The Post I Didn't Think I Would be Writing

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(S)'s case worker called this afternoon. It seems that the judge denied the TPR. The state is filing for an emergency appeal, but in the meantime they have set up a visit with bio-mom this Friday and with bio-dad for next Friday. (S) and her brothers have not seen their bio parents in 8 months. I know that (S)'s therapist will be livid. There is no way that (S) should be visiting with her parents. This will lead to no sleeping again and probably reverse all the progress we have made in toilet training. Sunday she actually pooped in the toilet twice)

We told the case worker that we would not be a party to this nonsense and that they would have to make the travel arrangements. We were not going to take (S) or pick her up. We understand that DHHS has nothing to say about it and they are under a court order, but DW and I are both working on Friday and (S) will be at day care, so if they want there to be a visit, they will have to take care of the travel arrangements.

Apparently the judge feels like the mother and father are apart even though the state has information that it isn't the case. That is the reason for the emergency appeal. From the sounds of what the caseworker said, I don't think their appeal is going to be successful. The Guardian Ad Litem is also against this. I am sure (S)'s therapist will be writing a letter for the appeal, but again, I don't know if it will do any good.

In the meantime, any thought of adoption is obviously to be put on hold. There may not be any child to adopt. All I want is what is best for (S). If the good lord determines that she is better with her biological parents then with an adoptive family, then I can live with that, but if this additional attempt at reunification isn't going to work, then we need to make sure that this visit and future reunification efforts don't really mess things up for (S).

I am very concerned about the impact on (S). I also wonder why the state hasn't done anything to ensure that the visit is preceeded with some kind of therapy so that (S) has some explanation and maybe a little understanding for what is happening.

I know that judge was in the same courtroom that I was. I also know he is retiring in August. He must have already gone senile. There is no way he could have heard that testimony and reached this conclusion. If I go on writing about him, I am bound to use language that I shouldn't, so for now I will sign off. We see the caseworker on Thursday.

I am so disappointed in this system.

REUNIFICATION ON HOLD

(S) visited with her mom last Saturday, Monday and yesterday. Things seemed to be going well. Then this morning her case worker calls and says "PLEASE Tell me (S) is with you?!

Well she was at day care, but that was ok. We were then told that all visits were now on hold. That (S) would not be going to visit tomorrow or Saturday as previously scheduled. Tomorrow there was also a special session with both (S) and her mom and a therapist and that is to be cancelled.

Her case worker said we may have to testify in court, although I am not sure what for. She also asked if we were prepared to be in this for "the long haul" Since she has already been here for 13 months, and we were going to miss her terribly, that was a no brainer.

Now, am I a bad person for having some good feelings about this. Ultimately what is best is for the family to be together. For some reason the case worker has concerns about the safety of the children. We certainly want (S) to be safe. ........but safe with us would suit us better. I feel a little guilty about that. This is not supposed to be about me, it is supposed to be about (S). Am I being narcissistic? I hope not.

Our trip may not occur, or we may bring (S) with us. I was prepared (I thought) when we started doing foster care for it would be an up when we got a foster child and most likely a down when they left. This is far from a set of stairs though. This is more like being on Kingda Ka at Six Flags in New Jersey, and I hate roller coasters.

There is a family meeting next week, and I am sure we will learn more there if not earlier. Right now we are a little in the dark. Not sure what caused the call we got today. I will keep you all updated on what happens as we move forward.

By the way, (S) and I made snow angels today in the front yard. I hadn't done that in years. It is still a great time, and I think we both had a blast!

A Mother's Love

What a weekend this has been. On Friday I spoke with (S) case worker and she said nothing to me about a visitation for (S) with her parents. (S) and I went out and ran some errands and went to "Donalfries" (McDonalds) for lunch. We got home around around 2:30 and there is a message from the caseworker asking if (S) can visit with her family from 1-4. There were also 2 messages from (S) mom wanting to know why she wasn't there.

I called her mom and told her what had happened, and she said that (S) was supposed to be there next week on Monday Wednesday and Friday from 10am to 3pm. Still no word from the caseworker. So Saturday is a normal visitation so we were hopeful that the reunification worker would be there so we could talk with her. Unfortunately she wasn't. My lovely wife called her later in the day to find out what was going on. She confirmed that if it can be worked out that those are correct times for a visit for just (S) with none of her siblings. She is the youngest and probably has no memory of living with mom and dad so they want her to spend a lot of time alone with mom before she goes back to live with them.

My head wants to be as helpful as possible, but I think my heart is saying "if they want something let them take care of it. It is not your responsibility." The bottom line is my heart doesn't want her to leave even though I know it is best for her. I have no doubt that we can provide more materially for (S), but at the end of the day, there is no love like a mother's love and (S) needs to have that if at all possible. I just can't get away from the thought of her not being here. We are trying to plan a long road trip for after she is gone to kind of keep our mind off things, but I don't know if that will work.

Today I took (S) sledding in the front yard. We both had a blast, but we couldn't do it very long because the wind chills were below zero. I have to be in Florida from Monday through Wednesday so I promised her when I got back we would sled some more.

I just can't get my mind off her leaving. What do all of you good people out there recommend for a "tourist" in Ohio, Indianna, Tennessee, Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, New York, Pennsylvania, Missouri, and Illinois. That is where we are planning to go on our "planning" roadtrip. We hope it becomes a reality, and we hope it can be fun and get our minds off (S) but I know it won't work for long periods, but maybe a little at a time. We have to have something to do.

We plan on giving the case worker our cell phone number in case things don't work out and (S) needs to come back. I hate to have those thoughts, but I just can't help it. Like I said before, my head wants this to work for (S) and my heart wants to be selfish and keep her for ourselves.

Well, I am going to go play with (S) before she goes to bed. Everyone have a nice day.