace.....Our moronic Magistrate is retiring in two weeks. Going out to pasture with all the other cows where he belongs.......That means when the state files again for a TPR it will be heard by a different judge. I can only hope that judge pays a little bit of attention to the professionals.

I know I am not an expert in either of these subjects. I know little or nothing about theories of child development and psychotherapy etc, and I know even less about the law. I also know that the judge knows nothing about therapy. That is why they have experts come in to testify. So why does he not listen to the experts?

When I needed my appendix removed, I went to a surgeon, not a dentist. When I need a haircut, I go to the barber, not the hardware store. When I go to the surgeon or the hardware store, I go there because they can give me the information I need. Since I am paying them, I value their knowledge and information. It would seem the judge should do the same thing. He didn't......he is a moron....but I have said that enough.

So now, we wait some more and hope that the next judge will use some common sense. In the meantime, we will continue to care for (S) and hope that whatever happens, she will come out on the other end ok. She is such a great kid, I hope the judicial system doesn't screw it up. But I have to tell you that what the lawyers said in court, and what the judge said in his decision is all just legal mumbo jumbo as far as I am concerned. I am glad that there are a few of us anyway looking out for the best interests of the children. I pray that in the end, everyone does that.

GAL and the Roller Coaster Ride

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DW spoke with the GAL this week. It seems as though bio-mom is suspected of stealing food from the women's shelter and bringing it to her husband. Yes the same husband she is supposedly being protected from at the women's shelter, and the same husband the judge thinks she is no longer with.

The GAL is very concerned about the children and not very happy with the judge. There is a date for court of August 13, but the GAL says there is no guarantee that the judge will even hear the appeal that day. We can only hope that if he does hear it, he sees the light and amends his decision to something sensible.....Like TPR.

In the meantime, the caseworker is planning to visit here and see (S) the week after next. She also said she needs to plan another visit with bio-parents. She is hopeful that something will happen on the 13th to cause those visits not to occur, but like I said, the judge may not even hear the case.

In the meantime, we have (S) signed up for pre-school starting the end of this month. That gives us 3 weeks to get the toilet training back on track. She is pretty good about number 1, but she has not gotten back to pooping in the potty. We know she knows when she has to go, but she is says she is afraid to go in the potty. Hopefully we will get that straightened out.

In the meantime, the roller coaster ride continues. Thinking back.....January - ready to have her go home to bio-mom..........March - deciding whether or not we want to adopt after the TPR.......July - Wondering whether she will be up for adoption or returned to bio-parents.......August - hoping the judge makes the right decision.......Not sure whether or not the next turn on the roller coaster leads to an up or a down, but we will be ready for whatever occurs.............I hope

Easy To Say

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So a lot of people have asked what is going on. The short answer is....there is no short answer.

There are two things happening.

First, as far as the court and TPR and DHHS are concerned. The state, through DHHS, is still appalled at the judges decision. The so-called "emergency" appeal will not be heard for another week and a half. The Guardian Ad Litem is at a loss for words. The District Attormey has never seen anything like it, and the moronic magistrate?.....well, he is apparently oblivious to any reality. In case you are forgetting, the following post will give you some idea as to what was testified to in court:
http://fosterfriends.blogspot.com/2009/05/new-knowledge.html

As far as (S) is concerned.

Since her visit with bio-mom a week and a half ago and her visit with bio-dad this past Friday, her behavior, attitude, life, sleeping, mood, and anything else you can think of is messed up. These were the first visits with bio-parents in almost 8 months. She was making such great progress. She was using the potty most of the time. Always for wee-wees, and almost always for poop. That is no longer the case. She was sleeping in her room for most, if not all of the night. That is no longer the case.

She has returned to the "hyper-vigilance" the therapist talked about. She will fall asleep in the den and when we try to move her she wakes up and doesn't want to be moved. Heck, we don't even have to try and move her. If we try to sneak out of the room she somehow notices that we are not there. The easiest conclusion to draw is that she is afraid she is going to lose us and therefore does not want to be out of our sight. Whether or not she thinks someone is going to take her, or if we are going to leave her somewhere and never come back, who knows? I am sure there are other conclusions that can be drawn too. The bottom line is this is not a healthy situation for her. The "permanency" case worker has been trying hard to get some permanency and stability into the lives of (S) and her brothers and it seems as though she gets thwarted at every attempt. At least we know she is trying.

I don't know if I can last another week and a half until the court appeal, or maybe longer for the decision, or what that decision might be. This is where I have to just come to the realization that I have absolutely no control over it, so I shouldn't worry about it.....Yeah Right.....easy for me to say!