There really wasn't anything to worry about

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We met at a McDonalds on Saturday with all of (S)s brothers. We told her ahead of time that we were going to meet them there. She was very happy to hear that. She said it had been a long time since she had seen them. We compared them to her brother (B) who lives in Alabama and she doesn't see him very often either because he also doesn't live with us.

She seemed OK with that. She was certainly very happy to see her brothers, but I am not sure they were as comfortable as she was. Being older, they have a better idea of what is going on and they have all made it clear they do not want to go back to live with their parents. (S) of course doesn't know that is even a possibility. I am not so sure the boys feel secure in their position though.

It was enlightening talking with the other foster parents as well. It was nice to know that they all agree that the CW we are now dealing with is useless. Unfortunately that doesn't help the kids, but we all agreed that we need to deal with her supervisor whenever we want anything done right. We are not even real sure what happened in court. I think DW should call the CW's supervisor and see what she can find out about what happened there.(I know you read this dear so please take note). I would call myself, but with my work schedule it is difficult.

I am still in New Hampshire and when I left home today (S) cried again. She is liking me going less and less, but it is only a few more weeks and then I will be home for good. One last note.........


May is Foster Care month: Here are a few articles about it:

http://www.heartlandconnection.com/news/story.aspx?id=445780

http://www.trueinsightmarketing.com/news.cfm?newssel=13

http://providence.abc6.com/content/may-national-foster-care-month

http://www.dhr.state.al.us/page.asp?pageid=1204

Of course there are many more out there. This is certainly a good time for anyone who is thinking they might want to get involved in foster care to do just that. While I write about problems here, I also write about the wonderful times. DW and I have no idea what our life would be like now without (S). She is so much a part of our life and family. We love her so and can't imagine things any different. Nothing could ever be so bad as to cause us to regret getting involved in foster care, and I can assure you that the rewards are certainly worth any minor problems that might occur. Go for it!

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Sibling Visit

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The last time (S) met with any members of her family was last August. Over 8 months ago. At that time, the visit which included her Bio-parents caused her great distress and sent her backwards in development.

Tomorrow there will be the first sibling visit since that time. This was set up by the CW and I am sure it was something that was "ordered" by the court during the hearing a couple of weeks ago. We have talked with the therapist that (S) sees and she has been supportive of a visit, but I have to tell you, I am certainly worried about it.

It is not our intent to keep (S) away from her siblings either now or after adoption. They will always be a part of each other's life as all the adoptive parents are in agreement on that. I am just not sure that this is the right time. Then again, when would be the right time? I suppose the longer it gets put off, the worse it will be. My fear is that (S) will think this is a sign she is going back to her "other" family and that is something I am sure would cause her great distress. Something she certainly doesn't need at this point in her development.

I will let you know how it goes, but in the meantime, I will remain worried.

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On The Road Again

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The CW was over today for her monthly visit with (S). She says she is going to set up a visit with (S)s siblings for this Saturday. Of course she has been going to do that for the last 3 months. We will see if she actually does it this time. I think it probably will because...

We asked about the court hearing that occurred last week. It was just an update to the judge. The CW said the judge did ask why things weren't resolved yet, and she seemed unhappy that we were waiting on her colleagues to make a decision. After the CW told us that, she started asking questions about the adoption reference the home study, and the paperwork that she needs to fill out. She said she was going to get started on it. That tells me that she must be fairly confident that we will have things worked out soon. I have a feeling the judge asked about the sibling visits, and that is why she is gung ho about them. I am still at a wait and see posture on it though I am optimistic.

So maybe we are closer to an adoption, and maybe not. This is the way I see it.....

Life never quite goes the way you plan it. If it did, there would be an awful lot of cowboys, nurses, and policemen in the world, and not too many proctologists. After all, how many 7 year olds can even pronounce that?

So as we move through our life, things change and our plans change. As we go down each road, there are good things and bad things that we encounter. They all affect us in some way and cause us to take a different turn onto a different street. As long as we don't let the bad things turn into road blocks, there will always be good things ahead......And bad things....that is the way life is.


DW and I had been planning on retiring in a couple of years. Well, when (S)s parents were unable to make it through to reunification and the state sought the TPR, that was life changing for us and we started down a different road. We could have chosen to foster her until a forever family came along and still retire in a couple of years. Instead, we chose to become that forever family. A new road taken.

Unfortunately, it has been slow going. Apparently this road isn't paved and we got a flat tire somewhere along the way. Not a roadblock. I hope I am not reading too much into what the CW said and getting my hopes up too much, but I am feeling like our flat has been fixed and we are back on the road again.

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Saturday Visit

Today the foster parents of all of (S) siblings and us met with the children at the local Mickey Ds. This was the second visit since visits with bio mom and dad came to an abrupt end. The kids had a great time together in the playland and you could tell they really enjoy each others company. Thankfully though there are no tears when the visits are over. The rest of the group will be meeting again while we are away on our trip, but there will be another visit the Saturday after we return. It also happens to be the Saturday before the court hearing on the TPR.

All the boys look good and seem to be happy in their situations. The middle child (F) is with a single dad who has 3 other boys and he just loves it there. The two older boys have some problems, but they have a good place to be as does the youngest boy. We also found out that a daughter of the foster parents of the two older boys would be interested in adopting (S) if the time comes. Apparently she has two boys and is unable to have any more children. I don't know how old her 2 boys are, but it sounds like it might be a reasonable situation for (S).

We went sledding after the visit. I figured that since we are going away Thursday and won't be back until the end of March, it is unlikely that there will be enough snow in the front yard to do any sledding. That meant today and tomorrow are all the days that are left. She loves sledding. I love sledding with her. It really is a lot of fun. Even for a 50 something guy like myself.

Latre on in the day when we were home from out of the blue (S) said that Santa had delivered presents to her moms house. Then she said he also delivered presents to "our" house. DW and I just kind of looked at each other. She considers everything of ours to be hers as well. That is fine with us as we have always told our children what is ours is theirs. We never said that to (S), but we certainly act that way.

So now it is just another day wondering what (S) will think after a TPR and an adoption by someone other than us.