Scared Stage....It's All Worthwhile

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So last night I put Shy to bed. It was only about 10 minutes later when she came out to the living room and said she was scared. Of course we asked her what she was afraid of and she responded with "I don't know, I am just scared"

We tried to make her feel better saying that we were here and there was nothing to be scared of. She wasn't buying it. She just kept saying she was scared and didn't want to be alone in her bedroom. No matter what we said, it wasn't helping.

She wanted to be with an "adult" as she put it.

We tried for about 10 minutes to get her to go back to bed, but she kept telling us she was scared and didn't know what she was scared of. When she started to cry and it looked like she was going to get hysterical, we said that she could lie down on the couch next to mommy and fall asleep.

She was good with that, and indeed fell asleep. In only about 10 minutes. It was certainly easier to let her fall asleep there then it was to try to get her back into bed. Whether or not we will pay for that with a future desire to fall asleep with us remains to be seen.

As regular readers know, it has always been an issue with Shy to fall asleep in her own bed. She spent a long time where she would not stay in her room at all and would not fall asleep at all. She would stay awake until DW and I went to bed and then come into our room. She would not stay in her room and fall asleep there no matter what. We finally got through that stage and have been "blessed" with her appearance on a random basis. Sometimes going weeks without seeing her in our room to stretches of three days in a row where we would wake up with her asleep in our bed.

Last night, however was the first time she came out while we were still up and was saying she was scared but didn't know of what. When talking to a fellow worker, she has started with the same issue with her little girl who is about the same age as Shy. Fortunately for them, there is an older sister and that is where the younger girl chooses to go.

I guess it is just a stage that we will have to endure. We shall see how often it comes up that she has to fall asleep in the living room with us. On the other side of the coin, when I carried her into her bedroom, she did wake up when I laid her down. She didn't ask to get up and come back with us, and in fact, didn't' get up the rest of the night. She did turn to me as I was leaving the room and say:

"Daddy, um, er, will you, um, um, will you tell mommy, um, please just tell mommy that
I love her."

Somehow that makes it all worthwhile.

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I Had a Question

and that question was: "What was in that part of my heart that (S) now occupies?" I never felt like anything was missing from my life. DW and I were happy and content. We had three grown children who were all out in the world on their own and doing well. While it was a struggle at times, there was never anything missing from our life. But now that (S) has come into our family, I know there would be a huge emptiness in my heart if she were to leave. I don’t feel any less about anyone that was already in my life. (S) takes up just as much space as my three biological children and I feel just as strongly about her as I do them. I want her to grow up and have just as wonderful a life as possible, just like I hope for my biological children.

There were more questions that naturally followed the original...

So how does that work anyway? When do you run out of places in your heart to put people? Do you ever? If there isn’t anything missing, how can something find a place into your heart? If there wasn't a hole to begin with, why is there one when someone is gone?

I think I have come up with the answer. While I am not a philosopher by any stretch of the imagination and my college philosophy grades will prove that, I now believe the following:

There is never a hole in your heart, there are just spaces that are available for tangible(i.e. people) and intangible (i.e. religion) things to occupy. Those spaces are currently occupied with your own love. Things only occupy those areas of your heart if you open it up to them. Someone or something has to be very special for you to open up your heart, and when you do, you give some of your love to them. That creates the space that is then devoted to them forever. No one can ever take their place in that spot. Other spaces will be made available as new people come into your life and you give of your love to them, but ultimately the space given to someone is thiers forever. When they are gone, is when there is that empty feeling that never really goes away. You may get used to it after a while but it never really goes away.

A lost child can not be replaced with a newborn, nor can a lost spouse be replaced with a new spouse. You can just open up another area of your heart and let more of your love out. It is certainly risky business. The more you open up your heart and the more love you let out, the more susceptible you are to having empty spaces. So....back to the beginning. If you have no empty space in your heart, how is there room to add someone into it?

You make the room in your heart by giving of some of your love for that person to put into their heart. It is really quite simple. As the Beatles said:

"And in the end
The love you take
is equal to the love you make"

Thank you for indulging me in my little rambling

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