Family

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Well we had the session with the therapist and we have talked with (S) about why she remembers another family. We have explained to her that some parents are not able to keep their children safe so there are people that help them to find parents that can keep them safe.
Her case worker is the one that helped her parents to find us and that is why she comes to check on her every month to make sure she is still safe. We also explained how there would be a time soon when a we would go to a court and a judge would make it official that she was our daughter forever and she was a part of our family and we were her forever family.

We also talked with the GAL this week and he is confident that the courts will finish their busness pretty soon and then the adoption process will move very quickly. We are really hoping that he is correct. It would be so nice to have our WHOLE NEW FAMILY together for A's wedding in September.

By that time K would have given brith to our first grandchild. We will have one very large family then. 4 children and three grandchildren and 2 sons-in-law. It is amazing how fast this family is growing.

In the meantime DW had to work today so (S) and I went for a ride in the country. We came across a deer ranch with a huge family of deer

Then we went to our initial destiantion which was one of the many covered bridges in the northeastern US. This one is just a few miles from our house, but (S) had never been there before. As a matter of fact, I had never been there before either. I knew it was there, just never went to it.

We had a great time together. It was fun. Next weekend DW will be gone for 4 days and (S) and I will have the whole house to ourselves. We are planning on going to the "restaurant where you pick out your own food" (buffet) the first night that DW is gone. We are also planning a trip to the beach and of course we will go to the playground on more than one occasion. The only thing we really need now is to have good weather.

Speaking of the beach, we are going there tomorrow with DW, (S), and I. Maybe K and her husband will come.

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Family and Thanksgiving

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Two months ago the plan was Thanksgiving for 5. Myself, DW, (S), (K), and her husband. The a borther and sister-in-law in Georgia decided they would come up here to Maine for Thanksgiving with our nephew. Since they were coming up from Atlanta, (A) decided she ws coming. She was going to bring her boyfriend and her two kids as well. So now we had gone from 5 to 12. Well (K) decided she wanted another cousin of hers to come up here from Massachusetts and she worked on her to work on her father (my brother-in-law). She was successful. So we have the brother-in-law, the sister-in-law, the niece and nephew. We were up to 16.

I thought that was where we were going to stay, but today (A) called and asked if we had enough for 3 more. Well, I told her we had enough food to feed an army, but if anyone else wanted to come they would have to bring their own chairs. Don't know if we will have those 3, but if we do, that brings us to 19. It would be nice if (B) could have come from Alabama, but we knew that wouldn't happen. At least I will get to see him in a couple of weeks when I have to go to Atlanta on business

So our Thanksgiving is going to be a house full of people and we are going to have a great time.

The best part of this whole affair is how (S) is looking forward to it. She is so excited that so many people from her family are going to be here. She is looking forward to this day more than anyone else in the family. We have never made any reference to our last name, but somehow she has picked that up and she told (S) that her last name was our family name. We have to hope she actually has that name before she can read the name on her dance shoes at dance class. That would really bring up some questions......So what could make Thanksgiving Day any better.........I think those of you who read regularly know.......A decision from the judge that will lead to (S) becoming a legal part of our family.

If that were to happen, this has the potential to be a Thanksgiving that truly gives us all something to be thankful for. Keep your fingers crossed and your prayers with us. We have two more days we could hear from the case worker that the judge has made that decision..................

Family

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Two years ago I knew that there would never be another little child calling me daddy. I was hoping there would be new little children calling me Grandpa....or better yet Papa. Well fast forward two years, and I do have a little child calling me Daddy and there are no little children calling me papa. Funny how life works.


The fact that there is no little child calling me Papa is not a big deal or totally unexpected. While I do have three biological children between the ages of 27 and 31, none of them were married until this past June when the youngest got married.

The fact that there is a little child calling me Daddy, on the other hand, is certainly remarkable. Two years ago DW and I had completed our training class to become foster parents. One of the things mentioned in the class was that it can sometimes be confusing for children if they call their foster parents Mommy and Daddy. While it works for some, most people prefer to use something else. There were a lot of other reasons as well that we were given this suggestion by the instructor and quite frankly, I don't remember what they were.

I do remember that when (S) came to us we had her calling us by or first names. We didn't expect her to be here very long. As a matter of fact, I was thinking that by this time there would have been numerous children that had stayed with us temporarily before going back to their homes and living happily ever after with their biological family. I am learning that my view of the foster care system and the families of children involved in the system was really quite naive. I don't like to make generalizations as there are certainly some families where that is the case, but unfortunately those are the ones you don't hear about.

At some point along the way (S) started calling us Mommy and Daddy. At first it was intermittent along with our first names but gradually it has grown to where it is today. She calls us Mommy and Daddy exclusively. She refers to our three biological children as her sisters and brother. She calls my parents her Nanny and Papa etc etc etc. Maybe it was when she satrted calling us that, that we started thinking seriously about adoption. It still is amazing to me that we are not only hoping to adopt a child, but we are expecting to adopt a child.

We want to be her Mommy and Daddy, not just be called that. She considers us to be her family. She is so excited that we have so much family coming to our home for Thanksgiving. There will be 16 of us in all and it will be a great time.

There were a number of things my parents taught us growing up. One thing that was said on many occasions was that "no matter what happens, you always have family". They didn't just say those words either. They have practiced those words throughout.

It is my belief that won't be true for (S) if her family remains the one she was born in to. I can guarantee her that will be the case if the courts see their way clear to terminate the parental rights of her biological family and allow us to adopt her.

It is my hope that the court system and the Judge do not look at this case as the "breaking up of a family" but as a wonderful creation of 3 new, beautiful, and loving families that are interconnected through 5 biological siblings. All 5 of the kids deserve to have the kind of a family that is always there for you.
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Just When We Think......

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So we have a little girl visiting with us for the weekend. She is the daughter of a friend of our eldest bio-daughter. We call her our surrogate grandchild. (SG). Things were getting pretty overwhelming with the two of them at the restaurant (it was a buffet and probably not a good idea anyway) and we were thinking that maybe adoption wasn't going to be a good idea. We were coming up with all kinds of different reasons and ways to justify that answer.

Then we went to the supermarket. All of us... (DW), (S), (SG) and I all go and are looking for diffrerent things that we might like to take to the beach today for a picnic. (S) and (SG) are running ahead of us when (S) turns to (SG) and says:
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"Stop, we have to wait for my family"

How can we possibly split her from her family?
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Mommy, Daddy, Adopt, Not Adopt

So these are the questions and the answers are simple:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"


We just have to determine what season it is and what the purpose is. Of course if we could figure that out..........


So do we want to adopt or not?......and should we discourage, encourage, or ignore (S) calling us mommy and daddy?

Will we even have to answer the adoption question or is the court going to allow mom and/or dad to retain parental rights......

Too many questions and no answers.

We have decided that we are going to do what we think will be best for (S) and not think about us. When we got involved in this it was for the kids and we are not going to change that. I know we will be unhappy if/when she leaves, but that shouldn't matter..... I know that being retired and having a young child is not two things you think about doing at the same time but again, we can't let that play a role in our decision making.

There are plenty of "only children" but neither DW nor I were only children and we think it is better to have siblings living in the same home, not strewn all over the palce with no hope of additional members of the family. A mark against adoption.

(S) knows us and probably doesn't remember living anywhere else in her life. If she never leaves here, there will be far less trauma to overcome.....a mark for adoption

We are old and will not be able to do things like be a girl scout troop leader, or coaching little league and that type of thing. A old mom and dad are not able to do those things like a younger mom and dad can......a mark against adoption.

So every day we come up with more and more different reasons why we should or shouldn't adopt (S) if and when the time comes to make a decision. I still like the idea of not making a decision until we have to, but with all that has to go into this decision I guess we have to give it some thought..

Tomorrow is another day in court.
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