Bio Mom and Dad

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DW called and told me that when she picked up (S) at pre-school today the teacher said that she had mentioned her "other parents" for the first time. I guess she was very surprised by that. This is the second time in the last month or so that they have come up.

She doesn't indicate that she mises them, or even that she wants to see them or be with them. She just seems to acknowledge their existence in her life at one time. We think she may be having memories from that time in her life even though she was very young. Since I have been gone, there have been times when DW has been scolding her and she has said "Don't hurt me". We have never done anything fro her to think that we might, and while there was an extreme amount of violence in her birth home, as far as we knew, none of it was directed towards her.

I guess we need to talk about this with her therapist. You know I say her therapist, and that is what she is. A play therapist. I find though that she spends just as much time talking with DW and I about things as she does (S).

I am always bothered when she brings up her bio family. I am not sure why. It just bothers me. I don't know if it is because of the way her life began with that family that I wish she had no memory of it. I don't know if it is that I want to be the only father she knows and feel a little jealous.(In my head, I know that would be silly). Maybe it is just that DW and I often say we can no longer remember life without her, and I don't want her to remember life without us. I don't know what it is, it just bothers me.

She did acknowledge to her teacher that DW and I were her "real" parents, but I have no idea what she means by that. I am sure she doesn't know either. There are many times when I am happy she really has no idea of what is going on and how she came to be with us, but there are also times when I wish she was old enough so that we could have a complete conversation about it. That time will come....probably faster then I want it to.

On the bright side, she went for her kindergarten registration and screening and the school principal told DW that (S) was a very bright little girl. That is nice to hear.

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Time

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Lately it seems like adoption is coming up everywhere. I was on the computer today at work and there was a popup about adoption.

Last night I was watching American Idol which was followed by a show called "Glee". Not one I normally watch but one of the sub-plots was about adoption.

I was using the button on the top of the blog page that says "next blog" and I have never gotten to a blog about adoption and today there were 2. One was by a person who was adopted and one by someone who had adopted 3 childen.

I am not sure what, if anything, to make of this. DW and I have already decided we will adopt (S). There is no question in our mind. I do worry about (S) when she gets older though and the "Glee" show as well as the one blog by the adoptee were about looking for ones biological mother. It got me to thinking about what we tell (S) about her bio-mother when she asks us.

I know it won't be for a while, but that seemed to be the theme. Apparently a lot of adopted children develop a fantasy about why they were put up for adoption to begin with, and when they go in search of their bio-parents, they have yet another fantasy about what kind of relationship they will have with their "blood relative"

I know (S)s fantasy won't be about the state taking her away from her family and bringing her to us. It is more likely to be something about a single woman who just couldn't keep her children and wanted a better life for them. How will she feel when she finds out her mother essentially chose her abusive father over her and her brothers?

I also know that if she wants, she will be told her parents name and she will always know where her brothers are. I would assume that by the time (S) is old enough to ask the questions, one of her brothers will probably know where her bio-parents are.

It makes me sad to think that she could potentially be very disappointed by what she finds out when she begins asking those questions. I guess we will have to work hard to make sure she is prepared for that day when it comes. I am not sure how to do that, but I think we have time...........then again

Time does fly with children......It seems like yesterday my bio children were playing and fighting in the back yard. My son is doing well on his own 1500 miles from home and I am very proud of him. I am also proud of my daughters. Last year I walked one of my daughters (K)down the aisle and come September, I will be walking (A) down the aisle......

As fast as they grow up, I guess it won't be that long before it will be (S)'s turn..........

I'm getting ahead of myself though. I am going over to Mom TV now to watch Adoption Angles. If you haven't seen it before, check it out Wednesdays 9:00pm Eastern at:

http://www.momtv.com/adoptionangles.html

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