Christmas Pictures

Apparently Rudolph dropped some of his bells when he was leaving our house. All the reindeer really made a mess of the carrots that (S) left for them.

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Of course we are hoping this is our last Christmas as (S)s foster parents. Next Christmas there will be more to see in our pictures, but for this year, this will have to do. There were plenty of goodies, and some were a little too heavy, but at the end of the day, she managed to get them all open.

WE HOPE YOU ALL HAD A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TOO!

Christmas Ramblings

On my last entry I mentioned how nice it was when (S) gave me a big hug upon my return home. I mentioned that I didn't remember when that stopped with my bio children and I hoped it wouldn't stop with (S) for a while.

I have given more thought to this and how children see their parents as they grow. When children are first born there is a natural atatchment to the mother and there is an attachment to the father developed relatively early. (this is in normal homes. I am not sure (S) ever had an attachment to her bio father).

Once they learn how to walk, they are encouraged to meet their parents at the door and the usual result is they get picked up by the arriving parent and get a big hug and kiss which is naturally comforting to them.

When they learn to run and jump, thats what they do when the parent comes home and the parent has no choice but to pick them up. (Not that anyone would refuse) This is the stage that (S) is at right now and I love it!

Unfortunately, there comes a time when they are just too big to pick up and the parent has to put a stop to the running and jumping. At that point it may be time for the parent to get down on one knee to give the requisite hug and kiss upon arrival at home.

The next stage is when they no longer care to acknowledge your existance. While they may come to the door and say a quick hello, if they have friends visiting they won't even acknowledge your arrival. Unless of course they are looking for something in particular. (roughly ages 12 to 14)This isn't all bad though because as long as there is no chance of being seen by their friends, they still enjoy spending time with you.

Then the teenage years hit full force. That is when they don't even want to acknowledge your existance. Family outings are for the birds and all that really matters are them and their friends. This is not true 100% of the time, but it is enough of the time to make you wonder if they care about you or is it just the things you can provide?

This is the longest and most difficult time of parenting. Kids are trying to test limits and experiment with different types of behavior. You hope you have taught them well, and that when they do something stupid it won't harm them physically. If you are lucky, they make it through the teenage years. After those years come to an end, you are in really good shape.

The older they get, the smarter you get.

They finally start asking for advice and valuing the advice you give them. They are adults and while at times it is difficult to treat them that way, there is no holding them back. They make their own choices and hopefully they are good ones. Again, hopefully they have a healthy and happy life. If they make mistakes, you can not blame yourself. They have made their own choices. DW and I have been very lucky. While there have certainly been trials and tribulations along the way, right now all of our children are living productive and healthy lives. They also seem to be happy which is most important.

So where does that leave us with (S)? Well, we obviously have a long way to go. While we don't know if she went through those first couple of stages with her bio-parents, we do know that she has been through the stage of meeting at the door, and now jumping up on me when I arrive. I love it. I just hope that she is able to go through the rest of her life being a normal little kid. You never know what happened that may have a long term effect on her life, but we are hoping that we can negate any bad things that may have happened.

On another note, the good news is that there has not been an appeal filed yet. Bio mom and Dad still have about a month to file one though. We are keeping our fingers crossed. In the meantime I am still travelling every week and spending my weekends at home with DW and (S). This week I will be home on Christmas Eve and stay through Sunday so that will be an extra long visit. Last week I was in Atlanta, and this week I am back in New Hampshire. I will be in New Hamshire until the week of January 10th when I will be going to New York for a week. Life goes on.

I will continue to keep up as much as I can, but in case I don't get back to this blog before Christmas, I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas spent with your family and a Happy and Healthy New Year. There is a quote from a columnist by the name of Bill Vaughn. (aka Burton Hillis) that goes like this:

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."

While family has always been important to me, it has never been as important as it has become over the last couple of years. I will be very happy to be spending this Christams with DW and (S).

Bowling

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(S) went to her first theme birthday party today. It was a bowling party. She had never been bowling before. She was pretty excited about going to begin with since she loves cake and ice cream she was ecstatic.

The girl who was celebrating her birthday is a year older then her. Her mother does foster care and we met her through our original foster care class. We have done respite care for each other on a few occasions and (S) and DW have spent time at her house while the kids play.

Our biggest concern was whether or not (S) would try to throw the ball. Thankfully they were playing candlepins. For those of you in other parts of the country that don't have candlepin bowling, it is very thin pins. They are about as tall as regular pins but only about 2 inches in diameter at their widest point. You also use a much smaller ball. It is about 4 inches in diameter and has no holes in it. You just hold it like a softball and roll it. The lane is about the same, but the rules are a little different. Since the kids weren't playing by the rules or really even care what the score was, I will leave it at that.

Anyway, we got her to the party and got her shoes to wear. Since she loves shoes, she liked that part. She was not happy though when they had to be returned. After that it was step onto a lane and roll a ball. She had a blast. She just kept rolling balls and knocking down pins. The bumpers in the gutters really helped.

She is still lacking in social skills. We know that and she has made great strides in the last year since starting at daycare and now at pre-school, but it still takes her a while to warm up to a situation. She needs one on one attention. She can't just join a crowd of kids and particpate. Hopefully we will have plenty more opportunities to help her build those skills.

Tomorrow is our monthly visit from her case worker. I am hoping she may have some news, but I doubt she will. In the meantime, we will persevere. There is not much else scheduled during this week. Next Saturday is "peek week" at Dance Class, and next Sunday is "cut down a Christmas tree" day so next weekend is looking like fun.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know we did