*
This last week we met with our licensing worker and our case worker. It was the first time we had met with the licensing worker and the first time I had met the caseworker.
First was our licensing worker. He seemed like a nice enough guy and asked a number of questions for renewal of our foster care license. He was a little too serious for me, but that was ok, he is in a serious business I guess. It's just that he could have had a little more of a sense of humor. There are only two things we had left to do. First is to complete our required trianing. I have and I believe DW has as well.
The other problem we seem to have is with our water. We had a bad test on our well, so we had to pour cholorox into it to try to clean it out and then run water forever in order to make sure the water was potable. Now we have to retest it. I hope it is ok. If not we will probably try those pool tablets that have also been recommended.
Anyway, we have a couple of more weeks to compelte those things before our old license runs out, and the worker did say he could give us an extension if needed.
The new case worker showed up shortly after the licensing worker left. DW had met her last month but I wasn't there. I had purposely stayed home to do these meetings since I have to be away all the time now except most weekends.
The new case worker was ok. She said nothing that impressed nor anything that I thought was inappropriate. I think she is just as anxious to get the paperwork done as soon as the court process is complete as we are. Since all the kids are going to be staying with their foster parents as a permanency plan, the sooner she can get that done, the sooner she can get 5 more children off of her case load. As overworked as caseworkers are, getting rid of 5 children is something she will be very motivated to complete, I hope.
We don't have any more meetings scheduled at this time, and it is likely I wont be there for the next meeting anyway. I really hate not being there with DW and (S), but that is another post. Maybe the next one. In the meantime, I will just keep praying that the courts get done quickly so we can finally adopt (S).
*
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Although Sometimes It Doesn't
*
I just want to warn you that this post does not have to do with foster care or adoption. It also is not about the horrible events that have been going on in Haiti. While adoption and foster care have been at the forefront for me over the past 2 years, tonight there is something else on my mind, so please indulge me.
When I was around 8 years old I went on a hike with my 3 best friends at the time. We had been growing up together and the 4 of us were inseperable. 2 were brothers. The thirda one and I lived next door to each other. The hike was not unlike the one undertaken in the movie "Stand By Me" although it didn't last overnight. As a matter of fact it lasted for just a few hours but it was our first real trip away from our little block of suburbia that was home.
We climbed the hill behind the brother's house and went into the woods there. When we got to the next street, we climbed another hill and just kept going into the woods. We ended up in an area that was totally unfamiliar to us. It was another world. It was a new civilization. We had gone back in time and seen places where "indians" (I know that term may not be politically correct, but in 1963 it was where we were) lived and walked through civil war battlefields. (by the way, there was not a civil war battle within 1000 miles of where we lived). In our minds we had "Seen the world". In Truth...
We were never more than a mile or so from our homes, but it was an important mile for us and especially for the two brothers. They were never allowed to go very far from home, but on this occasion their parents were away and they had a babysitter who let them do things that they normally wouldn't have been allowed to do.
The story of that hike could be a book, but I tell you that just to give you an idea of how important we were to each other. As is common as we grew up we went our seperate ways. The odler brother went into the Coast Guard and didn't return home for 30 years. The younger brother got as far away form his parents as possible and never looked back. I went into the Army, then got married and had a wonderful family. The kid next door had some difficult times and might not be with us today if not for AA.
The older brother was the "leader" of our little pack. He was the oldest, although all of us were within 2 years of age of each other.
My friend from next door and I "found" each other about 8 months ago. We have seen each other a few times and have had dinner together and enjoyed reminiscing. Today for the first time three of us were together. We went to see the older brother in the nursing home he is in. I hadn't seen him for almost 40 years. He had a major heart problem and suffered from events that would have killed most people. He survived, but is not well. He suffered severe brain damage and is unable to speak or acknowledge anything. He can not eat and has been on a feeding tube for the last 2 years. He has a wonderful woman for a wife who is constantly by his side.
While you are never sure what he is thinking or even if he is thinking, he appears to be somewhat aware of his surroundings. We were all telling stories about life growing up and he would start to move his mouth as if he was trying to tell his side of the story and put his own two cents in. We talked about that day we went hiking and he had a change of expression as if he remembered it. He probably didn't, but it is nice to think that maybe he did.
At one point when we were talking about the old street there was a tear running down his cheek.
It was very difficult seeing him like that and while it is unlikely that he will ever be able to speak with us again we agreed we would go visit him together again. When it was time to leave, his wife took a picture of the three of us together. I have to get a copy of that picture.
I was worried about this visit for a while, but knew I had to do it. I am so glad I did. As I said, he was the leader of the pack. He was the strong one. If the earthquake in Haiti hasn't been enough of a reminder, he certainly is a reminder of how fragile life is; how important it is to enjoy what we have for as long as we can; and how important it is that we never forget those who are close to us.
Thank you for your indulgence. My next post wil be about our visit with our licensing worker and case worker this week.
*
I just want to warn you that this post does not have to do with foster care or adoption. It also is not about the horrible events that have been going on in Haiti. While adoption and foster care have been at the forefront for me over the past 2 years, tonight there is something else on my mind, so please indulge me.
When I was around 8 years old I went on a hike with my 3 best friends at the time. We had been growing up together and the 4 of us were inseperable. 2 were brothers. The thirda one and I lived next door to each other. The hike was not unlike the one undertaken in the movie "Stand By Me" although it didn't last overnight. As a matter of fact it lasted for just a few hours but it was our first real trip away from our little block of suburbia that was home.
We climbed the hill behind the brother's house and went into the woods there. When we got to the next street, we climbed another hill and just kept going into the woods. We ended up in an area that was totally unfamiliar to us. It was another world. It was a new civilization. We had gone back in time and seen places where "indians" (I know that term may not be politically correct, but in 1963 it was where we were) lived and walked through civil war battlefields. (by the way, there was not a civil war battle within 1000 miles of where we lived). In our minds we had "Seen the world". In Truth...
We were never more than a mile or so from our homes, but it was an important mile for us and especially for the two brothers. They were never allowed to go very far from home, but on this occasion their parents were away and they had a babysitter who let them do things that they normally wouldn't have been allowed to do.
The story of that hike could be a book, but I tell you that just to give you an idea of how important we were to each other. As is common as we grew up we went our seperate ways. The odler brother went into the Coast Guard and didn't return home for 30 years. The younger brother got as far away form his parents as possible and never looked back. I went into the Army, then got married and had a wonderful family. The kid next door had some difficult times and might not be with us today if not for AA.
The older brother was the "leader" of our little pack. He was the oldest, although all of us were within 2 years of age of each other.
My friend from next door and I "found" each other about 8 months ago. We have seen each other a few times and have had dinner together and enjoyed reminiscing. Today for the first time three of us were together. We went to see the older brother in the nursing home he is in. I hadn't seen him for almost 40 years. He had a major heart problem and suffered from events that would have killed most people. He survived, but is not well. He suffered severe brain damage and is unable to speak or acknowledge anything. He can not eat and has been on a feeding tube for the last 2 years. He has a wonderful woman for a wife who is constantly by his side.
While you are never sure what he is thinking or even if he is thinking, he appears to be somewhat aware of his surroundings. We were all telling stories about life growing up and he would start to move his mouth as if he was trying to tell his side of the story and put his own two cents in. We talked about that day we went hiking and he had a change of expression as if he remembered it. He probably didn't, but it is nice to think that maybe he did.
At one point when we were talking about the old street there was a tear running down his cheek.
It was very difficult seeing him like that and while it is unlikely that he will ever be able to speak with us again we agreed we would go visit him together again. When it was time to leave, his wife took a picture of the three of us together. I have to get a copy of that picture.
I was worried about this visit for a while, but knew I had to do it. I am so glad I did. As I said, he was the leader of the pack. He was the strong one. If the earthquake in Haiti hasn't been enough of a reminder, he certainly is a reminder of how fragile life is; how important it is to enjoy what we have for as long as we can; and how important it is that we never forget those who are close to us.
Thank you for your indulgence. My next post wil be about our visit with our licensing worker and case worker this week.
*
Monday, January 18, 2010
Did I Mention
*
It has been a long time since I have written. Life has been moving way too fast. I spend most of my time 4 hours away where I am working for the next few months. Last week however I had to go to New York City for business. I did get to see my wonderful niece who loves there though. Had dinner at a great little Mexican Restaurant called Rosa Mexicano.
I have been hone for the last few days and tomorrow I am back in New Hampshire. I will be there for 9 days before coming home again. I have had a lot of fun with (S) this trip. we have gone sledding every day and we laugh and ave a lot of fun. There was more snow today so the sledding is only getting better.
DW and (S) came to visit me in NH? last weekend. We went on a tour of the Budweiser Plant. That was very interesting. We ate at some nice places and we enjoyed spending our time together. The next time they come, will be the first weekend in Feb. The first Saturday of the month you can get pictures taken with the Clydesdales. I don't know if (S) will go for that or not, but we are going to try.
Ok so that pretty much gets you caught up on what has been happening. I am hoping to get to this more often now that I am settling in a little bit in NH. We will see. I can't make any promises though I will do the best I can. Tomorrow we have visits from our licensing person as our foster license is due to be renewed. We also have a visit from the new CW tomorrow. DW has met her but I haven't yet. I will have a report on how that goes tomorrow or Wednesday.
I guess that is about it.......Oh, wait......did I mention I am going to be a grandpa! (K) is due with our first grandchild in August.....omg (S) will be an aunt!!!
*
It has been a long time since I have written. Life has been moving way too fast. I spend most of my time 4 hours away where I am working for the next few months. Last week however I had to go to New York City for business. I did get to see my wonderful niece who loves there though. Had dinner at a great little Mexican Restaurant called Rosa Mexicano.
I have been hone for the last few days and tomorrow I am back in New Hampshire. I will be there for 9 days before coming home again. I have had a lot of fun with (S) this trip. we have gone sledding every day and we laugh and ave a lot of fun. There was more snow today so the sledding is only getting better.
DW and (S) came to visit me in NH? last weekend. We went on a tour of the Budweiser Plant. That was very interesting. We ate at some nice places and we enjoyed spending our time together. The next time they come, will be the first weekend in Feb. The first Saturday of the month you can get pictures taken with the Clydesdales. I don't know if (S) will go for that or not, but we are going to try.
Ok so that pretty much gets you caught up on what has been happening. I am hoping to get to this more often now that I am settling in a little bit in NH. We will see. I can't make any promises though I will do the best I can. Tomorrow we have visits from our licensing person as our foster license is due to be renewed. We also have a visit from the new CW tomorrow. DW has met her but I haven't yet. I will have a report on how that goes tomorrow or Wednesday.
I guess that is about it.......Oh, wait......did I mention I am going to be a grandpa! (K) is due with our first grandchild in August.....omg (S) will be an aunt!!!
*
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Decisions
*
There are a few different kinds of decisions you make in life.
The first is the decision you make on the fly. You have no time to think about it, you make it and you follow through with it because you must. Sometimes you look back and think about the decision you made. Either it was right or wrong, or you think about what might have happened if you had made a different decision. No matter what it is, you don't lose much sleep over it and move on. These are the decisions like whether or not you go left or right to avoid that car stopped in the roadway that you didn't see until it was too late. I have made this type of decision many times.
The next kind of decision is the simple one you don't think a lot about and never look back on it one way or another. These are the decisions like getting up in the morning and choosing to have Frosted Flakes for breakfast instead of Corn Flakes. Granted, not very important, but a type of decision none the less. I have made this type of decision many times.
Then there is the decision you take a long time to think about. You weigh all the options. You may even write down the pros and cons on either side of a piece of paper and you make an educated decision based on all the facts as you have them. This is the decision like whether or not you can afford to buy that new car or should wait a few months. I have made this type of decision many times.
There is also the decision that you make about something that will happen sometime in the future and since there is time to change your mind, you continually think about it. You hem and haw (where did that phrase come from anyway?) and you may change your mind numerous times before you reach the final decision sometime close to the date when you must. High School seniors are facing these types of decisions now. They get accepted to a school and decide they want to go there, but they have a few more colleges to hear from and they don't have to make a final decision until May when the deposits have to be sent in. They may change their mind and have many different decisions made between now and that magic date in May. I have made this type of decision many times.
Then there is the decision you make in advance of some future date and never look back. You are comfortable with your decision and don't even give it a second thought even though you may have months to consider it. I came to the realization today that DW and I made that type of decision for the first time I can recall this past summer.
That was the decision to adopt (S).
Ever since we made the decision that we would adopt (S) we have never looked back once. There has been absolutely no discussion except about how excited we are that it is going to happen and it can't happen soon enough for us. I don't ever remember being this comfortable with a decision. While we took a long time to make the decision and went through an extensive process to make that decision, the decision has been made and we can't wait.
So if anyone was wondering, there is no question as to this being the right decision at the right time for all the right reasons. While I never thought about it before today, having come to that realization is quite comforting.
*
There are a few different kinds of decisions you make in life.
The first is the decision you make on the fly. You have no time to think about it, you make it and you follow through with it because you must. Sometimes you look back and think about the decision you made. Either it was right or wrong, or you think about what might have happened if you had made a different decision. No matter what it is, you don't lose much sleep over it and move on. These are the decisions like whether or not you go left or right to avoid that car stopped in the roadway that you didn't see until it was too late. I have made this type of decision many times.
The next kind of decision is the simple one you don't think a lot about and never look back on it one way or another. These are the decisions like getting up in the morning and choosing to have Frosted Flakes for breakfast instead of Corn Flakes. Granted, not very important, but a type of decision none the less. I have made this type of decision many times.
Then there is the decision you take a long time to think about. You weigh all the options. You may even write down the pros and cons on either side of a piece of paper and you make an educated decision based on all the facts as you have them. This is the decision like whether or not you can afford to buy that new car or should wait a few months. I have made this type of decision many times.
There is also the decision that you make about something that will happen sometime in the future and since there is time to change your mind, you continually think about it. You hem and haw (where did that phrase come from anyway?) and you may change your mind numerous times before you reach the final decision sometime close to the date when you must. High School seniors are facing these types of decisions now. They get accepted to a school and decide they want to go there, but they have a few more colleges to hear from and they don't have to make a final decision until May when the deposits have to be sent in. They may change their mind and have many different decisions made between now and that magic date in May. I have made this type of decision many times.
Then there is the decision you make in advance of some future date and never look back. You are comfortable with your decision and don't even give it a second thought even though you may have months to consider it. I came to the realization today that DW and I made that type of decision for the first time I can recall this past summer.
That was the decision to adopt (S).
Ever since we made the decision that we would adopt (S) we have never looked back once. There has been absolutely no discussion except about how excited we are that it is going to happen and it can't happen soon enough for us. I don't ever remember being this comfortable with a decision. While we took a long time to make the decision and went through an extensive process to make that decision, the decision has been made and we can't wait.
So if anyone was wondering, there is no question as to this being the right decision at the right time for all the right reasons. While I never thought about it before today, having come to that realization is quite comforting.
*
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Mystery Mansion reappears
*
The Mystery Mansion is striking again.
We have a new CW and she is not very reliable. We may have been spoiled by our original CW for (S), as she was with us for 2 years. Now we have one that doesnt seem to really care all that much. I am beginning to wonder if it is because the case has been through the family court, the TPR has been granted and we have decided to adopt (S).
Unfortunately I have been away and not had the opportunity to meet her. She wants to meet me, but we have called a couple of times and she never returns our calls. Monday I am going to call her supervisor and see what is going on. The supervisor happens to be the one who called us originally to take (S) 2 years ago and she has been following the ase since. I know she is happy that we are going to adopt (S) so hopefully she will give us some assistnace in taking care of these issues.
We also need to renew our foster license and the person who handles that is also impossible to get a hold of. I know we have been approved as an adoptive resource so all of that is taken care of, but no one seems to have a lot of answers for us. Additionally, mom and dad have appealed the TPR and I am not sure DHHS wants to do anything until after the appeal is decided. We have been told by numerous people that the appeal will not change anything, it will just delay things. That is too bad because we are hoping to have everything completed before (S) starts school in September. We also want tog et her a passport in case we want to go out of the cvountry, but wee can't do that until after an adoption is complete.
We have heard that the DHHS is not all that helpful when we get to this part of the process and after adoption. As a result, we are going to hire a lawyer to make sure all our bases are covered. DHHS is just looking out for the child which is as we would want it, but we need to make sure we look out for ourselves and we get the needed paperwork in a timely manner once the adoption goes through.
Right now we are just keeping our fingers crossed. Until the adoption is final and everything is settled. I think this is going to be a very stressful time.
The Mystery Mansion is striking again.
We have a new CW and she is not very reliable. We may have been spoiled by our original CW for (S), as she was with us for 2 years. Now we have one that doesnt seem to really care all that much. I am beginning to wonder if it is because the case has been through the family court, the TPR has been granted and we have decided to adopt (S).
Unfortunately I have been away and not had the opportunity to meet her. She wants to meet me, but we have called a couple of times and she never returns our calls. Monday I am going to call her supervisor and see what is going on. The supervisor happens to be the one who called us originally to take (S) 2 years ago and she has been following the ase since. I know she is happy that we are going to adopt (S) so hopefully she will give us some assistnace in taking care of these issues.
We also need to renew our foster license and the person who handles that is also impossible to get a hold of. I know we have been approved as an adoptive resource so all of that is taken care of, but no one seems to have a lot of answers for us. Additionally, mom and dad have appealed the TPR and I am not sure DHHS wants to do anything until after the appeal is decided. We have been told by numerous people that the appeal will not change anything, it will just delay things. That is too bad because we are hoping to have everything completed before (S) starts school in September. We also want tog et her a passport in case we want to go out of the cvountry, but wee can't do that until after an adoption is complete.
We have heard that the DHHS is not all that helpful when we get to this part of the process and after adoption. As a result, we are going to hire a lawyer to make sure all our bases are covered. DHHS is just looking out for the child which is as we would want it, but we need to make sure we look out for ourselves and we get the needed paperwork in a timely manner once the adoption goes through.
Right now we are just keeping our fingers crossed. Until the adoption is final and everything is settled. I think this is going to be a very stressful time.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I Had a Question
and that question was: "What was in that part of my heart that (S) now occupies?" I never felt like anything was missing from my life. DW and I were happy and content. We had three grown children who were all out in the world on their own and doing well. While it was a struggle at times, there was never anything missing from our life. But now that (S) has come into our family, I know there would be a huge emptiness in my heart if she were to leave. I don’t feel any less about anyone that was already in my life. (S) takes up just as much space as my three biological children and I feel just as strongly about her as I do them. I want her to grow up and have just as wonderful a life as possible, just like I hope for my biological children.
There were more questions that naturally followed the original...
So how does that work anyway? When do you run out of places in your heart to put people? Do you ever? If there isn’t anything missing, how can something find a place into your heart? If there wasn't a hole to begin with, why is there one when someone is gone?
I think I have come up with the answer. While I am not a philosopher by any stretch of the imagination and my college philosophy grades will prove that, I now believe the following:
There is never a hole in your heart, there are just spaces that are available for tangible(i.e. people) and intangible (i.e. religion) things to occupy. Those spaces are currently occupied with your own love. Things only occupy those areas of your heart if you open it up to them. Someone or something has to be very special for you to open up your heart, and when you do, you give some of your love to them. That creates the space that is then devoted to them forever. No one can ever take their place in that spot. Other spaces will be made available as new people come into your life and you give of your love to them, but ultimately the space given to someone is thiers forever. When they are gone, is when there is that empty feeling that never really goes away. You may get used to it after a while but it never really goes away.
A lost child can not be replaced with a newborn, nor can a lost spouse be replaced with a new spouse. You can just open up another area of your heart and let more of your love out. It is certainly risky business. The more you open up your heart and the more love you let out, the more susceptible you are to having empty spaces. So....back to the beginning. If you have no empty space in your heart, how is there room to add someone into it?
You make the room in your heart by giving of some of your love for that person to put into their heart. It is really quite simple. As the Beatles said:
"And in the end
The love you take
is equal to the love you make"
Thank you for indulging me in my little rambling
*
There were more questions that naturally followed the original...
So how does that work anyway? When do you run out of places in your heart to put people? Do you ever? If there isn’t anything missing, how can something find a place into your heart? If there wasn't a hole to begin with, why is there one when someone is gone?
I think I have come up with the answer. While I am not a philosopher by any stretch of the imagination and my college philosophy grades will prove that, I now believe the following:
There is never a hole in your heart, there are just spaces that are available for tangible(i.e. people) and intangible (i.e. religion) things to occupy. Those spaces are currently occupied with your own love. Things only occupy those areas of your heart if you open it up to them. Someone or something has to be very special for you to open up your heart, and when you do, you give some of your love to them. That creates the space that is then devoted to them forever. No one can ever take their place in that spot. Other spaces will be made available as new people come into your life and you give of your love to them, but ultimately the space given to someone is thiers forever. When they are gone, is when there is that empty feeling that never really goes away. You may get used to it after a while but it never really goes away.
A lost child can not be replaced with a newborn, nor can a lost spouse be replaced with a new spouse. You can just open up another area of your heart and let more of your love out. It is certainly risky business. The more you open up your heart and the more love you let out, the more susceptible you are to having empty spaces. So....back to the beginning. If you have no empty space in your heart, how is there room to add someone into it?
You make the room in your heart by giving of some of your love for that person to put into their heart. It is really quite simple. As the Beatles said:
"And in the end
The love you take
is equal to the love you make"
Thank you for indulging me in my little rambling
*
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas Pictures
Apparently Rudolph dropped some of his bells when he was leaving our house. All the reindeer really made a mess of the carrots that (S) left for them.
*
Of course we are hoping this is our last Christmas as (S)s foster parents. Next Christmas there will be more to see in our pictures, but for this year, this will have to do. There were plenty of goodies, and some were a little too heavy, but at the end of the day, she managed to get them all open.
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