I just wish I knew how to get a picture from my phone to the computer and I could put it up on this blog, but since I can't put it on the blog anyway, I guess it is just as well. So what is the picture of?
(S) in her flower girl dress. Her hands on her hips and showing quite a bit of attitude. It is an absolutely wonderful picture.
We went to David's Bridal today to look at and try on Flower Girl dresses for (S). The dress that (K) picked out has a shoulder strap on each side, it has a high waist and the bottom of the dress "poofs" (if that is a word) out so that when (S) spins around it looks so big and beautiful just like a Priness Dress. Unfortunately, she didn't know when to stop spinning and she got herself a little dizzy. The dress she tried on was green, but the one that was ordered was lilac to match the bridesmaids gowns. She will wear silver shoes with it and have a flowered tiara and a basket to throw flowers at the wedding.
(S) was thrilled and can't wait to get the dress. The trick will be keeping her out of it until the wedding in June.
When (S) came to us the Drs considered her a failure to thrive baby so we knew she was small. She is now almost 3 1/2 years old and we got her a size 2T. It is a little big, but we are hoping she will grow into it by June. It won't matter though because she looks adorable anyway. I just hope she doesn't steal the show from the bride. After all, it will be (K)s day.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sometimes I Have a Great Idea
The supervisor at the Mystery Mansion called me back today. She says that since they are in the middle of reunification 3 weeks is too long to take (S) out of town. HUH?........... They stopped reunification and filed paperwork to begin TPR proceedings.
Oh, but the supervisor says that until there is actually a TPR order they are officially still in the process of reunification. That reunification has been court ordered and they really don't have a choice.'............. OK so then if I get the judge to say it is ok, then we will be fine?........ She says no. The judge doesn't tell us what to do. HUH?....... Is this supervisor a moron?........ The name Mystery Mansion is sounding more and more appropriate.
Well, there is nothing she can do. Her hands are tied and she is not going to allow us to take (S) out of state for 3 weeks while the reunification process is still underway........... At this point it was obvious she was going to remain obstinate and continuing the conversation was just going to cause me more grief and agravation.
So here was my great idea. I called the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem). Now he came to see (S) the day after she came to our house over 13 months ago. We have had virtually no contact with him and we haven't really needed anything from him. However, I thought that he may be able to help.
When I told him what was going on he couldn't believe that they wouldn't let (S) go. He said that he is the advocate for the children and since the caseworker is on our side and it is the supervisor that says no, he will talk with the supervisor. He said if neccesary he could also talk to the judge. I told him that the supervisor said the judge couldn't tell them what to do........he laughed.........He did not make any promises, but he did sound optimistic that he would be able to help.
We aren't making any reservations yet, but we are feeling a little better.
One item of note: During the conversation he said there was no way if he had anything to say about it that he was going to allow those kids to go back with their parents. It is still astounding to me when they were so close to getting their kids back. I don't think this whole process will ever cease to amaze me.
Oh, but the supervisor says that until there is actually a TPR order they are officially still in the process of reunification. That reunification has been court ordered and they really don't have a choice.'............. OK so then if I get the judge to say it is ok, then we will be fine?........ She says no. The judge doesn't tell us what to do. HUH?....... Is this supervisor a moron?........ The name Mystery Mansion is sounding more and more appropriate.
Well, there is nothing she can do. Her hands are tied and she is not going to allow us to take (S) out of state for 3 weeks while the reunification process is still underway........... At this point it was obvious she was going to remain obstinate and continuing the conversation was just going to cause me more grief and agravation.
So here was my great idea. I called the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem). Now he came to see (S) the day after she came to our house over 13 months ago. We have had virtually no contact with him and we haven't really needed anything from him. However, I thought that he may be able to help.
When I told him what was going on he couldn't believe that they wouldn't let (S) go. He said that he is the advocate for the children and since the caseworker is on our side and it is the supervisor that says no, he will talk with the supervisor. He said if neccesary he could also talk to the judge. I told him that the supervisor said the judge couldn't tell them what to do........he laughed.........He did not make any promises, but he did sound optimistic that he would be able to help.
We aren't making any reservations yet, but we are feeling a little better.
One item of note: During the conversation he said there was no way if he had anything to say about it that he was going to allow those kids to go back with their parents. It is still astounding to me when they were so close to getting their kids back. I don't think this whole process will ever cease to amaze me.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Why Call It the "Mystery Mansion"?
The DHHS building must have at least 50 rooms. It has to have quite a few bathrooms. There are about 5 different play rooms and there is a grand entrance that you have to wait just inside the door until such time as you are called/announced. There are janitors to clean up and maintanence people to fix anything that might break. ..............If that doesn't describe a mansion, I don't know what does.
There are some areas that you need to have a special badge to get into as they are always locked. You also have to have your ID on. The building must be closed up by 5:00pm, but there is a special door out back where domestic agents and other spies are allowed special access. They make their decisions and refuse to give reasons for their decisions other than vague references that make no sense at all. .....................That all seems a bit mysterious to me.
Hence the name "Mystery Mansion"
Today we were told by our case worker that her supervisor said we can't take (S) out of state for 3 weeks, we can take her for 1 week. Well, I don't know if she is aware of how long a drive it is from New England to Oklahoma but how we are going to go there, visit the cities we want to visit and retun in one week is certainly a mystery to me. The only explanation she gave is it wouldn't be good to be gone that long considering "where we are in the case".....so where are we? We don't have that answer. It is another mystery. The supervisor wouldn't even give us the courtesy of telling us herself. She had our case worker tell us. I have a call into her but needless to say, she has not returned my call yet.
The people in the "Mystery Mansion" are always begging, pleading, and otherwise conniving to get foster parents and then they pull these kind of stunts. Well, we aren't going to hurt (S) at this point, but we are going to fight this decision. There is a court hearing the week after next (February 2nd) . It is my intent, if the supervisor leaves me unsatisfied, to ask to address the judge and personally ask him and explain why it would be best for (S) if we took this trip with her as opposed to without her. Can you do that? I don't know, but I will check if needed.
In the meantime, (S) is still sick and has been miserable. She has been on antibiotic for 2 days now but still not feeling well. We will probably take her back to the doctor tomorrow.
She had a short visit with mom, dad, and her brothers at the Mystery Mansion today. It was very closely supervised, and all future visits will be very closely supervised but at a different location. It would appear they are staring from scratch again, but I don't think they are going to get very far.
If I sound upset it is because I am. We were planning on taking (S) to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. To an indoor water park. To see the St, Louis Arch. To see the cowboy Hall of Fame and Museum. To see the Vulcan Statue in Birmingham. Visit the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville and of course the Graceland in Memphis. She loves ribs, so we would be stopping and having ribs somewhere along or near Beale St. The Trolley Museum in Fort Smith and a zoo, either Oklahoma City, or Erie. Now some of those places (S) probably doesn't care much about, but she was really looking forward to seeing a "Cowboyzeum" and going to a zoo as she has never been to a zoo before. I think she would love going for the ride up in the St. Louis Arch, and she loves our son (B) who lives in birmingham and was looking forward to getting to see him before the wedding. (He always has gifts for her). She can't get enough time at the beach and since we haven't been since September, the water park would have been wonderful.
Hopefully either the supervisor, her supervisor or the judge will find it in their heart to actually do what is best for (S) and approve our trip.
There are some areas that you need to have a special badge to get into as they are always locked. You also have to have your ID on. The building must be closed up by 5:00pm, but there is a special door out back where domestic agents and other spies are allowed special access. They make their decisions and refuse to give reasons for their decisions other than vague references that make no sense at all. .....................That all seems a bit mysterious to me.
Hence the name "Mystery Mansion"
Today we were told by our case worker that her supervisor said we can't take (S) out of state for 3 weeks, we can take her for 1 week. Well, I don't know if she is aware of how long a drive it is from New England to Oklahoma but how we are going to go there, visit the cities we want to visit and retun in one week is certainly a mystery to me. The only explanation she gave is it wouldn't be good to be gone that long considering "where we are in the case".....so where are we? We don't have that answer. It is another mystery. The supervisor wouldn't even give us the courtesy of telling us herself. She had our case worker tell us. I have a call into her but needless to say, she has not returned my call yet.
The people in the "Mystery Mansion" are always begging, pleading, and otherwise conniving to get foster parents and then they pull these kind of stunts. Well, we aren't going to hurt (S) at this point, but we are going to fight this decision. There is a court hearing the week after next (February 2nd) . It is my intent, if the supervisor leaves me unsatisfied, to ask to address the judge and personally ask him and explain why it would be best for (S) if we took this trip with her as opposed to without her. Can you do that? I don't know, but I will check if needed.
In the meantime, (S) is still sick and has been miserable. She has been on antibiotic for 2 days now but still not feeling well. We will probably take her back to the doctor tomorrow.
She had a short visit with mom, dad, and her brothers at the Mystery Mansion today. It was very closely supervised, and all future visits will be very closely supervised but at a different location. It would appear they are staring from scratch again, but I don't think they are going to get very far.
If I sound upset it is because I am. We were planning on taking (S) to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. To an indoor water park. To see the St, Louis Arch. To see the cowboy Hall of Fame and Museum. To see the Vulcan Statue in Birmingham. Visit the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville and of course the Graceland in Memphis. She loves ribs, so we would be stopping and having ribs somewhere along or near Beale St. The Trolley Museum in Fort Smith and a zoo, either Oklahoma City, or Erie. Now some of those places (S) probably doesn't care much about, but she was really looking forward to seeing a "Cowboyzeum" and going to a zoo as she has never been to a zoo before. I think she would love going for the ride up in the St. Louis Arch, and she loves our son (B) who lives in birmingham and was looking forward to getting to see him before the wedding. (He always has gifts for her). She can't get enough time at the beach and since we haven't been since September, the water park would have been wonderful.
Hopefully either the supervisor, her supervisor or the judge will find it in their heart to actually do what is best for (S) and approve our trip.
The "Mystery Mansion"
........................
That is my new name for DHHS. They told DW no.......more to follow later when I get a chance to digest this and speak to them myself. (not that it will do any good)
........
........
That is my new name for DHHS. They told DW no.......more to follow later when I get a chance to digest this and speak to them myself. (not that it will do any good)
........
........
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Two Ear Infections and Dad is Leaving Town
It has been another one of those days......(S) was up most of last night. At one point she was so hot you could feel the heat coming off of her. We debated taking her to the emergency room but figured we were better off just waiting a couple of hours and taking her to the Dr's office. She has two ear infections and is now taking an antibiotic. We are hopeful she will feel better soon. She wasn't hungry tonight and didn't eat any dinner and now she fell asleep on the chair in the den. She looks so peacful sleeping in the chair.
So, that is the two ear infections....now onto Dad.
Tonight was phone call night to mom and dad, although the last two times dad was not available. First he was in jail and second he was in the psychiatric hospital........Mom didn't answer the phone but then called back. She said that Dad was leaving the state because she "weren't gonna lose her kids cause of him".
There are 5 siblings 4 are boys and then (S). They range in age from 12 to 3. This woman is not well. She has had multiple medical conditions and is constantly at the hospital or on some medication the keeps her from driving....In other words, we dont see any way she will be able to care for the 5 kids herself.
At firrst blush we think that the dad leaving is just a ploy so maybe she can get the kids back and then she will leave the state and join him and our state will have nothing to say about them anymore. I think the case worker and others at the DHHS are just as capable of seeing that but it will really become up to a judge to make that determination and you never know what they are going to say.
We again feel like everything is up in the air. That hasn't stopped us from making plans now though for (S) to be flower girl at the wedding......Oh I don't think I mentioned that here before.
(K) is getting married in June. We originally thought that (S) wouldn't be here, but now that we think she will be here (K) wants her to be her flower girl. As a result, we are headed to a David's Bridal this weekend to get her a "bootful" dress to wear.
We spoke to the case worker today and she told us we would have an answer about the trip on Thursday. I just wish we knew better how dad leaving town will affect everything, if at all. We were under the impression that initially the problem was with both of them not just the dad and of course, we get so little information about what happened to begin with. I guess we really don't have a "need" to know, but you would think they would be a little more transparent with how they operate instead of making themselves out to be some underground fraternity with secret handshakes and special code words.
I would be remiss if I made no mention of today's historic events. During his inaugural speech President Obama talked about the spirit of service. Foster parenting is one of the choices I make to serve and many of you reading this blog have also chosen that way to serve our nation and since no one says it enough, I say to all of you....Thank you for what you do.
So, that is the two ear infections....now onto Dad.
Tonight was phone call night to mom and dad, although the last two times dad was not available. First he was in jail and second he was in the psychiatric hospital........Mom didn't answer the phone but then called back. She said that Dad was leaving the state because she "weren't gonna lose her kids cause of him".
There are 5 siblings 4 are boys and then (S). They range in age from 12 to 3. This woman is not well. She has had multiple medical conditions and is constantly at the hospital or on some medication the keeps her from driving....In other words, we dont see any way she will be able to care for the 5 kids herself.
At firrst blush we think that the dad leaving is just a ploy so maybe she can get the kids back and then she will leave the state and join him and our state will have nothing to say about them anymore. I think the case worker and others at the DHHS are just as capable of seeing that but it will really become up to a judge to make that determination and you never know what they are going to say.
We again feel like everything is up in the air. That hasn't stopped us from making plans now though for (S) to be flower girl at the wedding......Oh I don't think I mentioned that here before.
(K) is getting married in June. We originally thought that (S) wouldn't be here, but now that we think she will be here (K) wants her to be her flower girl. As a result, we are headed to a David's Bridal this weekend to get her a "bootful" dress to wear.
We spoke to the case worker today and she told us we would have an answer about the trip on Thursday. I just wish we knew better how dad leaving town will affect everything, if at all. We were under the impression that initially the problem was with both of them not just the dad and of course, we get so little information about what happened to begin with. I guess we really don't have a "need" to know, but you would think they would be a little more transparent with how they operate instead of making themselves out to be some underground fraternity with secret handshakes and special code words.
I would be remiss if I made no mention of today's historic events. During his inaugural speech President Obama talked about the spirit of service. Foster parenting is one of the choices I make to serve and many of you reading this blog have also chosen that way to serve our nation and since no one says it enough, I say to all of you....Thank you for what you do.
Monday, January 19, 2009
When do you Feel Like You Belong?
Tonight DW and I went to a meeting at DHHS. It was open to foster parents and was billed as part support group and part training. Since we need to keep up with training and this was free and convenient we decided to attend. (K) agreed to look after (S) for us so we went out to dinner alone before hand. (we don't get too do that very often!)
There were about fifteen people there. It seemed like most of them had been involved in the system for a long time. They knew all sorts of acronyms I never heard of and talked about all kinds of programs I never knew existed. I didn't want to look stupid so I just sat there listened and kept my mouth shut. (You know that famous quote "It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.")
So anyway as I sat there and they all talked and asked questions My mind started to wander a little bit. It may have been that adult ADD but in any event that is when I asked myself the above question.
Now, we have been involved with the system for a little over a year and a half. First going through the process of training and getting licensed and now being a foster parent to (S) for a little over 13 months. Why do I feel like I am in the second grade and all these other people have their doctorate. It is not like I don't care and haven't tried to learn as much as possible. I do.
There is another one of these next month and there may be more. I don't know if I want to go back though. While the training is good and may become relevant at some time in the future I hate feeling like an outsider in a system I am so involved with. Does anyone else feel that way? If not, when did you start to feel a part of the system?
There were about fifteen people there. It seemed like most of them had been involved in the system for a long time. They knew all sorts of acronyms I never heard of and talked about all kinds of programs I never knew existed. I didn't want to look stupid so I just sat there listened and kept my mouth shut. (You know that famous quote "It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.")
So anyway as I sat there and they all talked and asked questions My mind started to wander a little bit. It may have been that adult ADD but in any event that is when I asked myself the above question.
Now, we have been involved with the system for a little over a year and a half. First going through the process of training and getting licensed and now being a foster parent to (S) for a little over 13 months. Why do I feel like I am in the second grade and all these other people have their doctorate. It is not like I don't care and haven't tried to learn as much as possible. I do.
There is another one of these next month and there may be more. I don't know if I want to go back though. While the training is good and may become relevant at some time in the future I hate feeling like an outsider in a system I am so involved with. Does anyone else feel that way? If not, when did you start to feel a part of the system?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Trip Plans
We were planning our trip figuring that (S) would be back home with Bio-Mom. Now we are planning our trip with (S) and just hoping that her case worker will allow us to take her all over the place for 3 weeks.
I have to go to Oklahoma for 10 days. We figured to drive and make a road trip out of it. Thought that would be fun. First thing we will have to do is get a Portable DVD player for (S) and maybe a GPS for us.
Our plan is to try and visit places either on the way there or the way back. They are all cities that we have never been to together and that is how we picked them out. It will certainly make the trip a little longer but that is the fun of a road trip. Here they are:
Buffalo, Syracuse, Erie, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Louisville, Nashville, Birmingham, Memphis, Little Rock, St. Louis, Kansas City, and maybe Chicago although that seems out of the way no matter what we do.
We have taken (S) out of state before with permission, but this is a long trip and we are going a lot further. The case worker was not sure since the case is in the middle of beginning the TPR. She was going to ask her supervisor. We would really like to take this trip and we think (S) would have a ball!!
If anyone has any ideas about particular sites to see or things to do in any of those cities that would be good for a 3 1/2 year old we would appreciate it. In the meantime, we will be keeping our fingers crossed and hoping that the case worker allows the trip.
I have to go to Oklahoma for 10 days. We figured to drive and make a road trip out of it. Thought that would be fun. First thing we will have to do is get a Portable DVD player for (S) and maybe a GPS for us.
Our plan is to try and visit places either on the way there or the way back. They are all cities that we have never been to together and that is how we picked them out. It will certainly make the trip a little longer but that is the fun of a road trip. Here they are:
Buffalo, Syracuse, Erie, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Louisville, Nashville, Birmingham, Memphis, Little Rock, St. Louis, Kansas City, and maybe Chicago although that seems out of the way no matter what we do.
We have taken (S) out of state before with permission, but this is a long trip and we are going a lot further. The case worker was not sure since the case is in the middle of beginning the TPR. She was going to ask her supervisor. We would really like to take this trip and we think (S) would have a ball!!
If anyone has any ideas about particular sites to see or things to do in any of those cities that would be good for a 3 1/2 year old we would appreciate it. In the meantime, we will be keeping our fingers crossed and hoping that the case worker allows the trip.
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